I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, hoping to see a loss. I was not disappointed. I was down 2.8 pounds! I have NO idea how that happened, or why, but it did. Which is quite significant.
I have now gone BELOW my goal weight of 175. I am at 174. I am "done".
And now the hard part begins...maintenance.
This is uncharted territory for me, and I have to admit to being more than a little bit scared. I really feel like I don't know how to do this! Sure, I know I'm supposed to increase my calories by 100 a day this week and 100 more next week. But that isn't as easy as it sounds!! I had agreed with my nutritionist that I would add some nuts and some granola, keeping the rest pretty much the same. Yesterday I added the granola, and was still at the bottom of my new range! Today I ate my usual breakfast, one of my standard lunches, and added the nuts to my afternoon snack, and I still have over 600 calories to use for dinner! What on earth am I supposed to do?
I know, I know, it will take some getting used to. I've been eating the same way for so long that I could do it almost without thinking about it. Now I will have to think about it again! OK, I can do that. But still, that fear is there. WHAT IF I GAIN IT ALL BACK?
Irrational? Certainly. But it's here, nonetheless and I can't exactly ignore it! On Saturday, I must have somehow known what was coming, because at Whole Foods, I "treated" myself to a slice of cake AND a cookie. Unheard of for me. Self sabotoge for sure. But yesterday and today, no way, no "treats" for me! It's kind of like, OK, I'm here, now I have to make darn sure I STAY here.
I did some more shopping over the weekend and seem to finally have a workable wardrobe. I will need a few more shirts, but I'll pick those up as I find them. I had one salesperson tell me "you certainly don't need an XL, you are so small", and she turned out to be right--the L was fine. (so, why does my 93 pound daughter need a M in the exact same sweater?????) I also got a cute spring jacket, size 12 Petite! Talbots came through with some new styles, including wide leg jeans, which are my new favorite type of pants--so forgiving of my heavy knees! I still need to figure out my own personal "style", but for now I've got some good classics and some bright colors to work with.
It's been said that success is a journey, not a destination. I would have to agree. I may have reached the station, but my journey is really just beginning.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
March 23, 2009 The Clothes Shopping Dilemna
I went clothes shopping Saturday and was totally frustrated! Talbots had NOTHING! I tried on a dress, a blouse, and a pair of shorts. According to their size charts, I should be a size 12. Well, that's bunk! The dress fits in a 16. The shorts fit in a 14. And the blouse in a 14 is a bit snugger than I'd like. What is THAT about!!
So I went to the mall. Yes, the mall. I HATE the mall! I tried the Talbots there, and they had even less than the first (bigger) one. So I tried JCPenney. The fitting room line was ridiculously long, so I just bought some things to try on at home. I got a pair of denim capris, a pair of plaid shorts with a polo shirt to match, a pair of yellow print capris with a yellow blouse, a pink striped polo, and 2 pair of workout capris. I got everything in a 14 or L. And the only things I am keeping are the shorts and polo shirt, and one pair of the workout capris. Why? Becuase nothing else fits! Well, the blouse does, but the capris don't so I don't need the blouse. And the denim capris? What a joke! They are the same size, brand and style as the ones I got at Kohl's last week, and I can't get them over my knees! Insane!
So what is it with clothes these days? When I could only shop in the back corner that holds the fat girl clothes, I could find plenty of things to wear. Now, I have 1/2 the store to choose from, and there's nothing decent!! It's all so UGLY!! What ever happened to simple, classic styles? When I can't find anything at Talbots, something is seriously wrong!
So, still frustrated, I stopped by Target today. Finally, some success!! I found another pair of workout capris that fit great, and a coverup for my bathing suit (ugly, but it does the job). A couple pair of chinos that fit great except the waist (which will need to be taken in about 2 inches), and then the real bonanza. I found a cute pair of bermuda shorts--sort of grey with navy blue crabs on them. They look great with a short-sleeved V-neck T shirt. 2 other pair of shorts, with shirts to match, and I'm all set for shorts for the summer.
This is just so weird. My favorite store (Talbots) has NOTHING, and Target turns out to be my best source? That's just crazy! I hate the thought of further trips to the mall, but I am in serious need of clothing (other than shorts...) and truly don't know where to look.
On the positive side, the scale is back down almost to where it was in January before I had my detour. 176.8. Less than 2 pounds to go. And I will hopefully be back in the gym next week, if the doctor gives his OK.
Things are looking up at last!
So I went to the mall. Yes, the mall. I HATE the mall! I tried the Talbots there, and they had even less than the first (bigger) one. So I tried JCPenney. The fitting room line was ridiculously long, so I just bought some things to try on at home. I got a pair of denim capris, a pair of plaid shorts with a polo shirt to match, a pair of yellow print capris with a yellow blouse, a pink striped polo, and 2 pair of workout capris. I got everything in a 14 or L. And the only things I am keeping are the shorts and polo shirt, and one pair of the workout capris. Why? Becuase nothing else fits! Well, the blouse does, but the capris don't so I don't need the blouse. And the denim capris? What a joke! They are the same size, brand and style as the ones I got at Kohl's last week, and I can't get them over my knees! Insane!
So what is it with clothes these days? When I could only shop in the back corner that holds the fat girl clothes, I could find plenty of things to wear. Now, I have 1/2 the store to choose from, and there's nothing decent!! It's all so UGLY!! What ever happened to simple, classic styles? When I can't find anything at Talbots, something is seriously wrong!
So, still frustrated, I stopped by Target today. Finally, some success!! I found another pair of workout capris that fit great, and a coverup for my bathing suit (ugly, but it does the job). A couple pair of chinos that fit great except the waist (which will need to be taken in about 2 inches), and then the real bonanza. I found a cute pair of bermuda shorts--sort of grey with navy blue crabs on them. They look great with a short-sleeved V-neck T shirt. 2 other pair of shorts, with shirts to match, and I'm all set for shorts for the summer.
This is just so weird. My favorite store (Talbots) has NOTHING, and Target turns out to be my best source? That's just crazy! I hate the thought of further trips to the mall, but I am in serious need of clothing (other than shorts...) and truly don't know where to look.
On the positive side, the scale is back down almost to where it was in January before I had my detour. 176.8. Less than 2 pounds to go. And I will hopefully be back in the gym next week, if the doctor gives his OK.
Things are looking up at last!
March 17, 2009 Jumping For Joy!
Today I decided to hop on the scale, just to see what effect, if any, 2 days back on track would have on my weight. WOW!!! Down 5 pounds! Obviously I was holding a good bit of water. In any event, I'm back at 178, just 3 pounds from goal. I won't consider this an official weight, since it's not my weighin day, but I'm hopeful that Sunday's weight will be the same.
So, with that in mind, I planned out my food today. Now, I was allowing for a little extra. After all, it IS St. Patricks Day, the only day of the entire year when I get to eat corned beef and Irish Soda Bread, 2 of my favorite foods on earth. And I'm going to my friend June's for a meeting tonite, and she's serving...you guessed it! So, I figured I'd do my best all day, and then splurge a bit tonite. BUT, when I entered in my food for the day, including a small piece of the beef and of the bread, my calories and nutrients all came out PERFECT!!!! WooHooo!! And I'm not even skimping on the rest of the day. I had my usual breakfast, and a yummy chicken sandwich for lunch. Fruit for snacks, and I'll have one slice of pizza at dinner with Danny. The meeting isn't until 8pm. I figure that can count as my PM snack! I'll just skip my usual snack at bedtime. How cool is that?!?
So, on the way back from taking Laura to the neurologist, I decided we would stop at Kohls for a brief look around. I know I'm not up to a major shopping spree yet--still can't walk that far. But we both need some things, so I figured a quick visit would be OK.
We started out in the Juniors department, and actually found several styles of denim shorts that are long enough for her (she HATES the short shorts--Good girl!!) I also found her a really cute dress for our vacation, and a pretty pair of capris. Cool. Then we ventured over into the Misses department. This is uncharted water for me. It was so much easier when I could just go to the fat girl section back in the corner and look through their meager selection. But no, now I have like 3 whole areas to look in! YIKES!
I pulled a few things off the racks, things I liked enough to buy. But what size am I? The size charts say 14, but what will REALLY fit, especially in pants?
The size charts are right!!!!!!!!!! I got a pair of bermuda shorts, 3 pair of solid color capris (red, black, and navy), and a striped shirt (Size L, not XL!!). The pants, in 3 different brands, are all size 14, and they all fit great! WooHoo!!!
Now I can finish shopping online, and I know what size I need. I HATE shopping for clothes in the store. Maybe just from all the years I had no choice but to shop in catalogs, but I much prefer to see my clothes presented as a complete outfit, on a model, and decide that I like it, and then get it in my size, ship it here, and try it on in the privacy and comfort of my own bedroom. The only exception to that has been Talbots, where I would live if they'd let me move in! I will be going there one day next week, hopefully to find a couple of things. But, since I currently own exactly 5 items of spring/summer clothes that actually fit me (that being the things I just bought today), I think I DO need to break down and do some shopping.
Well, if it's size 14 (or even 12 at Talbots!), I think that will be OK with me!
So, with that in mind, I planned out my food today. Now, I was allowing for a little extra. After all, it IS St. Patricks Day, the only day of the entire year when I get to eat corned beef and Irish Soda Bread, 2 of my favorite foods on earth. And I'm going to my friend June's for a meeting tonite, and she's serving...you guessed it! So, I figured I'd do my best all day, and then splurge a bit tonite. BUT, when I entered in my food for the day, including a small piece of the beef and of the bread, my calories and nutrients all came out PERFECT!!!! WooHooo!! And I'm not even skimping on the rest of the day. I had my usual breakfast, and a yummy chicken sandwich for lunch. Fruit for snacks, and I'll have one slice of pizza at dinner with Danny. The meeting isn't until 8pm. I figure that can count as my PM snack! I'll just skip my usual snack at bedtime. How cool is that?!?
So, on the way back from taking Laura to the neurologist, I decided we would stop at Kohls for a brief look around. I know I'm not up to a major shopping spree yet--still can't walk that far. But we both need some things, so I figured a quick visit would be OK.
We started out in the Juniors department, and actually found several styles of denim shorts that are long enough for her (she HATES the short shorts--Good girl!!) I also found her a really cute dress for our vacation, and a pretty pair of capris. Cool. Then we ventured over into the Misses department. This is uncharted water for me. It was so much easier when I could just go to the fat girl section back in the corner and look through their meager selection. But no, now I have like 3 whole areas to look in! YIKES!
I pulled a few things off the racks, things I liked enough to buy. But what size am I? The size charts say 14, but what will REALLY fit, especially in pants?
The size charts are right!!!!!!!!!! I got a pair of bermuda shorts, 3 pair of solid color capris (red, black, and navy), and a striped shirt (Size L, not XL!!). The pants, in 3 different brands, are all size 14, and they all fit great! WooHoo!!!
Now I can finish shopping online, and I know what size I need. I HATE shopping for clothes in the store. Maybe just from all the years I had no choice but to shop in catalogs, but I much prefer to see my clothes presented as a complete outfit, on a model, and decide that I like it, and then get it in my size, ship it here, and try it on in the privacy and comfort of my own bedroom. The only exception to that has been Talbots, where I would live if they'd let me move in! I will be going there one day next week, hopefully to find a couple of things. But, since I currently own exactly 5 items of spring/summer clothes that actually fit me (that being the things I just bought today), I think I DO need to break down and do some shopping.
Well, if it's size 14 (or even 12 at Talbots!), I think that will be OK with me!
March 9, 2009 Turning It All Around
2 months certainly makes a difference.
2 months ago (well, a little more, actually), I was following my food plan faithfully. I was working out 6 days a week. I was succeeding! I actually got to the point where I was ONE pound from my goal of 175.
Then it all started to unravel. First, I had an abcessed tooth. I couldn't chew anything, so I was living on pudding, ice cream, and other mushy foods (kinda hard to do high protein when you can't chew!) Still, I managed to lose, probably since I was not eating much at all. I also wasn't exercising, since I felt so horrible, and was spending lots of time at the dentist. I was probably losing muscle, not fat, but at least the scale was going down.
I got over that hurdle and it was time for my knee replacement...but wait, there's MORE! The day before my scheduled surgery, I came down with a wicked case of bronchitis. Surgery was cancelled. Too sick to exercise, too tired to do much of anything, and my eating caught up with me as I gained 5 pounds.
Surgery was rescheduled for February 18, and was a great success. Rehab went well. I came home a week and a half ago. But although I am faithfully doing my knee exercises twice a day (which is really strength training, not cardio, but at least it's exercise!), my food has only gotten worse! I've tried several times to eat my "normal" healthy breakfast, but somehow my tummy doesn't seem to like it.
Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again! I've been avoiding the scale, but I know it's up, since my undies are fitting a bit tight. It's time to do something about it. I can't go back to the gym yet, but I CAN fix the food!
Will it be easy? Nope, not nearly as easy as it was to fall back into old bad habits. But I know I CAN do it, and so I WILL do it.
Turning it all over to God, since I know I am useless at this stuff. He is the one who got me this far, so He will get me to the finish line.
Stay tuned.
2 months ago (well, a little more, actually), I was following my food plan faithfully. I was working out 6 days a week. I was succeeding! I actually got to the point where I was ONE pound from my goal of 175.
Then it all started to unravel. First, I had an abcessed tooth. I couldn't chew anything, so I was living on pudding, ice cream, and other mushy foods (kinda hard to do high protein when you can't chew!) Still, I managed to lose, probably since I was not eating much at all. I also wasn't exercising, since I felt so horrible, and was spending lots of time at the dentist. I was probably losing muscle, not fat, but at least the scale was going down.
I got over that hurdle and it was time for my knee replacement...but wait, there's MORE! The day before my scheduled surgery, I came down with a wicked case of bronchitis. Surgery was cancelled. Too sick to exercise, too tired to do much of anything, and my eating caught up with me as I gained 5 pounds.
Surgery was rescheduled for February 18, and was a great success. Rehab went well. I came home a week and a half ago. But although I am faithfully doing my knee exercises twice a day (which is really strength training, not cardio, but at least it's exercise!), my food has only gotten worse! I've tried several times to eat my "normal" healthy breakfast, but somehow my tummy doesn't seem to like it.
Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again! I've been avoiding the scale, but I know it's up, since my undies are fitting a bit tight. It's time to do something about it. I can't go back to the gym yet, but I CAN fix the food!
Will it be easy? Nope, not nearly as easy as it was to fall back into old bad habits. But I know I CAN do it, and so I WILL do it.
Turning it all over to God, since I know I am useless at this stuff. He is the one who got me this far, so He will get me to the finish line.
Stay tuned.
March 1, 2008 The Bionic Woman
Well, it's done. My knee replacement was a great success! All my hard work leading up to it paid off big time.
After the 3 week delay from bronchitis, I had surgery on Wednesday, February 18. I had sedation and an epidural, rather than general anesthesia. What a difference that makes! I need not have worried about the epidural, it was no problem, and it worked like a charm! I had absolutely no pain, becuase I couldn't feel my legs at all! The day after surgery they wanted to stand me up, but I couldn't feel my feet, so I just dangled at the bedside. The second night, I woke up in pain, and pushing the button for more medicine in the epidural did nothing. turned out the epidural had fallen out! Fortunately, some Percocet and a shot of Dilaudid took care of the pain and I was fine.
By the time I left the hospital on Saturday, I had more flexion in my knee than before surgery! I could also walk short distances with a walker. I had a great roommate at the hospital, which made it nice. And the hospital was awesome! Top notch in every way!
I arrived at rehab Saturday afternoon. My new roommate was 85 years old, but I'd never have guessed it. I thought mid-60s. She was a hoot! We had a great time together and I really enjoyed her. I started PT on Monday and worked my tail off. and what was impossible Monday was difficult Tuesday and almost easy Wednesday! They kicked me out on Thursday becuase I was doing so well--2 days early!
I am home now and walking with a cane. Pain is minimal. I am taking Percocet twice a day, before I do my exercises. I sleep very well back in my own bed! The nurse from the VNA came today to set up service. I'll have a home health aide 3 times a week to help with a shower (after the staplses come out). I'll have PT at home 3 times a week. The nurse will come draw blood twice a week while I'm on Coumadin (1 month). And the staples will come out Tuesday. I had planned to go to the doctor tomorrow to have them out, but since we are expecting 6-9 inches of snow, I won't be going anywhere!
They weighed me when I got to rehab and I freaked out to see 197 on the scale! Then I realized I am SO full of fluid! My legs are quite puffy. They have gone down alot since then, and I am down 10 pounds or so, but I still have a way to go. My appetite is quite decreased, which helps. Hopefully I will soon be back on program in all ways. In the meantime, I am SOOOO grateful for every pound I lost, for every leg exercise I did in preparation for surgery, and for the wonderful surgeon I had. These things combined to make this a great success. I will do the right knee in the fall, and my Mom will do hers at the same time so we can be roommates at the hospital and rehab! I will be working hard to get my leg strong before surgery (not too far to go now!), and if all goes well, I will be riding a bicycle next spring!!
After the 3 week delay from bronchitis, I had surgery on Wednesday, February 18. I had sedation and an epidural, rather than general anesthesia. What a difference that makes! I need not have worried about the epidural, it was no problem, and it worked like a charm! I had absolutely no pain, becuase I couldn't feel my legs at all! The day after surgery they wanted to stand me up, but I couldn't feel my feet, so I just dangled at the bedside. The second night, I woke up in pain, and pushing the button for more medicine in the epidural did nothing. turned out the epidural had fallen out! Fortunately, some Percocet and a shot of Dilaudid took care of the pain and I was fine.
By the time I left the hospital on Saturday, I had more flexion in my knee than before surgery! I could also walk short distances with a walker. I had a great roommate at the hospital, which made it nice. And the hospital was awesome! Top notch in every way!
I arrived at rehab Saturday afternoon. My new roommate was 85 years old, but I'd never have guessed it. I thought mid-60s. She was a hoot! We had a great time together and I really enjoyed her. I started PT on Monday and worked my tail off. and what was impossible Monday was difficult Tuesday and almost easy Wednesday! They kicked me out on Thursday becuase I was doing so well--2 days early!
I am home now and walking with a cane. Pain is minimal. I am taking Percocet twice a day, before I do my exercises. I sleep very well back in my own bed! The nurse from the VNA came today to set up service. I'll have a home health aide 3 times a week to help with a shower (after the staplses come out). I'll have PT at home 3 times a week. The nurse will come draw blood twice a week while I'm on Coumadin (1 month). And the staples will come out Tuesday. I had planned to go to the doctor tomorrow to have them out, but since we are expecting 6-9 inches of snow, I won't be going anywhere!
They weighed me when I got to rehab and I freaked out to see 197 on the scale! Then I realized I am SO full of fluid! My legs are quite puffy. They have gone down alot since then, and I am down 10 pounds or so, but I still have a way to go. My appetite is quite decreased, which helps. Hopefully I will soon be back on program in all ways. In the meantime, I am SOOOO grateful for every pound I lost, for every leg exercise I did in preparation for surgery, and for the wonderful surgeon I had. These things combined to make this a great success. I will do the right knee in the fall, and my Mom will do hers at the same time so we can be roommates at the hospital and rehab! I will be working hard to get my leg strong before surgery (not too far to go now!), and if all goes well, I will be riding a bicycle next spring!!
February 8, 2009 Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
Enough already! I haven't felt right since January 2nd! We're talking over 5 weeks of this garbage.
First it was the tooth abcess. Then the bronchitis. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm exhausted. Any movement at all makes me dizzy and lightheaded. I get short of breath walking across the room. My heart races like mad sometimes--yesterday I clocked it at 135!!! (Heck, I don't get that high during most workouts) in between, I've had some serious nausea, and a couple episodes of barfing. I have had it with this feeling crummy.
I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'd give anything to be able to hop on the elliptical right now, but I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I nearly passed out in church today, and when I made it outside to the fresh air, my breakfast came back up. I came home afterwards and slept for an hour and a half. My "lunch" was a little bit of juice and some goldfish crackers--all I could handle at that point.
I have to go to NYC Wednesday for my 2nd try at pre-admission testing. I'm not even sure they'll clear me for surgery, which is now scheduled for February 18. Am I ready? Could I handle the surgery right now? I honestly don't know. I saw my doctor on Thursday and she ordered some lab work, so we'll see how that comes back. With my luck, I'll find out I'm more anemic than usual, and they'll refuse to do the surgery regardless of how I feel.
Despite the lack of exercise, and the fact that my food is a mess, I've continued to lose weight. Probably becuase I'm losing muscle, which is NOT a good thing. I feel like I've lost all the progress I had made in the past year as far as stamina and strength. I'll probably have to start over from scratch when I finally do get back to the gym.
The other day I tried to eat my normal breakfast, the one I eat every single day most of the time. I couldn't finish it. I can eat only a little at a time, and the food that goes down easiest is not the food that's best for me. I've graduated from pudding and ice cream to PB&J and York Peppermint Patties.
So, how do I get my mojo back? How do I climb back on the wagon, when I feel so crummy? And who do I see about getting a "do-over" for 2009 so far?
First it was the tooth abcess. Then the bronchitis. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm exhausted. Any movement at all makes me dizzy and lightheaded. I get short of breath walking across the room. My heart races like mad sometimes--yesterday I clocked it at 135!!! (Heck, I don't get that high during most workouts) in between, I've had some serious nausea, and a couple episodes of barfing. I have had it with this feeling crummy.
I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'd give anything to be able to hop on the elliptical right now, but I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I nearly passed out in church today, and when I made it outside to the fresh air, my breakfast came back up. I came home afterwards and slept for an hour and a half. My "lunch" was a little bit of juice and some goldfish crackers--all I could handle at that point.
I have to go to NYC Wednesday for my 2nd try at pre-admission testing. I'm not even sure they'll clear me for surgery, which is now scheduled for February 18. Am I ready? Could I handle the surgery right now? I honestly don't know. I saw my doctor on Thursday and she ordered some lab work, so we'll see how that comes back. With my luck, I'll find out I'm more anemic than usual, and they'll refuse to do the surgery regardless of how I feel.
Despite the lack of exercise, and the fact that my food is a mess, I've continued to lose weight. Probably becuase I'm losing muscle, which is NOT a good thing. I feel like I've lost all the progress I had made in the past year as far as stamina and strength. I'll probably have to start over from scratch when I finally do get back to the gym.
The other day I tried to eat my normal breakfast, the one I eat every single day most of the time. I couldn't finish it. I can eat only a little at a time, and the food that goes down easiest is not the food that's best for me. I've graduated from pudding and ice cream to PB&J and York Peppermint Patties.
So, how do I get my mojo back? How do I climb back on the wagon, when I feel so crummy? And who do I see about getting a "do-over" for 2009 so far?
January 27, 2009 25 Surgeries And Never A Sniffle
And it looks like the "streak" has ended.
I've been having a rough few weeks, with an abcessed tooth that has kept me in pain and unable to eat solid foods. My food plan has fallen apart, exercise has been almost non-existant (due to pain, oral surgery, pain meds, and overwhelming fatigue)
I've been scheduled for knee replacement surgery this Thursday in NYC, since mid Decemberr. I've been working on the scheduling for my kids, packing healthy foods to bring to the hospital and rehab, coordinating the whole thing.
And now I seem to have come down with the flu. I have a fever of 101.3*, raw throat, raspy, chesty cough, nausea, body aches from head to toe, no appetite, and chills--can't seem to get warm no matter what. (where's a hot flash when I really need it??)
So obviously there will be no surgery for me this week. The plan was to come home from rehab the day before my son's birthday, so the delay will have to be at least 2 weeks to accommodate being home for that. Not like they're likely to want to do anything sooner anyway--probably going to be 3 weeks out at least.
So much for the best laid plans, and the vacation scheduled for Easter break.
I am SO not liking 2009...
I've been having a rough few weeks, with an abcessed tooth that has kept me in pain and unable to eat solid foods. My food plan has fallen apart, exercise has been almost non-existant (due to pain, oral surgery, pain meds, and overwhelming fatigue)
I've been scheduled for knee replacement surgery this Thursday in NYC, since mid Decemberr. I've been working on the scheduling for my kids, packing healthy foods to bring to the hospital and rehab, coordinating the whole thing.
And now I seem to have come down with the flu. I have a fever of 101.3*, raw throat, raspy, chesty cough, nausea, body aches from head to toe, no appetite, and chills--can't seem to get warm no matter what. (where's a hot flash when I really need it??)
So obviously there will be no surgery for me this week. The plan was to come home from rehab the day before my son's birthday, so the delay will have to be at least 2 weeks to accommodate being home for that. Not like they're likely to want to do anything sooner anyway--probably going to be 3 weeks out at least.
So much for the best laid plans, and the vacation scheduled for Easter break.
I am SO not liking 2009...
January 24, 2009 Climbing Out From Under The Rock
I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. The fog seems to be lifting, albeit slowly. The pain in my mouth is 95% gone. I still can't open my mouth very far, but I'm hoping warm compresses will help.
Yesterday I had planned to go to the pool, but my appointment at the Oral Surgeon ran long, and it was just too easy to turn around and go home. I didn't waste the morning though--went to the grocery store and did my major shopping for all the pre-surgery cooking. Glad I don't have a grocery bill like that every week!
From there I went to my Bible Study. It always makes me feel better. The girls in my group are awesome, and they just seem to say and do exactly what I need to cheer up. After that, I went and met an old friend for lunch. We reconnected on SparkPeople! It was wonderful to see her again and catch up. So many parallels in our lives---it's nice to talk to someone who really "gets it".
Last night, I had some girls from church over for a game night. We played Scattergories and Boggle. We had a blast! Again, so nice to have that fellowship and fun with people who understand me.
Anyway, I think it was all just what the doctor ordered. Today I got up early, went to the gym to meet with my trainer and climb on the elliptical. Wow, I got out of shape FAST!! Had to tone down both the elliptical and the treadmill, and also use a lighter weight for a couple of exercises. YIKES! And only 5 days til surgery to get it together!
Came home from the gym and started cooking. And cooking. And cooking. 5 hours of non-stop chopping, mixing, browning, stirring. When I finally sat down I thought I would never get up again! But I put 20 servings of spinach lasagna, 14 servings of Spaghetti Pie, and 20 servings of veggie and meat sauce into my freezer! Tomorrow I will make 4 Chicken Pot Pies. Along with all the chili, soup, and other foods that are already in the freezer, I think we have enough for nearly 2 months of meals! I don't think we have to worry about going hungry while I'm recovering!
Tomorrow is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. And SUPPOSEDLY my dear sister and her family will grace us with their presence for dinner. (I'll believe it when I see it...) AND today my dad called and asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital Thursday for surgery! Wow, where did THAT come from?? (No doubt from Mom, who is the one I ranted to about the whole subject) I told him Tracey is taking me, and so he asked about coming up to visit. He probably can't come up on the weekend (gotta go to wrestling...), but he thinks he can come up on Friday. So that would be nice. And the girls from church are looking into taking a field trip up to visit over the weekend, which would be awesome. So maybe I won't be totally alone up there.
Best news of all is that I called the rehab center and they DO take HSS patients. AND they have reserved a bed for me! I didn't know they could or would do that, but the nice lady offered and I said SURE!! So they are expecting me the Monday after surgery, and at least that's one issue I dont' have to worry about.
Yup, things are definitely looking up. The smile is back on my face. Now, if I could just get my food back on track, I'd be cooking with gas!!
Yesterday I had planned to go to the pool, but my appointment at the Oral Surgeon ran long, and it was just too easy to turn around and go home. I didn't waste the morning though--went to the grocery store and did my major shopping for all the pre-surgery cooking. Glad I don't have a grocery bill like that every week!
From there I went to my Bible Study. It always makes me feel better. The girls in my group are awesome, and they just seem to say and do exactly what I need to cheer up. After that, I went and met an old friend for lunch. We reconnected on SparkPeople! It was wonderful to see her again and catch up. So many parallels in our lives---it's nice to talk to someone who really "gets it".
Last night, I had some girls from church over for a game night. We played Scattergories and Boggle. We had a blast! Again, so nice to have that fellowship and fun with people who understand me.
Anyway, I think it was all just what the doctor ordered. Today I got up early, went to the gym to meet with my trainer and climb on the elliptical. Wow, I got out of shape FAST!! Had to tone down both the elliptical and the treadmill, and also use a lighter weight for a couple of exercises. YIKES! And only 5 days til surgery to get it together!
Came home from the gym and started cooking. And cooking. And cooking. 5 hours of non-stop chopping, mixing, browning, stirring. When I finally sat down I thought I would never get up again! But I put 20 servings of spinach lasagna, 14 servings of Spaghetti Pie, and 20 servings of veggie and meat sauce into my freezer! Tomorrow I will make 4 Chicken Pot Pies. Along with all the chili, soup, and other foods that are already in the freezer, I think we have enough for nearly 2 months of meals! I don't think we have to worry about going hungry while I'm recovering!
Tomorrow is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. And SUPPOSEDLY my dear sister and her family will grace us with their presence for dinner. (I'll believe it when I see it...) AND today my dad called and asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital Thursday for surgery! Wow, where did THAT come from?? (No doubt from Mom, who is the one I ranted to about the whole subject) I told him Tracey is taking me, and so he asked about coming up to visit. He probably can't come up on the weekend (gotta go to wrestling...), but he thinks he can come up on Friday. So that would be nice. And the girls from church are looking into taking a field trip up to visit over the weekend, which would be awesome. So maybe I won't be totally alone up there.
Best news of all is that I called the rehab center and they DO take HSS patients. AND they have reserved a bed for me! I didn't know they could or would do that, but the nice lady offered and I said SURE!! So they are expecting me the Monday after surgery, and at least that's one issue I dont' have to worry about.
Yup, things are definitely looking up. The smile is back on my face. Now, if I could just get my food back on track, I'd be cooking with gas!!
January 22, 2009 (Warning--LONG!!)
I wish someone would explain to me why it is that the people who are supposed to love you the most are the ones that hurt you, and the people you barely know are the ones who make you feel better?
I've been really down lately. The whole tooth mess has taken a toll on me, and even though I got back to the gym yesterday, and will go again tomorrow, my food intake is still way off. Without going into the topic of politics, suffice it to say that Tuesday was a VERY difficult day for me. And my upcoming surgery is looming large. All of this conspires to make me want to just climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and stay there.
Tonite, despite a total lack of desire on my part to do anything that involved leaving my house, I went to the monthy WLS support group meeting at a local hospital. I really didn't want to go, but I'd promised my nutritionist (who leads the group) to put in an appearance. I'm so glad I went. Somehow, I always come away with so much from these meetings. For starters, I ALWAYS learn something new. Tonite I heard about some supplements that might help me, as well as the fact that one of my meds should be taken in chewable form, not the capsules I've taken for years.
But more than that, I have learned that sharing my story, and my success, with others actually does more for ME than it does for them. Hearing a bunch of people tell me I'm an inspiration is great for my ego. Having a woman tell me that I was the reason she went ahead and had her surgery despite the fears--well, that just blew me away! Especially as I tried to figure out who the heck she was. It wasn't until she passed around her before picture that I recognized her from the meetings last spring--she's lost about 75 pounds and looks SO different!
As I spoke to a woman who will have her surgery on Tuesday, I realized that I do have something important to offer. I am a successful long term post-op patient! I've been where they are. I've done what they are doing. And I've succeeded. That gives them hope that they can succeed too, which of course, they can! I also get to tell them about SparkPeople and what a great help it's been to me. One of the girls in the group is on Sparks, and agreed with my great endorsement of the site.
I walked out with others from the group, chatting as we headed to our cars. I promised to pray for Dale, having her surgery on Tuesday. I said goodbye and assured them that I will be at the March meeting. And I will, because I NEED to be there. To give and receive encouragement and support that is so important for my success.
On the way home, I talked to my mom on the phone. We were talking about my sister, and I got very upset. My sister lives in Turkey. We are very close--at least I THOUGHT we were. When I scheduled my surgery for next week, and knew that she would be coming to the States in January or February, I asked if she could come and stay with me for a few days after surgery to help out. She agreed, and told me she would be here until the 11th or 12th. I sent her an email asking if she could extend that to the 15th. She didn't respond, and I didn't think about it again.
Until I got her travel plans and learned that she is NOT staying until the 12th, she's going back on the 5th! Before I even get out of rehab! So much for her promise to come stay with me for a few days. So, um, now what do I do? My kids are 12 and 13--they can't take care of me. I really, really do NOT want to hire a live-in helper. My kids don't like that, and neither do I. And I don't need constant help anyway. My mom will come for a night or 2, IF there is no snow or ice. She has serious orthopedic issues, and will not leave her house if there is any chance she might slip and fall (which she did several years ago and destroyed her rotator cuff). I understand this.
Anyway, my sister arrived on Saturday. On Sunday I went and spent the day with her. On Monday she came down here to get her stuff from my storage unit (she's rented one of her own), and to get her packages from my dining room, where they've been piling up for months. (she always oreders a ton of stuff online, and has it sent here). We had a nice visit, and she went back to her hotel near my parents' house. We had found a cute little Middle Eastern restaurant here in town, and made plans for lunch this Sunday with her husband and kids (who arrived tonite). My kids have been so excited to see Uncle Toni and their cousins, and keep asking when they will see them.
Well, they won't. I got an email from my dad today inviting us for Sunday brunch, which we can't do because it's during church, and I sing on the Praise Team, so I am committed to be there. Apparently my sister is having Turkish guests for the weekend and they have to leave on Sunday afternoon, so they decided to do brunch so they could all get together. Umm, hello? What happened to our lunch plans? Why am I hearing this from my dad instead of my sister? And how the heck do I tell my kids? "Gee, sorry, I guess we just aren't important enough. They flew 5000 miles to come to NJ, but they just don't have time to come the last 20 miles." Apparently their guests are coming tomorrow, so the entire weekend is taken up with that. Monday my kids are in school all day, and my daughter has an orthodontist appointment at night (which I rescheduled from this week so I could see my sister!) And they leave Tuesday for Punta Cana. Yes, while I'm having major surgery, my sister will be sunning herself on a tropical beach. They come back the following Monday, and return to Turkey that Thursday. I don't imagine there will be time to visit me at rehab, since the last few days are always a frenzy of shopping. And even if they do manage to find time to see me, my children won't be there! They will be here at home, staying with their father. Which means they will not see their uncle and cousins this trip.
So I've just been thrown aside. And that hurts. A lot. But now my kids have been thrown aside too. And that makes me MAD! Poop all over my head if you have to, but don't you mess with my babies!
I don't really know how to handle this. I have no desire to discuss it with my sister, since I hate confrontation of any time. All I know is, it's making me want to eat chocolate. I did have a few M&Ms, but they just turned my stomach. Maybe that's a good thing.
It just occurred to me that maybe all of this is becuase my sister is jealous. She's always been the skinny sisiter, usually by 200 pounds or more. But now she outweighs me by 50 pounds or so. Her husband said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I know she is sensitive about her weight. Growing up, she was not very nice to me about my weight. I would NEVER do that to her. I have avoided any gloating, commenting, or anything that could be seen as "lording it over her". I've even held back on sharing some of my success with her, in an effort to not offend her. But maybe she really can't handle my success, which maybe she sees more as her failure. I don't know.
So anyway, surgery is a week away. I have so much to do to get ready. Shopping, cooking, packing, rearrangeing. Getting myself mentally prepared. Making sure the kids are taken care of with their activites. Meanwhile, Tracey will go with me to surgery, as usual. She will be the one in the waiting room. She will be the one getting me settled into my room after recovery. She will be the one who stays overnight so she can see me again the next day before heading home--to take my kids for the weekend. Thank GOD for Tracey! If not for her, I'd be doing this whole thing alone. As it is, I will have no visitors after the first day after surgery, until I get to rehab. NYC is just too far and too inconvenient for my family to get to. (They are a little over an hour away) The plan is for me to do rehab in the town where my parents and Tracey live. At least that way they can visit. If I can't go there for rehab, I will likely be far enough away that I will not have visitors the entire week, with the possible exception of Tracey. That would be the pits.
It's taken years for me to learn how to ask for, and accept, help from others. I was always the strong one. I could take care of myself. I was always the one to do for others, to help whenever it was needed. Tracey finally pointed out that it was pretty selfish of me to deny others the pleasure of helping me! So now I ASKED for help. And the door was closed in my face.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe a little. I just know that if someone in my family was having this surgery, I'd move heaven and earth to be there for them. I'd open my home to them for recovery (more practical than having to leave my kids--I'm a single mom afer all!) I'd do whatever it took. Am I not worth the same?
I've been really down lately. The whole tooth mess has taken a toll on me, and even though I got back to the gym yesterday, and will go again tomorrow, my food intake is still way off. Without going into the topic of politics, suffice it to say that Tuesday was a VERY difficult day for me. And my upcoming surgery is looming large. All of this conspires to make me want to just climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and stay there.
Tonite, despite a total lack of desire on my part to do anything that involved leaving my house, I went to the monthy WLS support group meeting at a local hospital. I really didn't want to go, but I'd promised my nutritionist (who leads the group) to put in an appearance. I'm so glad I went. Somehow, I always come away with so much from these meetings. For starters, I ALWAYS learn something new. Tonite I heard about some supplements that might help me, as well as the fact that one of my meds should be taken in chewable form, not the capsules I've taken for years.
But more than that, I have learned that sharing my story, and my success, with others actually does more for ME than it does for them. Hearing a bunch of people tell me I'm an inspiration is great for my ego. Having a woman tell me that I was the reason she went ahead and had her surgery despite the fears--well, that just blew me away! Especially as I tried to figure out who the heck she was. It wasn't until she passed around her before picture that I recognized her from the meetings last spring--she's lost about 75 pounds and looks SO different!
As I spoke to a woman who will have her surgery on Tuesday, I realized that I do have something important to offer. I am a successful long term post-op patient! I've been where they are. I've done what they are doing. And I've succeeded. That gives them hope that they can succeed too, which of course, they can! I also get to tell them about SparkPeople and what a great help it's been to me. One of the girls in the group is on Sparks, and agreed with my great endorsement of the site.
I walked out with others from the group, chatting as we headed to our cars. I promised to pray for Dale, having her surgery on Tuesday. I said goodbye and assured them that I will be at the March meeting. And I will, because I NEED to be there. To give and receive encouragement and support that is so important for my success.
On the way home, I talked to my mom on the phone. We were talking about my sister, and I got very upset. My sister lives in Turkey. We are very close--at least I THOUGHT we were. When I scheduled my surgery for next week, and knew that she would be coming to the States in January or February, I asked if she could come and stay with me for a few days after surgery to help out. She agreed, and told me she would be here until the 11th or 12th. I sent her an email asking if she could extend that to the 15th. She didn't respond, and I didn't think about it again.
Until I got her travel plans and learned that she is NOT staying until the 12th, she's going back on the 5th! Before I even get out of rehab! So much for her promise to come stay with me for a few days. So, um, now what do I do? My kids are 12 and 13--they can't take care of me. I really, really do NOT want to hire a live-in helper. My kids don't like that, and neither do I. And I don't need constant help anyway. My mom will come for a night or 2, IF there is no snow or ice. She has serious orthopedic issues, and will not leave her house if there is any chance she might slip and fall (which she did several years ago and destroyed her rotator cuff). I understand this.
Anyway, my sister arrived on Saturday. On Sunday I went and spent the day with her. On Monday she came down here to get her stuff from my storage unit (she's rented one of her own), and to get her packages from my dining room, where they've been piling up for months. (she always oreders a ton of stuff online, and has it sent here). We had a nice visit, and she went back to her hotel near my parents' house. We had found a cute little Middle Eastern restaurant here in town, and made plans for lunch this Sunday with her husband and kids (who arrived tonite). My kids have been so excited to see Uncle Toni and their cousins, and keep asking when they will see them.
Well, they won't. I got an email from my dad today inviting us for Sunday brunch, which we can't do because it's during church, and I sing on the Praise Team, so I am committed to be there. Apparently my sister is having Turkish guests for the weekend and they have to leave on Sunday afternoon, so they decided to do brunch so they could all get together. Umm, hello? What happened to our lunch plans? Why am I hearing this from my dad instead of my sister? And how the heck do I tell my kids? "Gee, sorry, I guess we just aren't important enough. They flew 5000 miles to come to NJ, but they just don't have time to come the last 20 miles." Apparently their guests are coming tomorrow, so the entire weekend is taken up with that. Monday my kids are in school all day, and my daughter has an orthodontist appointment at night (which I rescheduled from this week so I could see my sister!) And they leave Tuesday for Punta Cana. Yes, while I'm having major surgery, my sister will be sunning herself on a tropical beach. They come back the following Monday, and return to Turkey that Thursday. I don't imagine there will be time to visit me at rehab, since the last few days are always a frenzy of shopping. And even if they do manage to find time to see me, my children won't be there! They will be here at home, staying with their father. Which means they will not see their uncle and cousins this trip.
So I've just been thrown aside. And that hurts. A lot. But now my kids have been thrown aside too. And that makes me MAD! Poop all over my head if you have to, but don't you mess with my babies!
I don't really know how to handle this. I have no desire to discuss it with my sister, since I hate confrontation of any time. All I know is, it's making me want to eat chocolate. I did have a few M&Ms, but they just turned my stomach. Maybe that's a good thing.
It just occurred to me that maybe all of this is becuase my sister is jealous. She's always been the skinny sisiter, usually by 200 pounds or more. But now she outweighs me by 50 pounds or so. Her husband said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I know she is sensitive about her weight. Growing up, she was not very nice to me about my weight. I would NEVER do that to her. I have avoided any gloating, commenting, or anything that could be seen as "lording it over her". I've even held back on sharing some of my success with her, in an effort to not offend her. But maybe she really can't handle my success, which maybe she sees more as her failure. I don't know.
So anyway, surgery is a week away. I have so much to do to get ready. Shopping, cooking, packing, rearrangeing. Getting myself mentally prepared. Making sure the kids are taken care of with their activites. Meanwhile, Tracey will go with me to surgery, as usual. She will be the one in the waiting room. She will be the one getting me settled into my room after recovery. She will be the one who stays overnight so she can see me again the next day before heading home--to take my kids for the weekend. Thank GOD for Tracey! If not for her, I'd be doing this whole thing alone. As it is, I will have no visitors after the first day after surgery, until I get to rehab. NYC is just too far and too inconvenient for my family to get to. (They are a little over an hour away) The plan is for me to do rehab in the town where my parents and Tracey live. At least that way they can visit. If I can't go there for rehab, I will likely be far enough away that I will not have visitors the entire week, with the possible exception of Tracey. That would be the pits.
It's taken years for me to learn how to ask for, and accept, help from others. I was always the strong one. I could take care of myself. I was always the one to do for others, to help whenever it was needed. Tracey finally pointed out that it was pretty selfish of me to deny others the pleasure of helping me! So now I ASKED for help. And the door was closed in my face.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe a little. I just know that if someone in my family was having this surgery, I'd move heaven and earth to be there for them. I'd open my home to them for recovery (more practical than having to leave my kids--I'm a single mom afer all!) I'd do whatever it took. Am I not worth the same?
January 21, 2009 Time Away, But NOT A Vacation!
Well, it's been 2 weeks from H-E-double hockey sticks! The tooth saga seemed never-ending. I was away from the gym for 2 entire weeks. I lived on pudding, ice cream, mashed potatoes, noodles, and other soft, calorie dense foods. I gained about 3 or 4 pounds. I sort of crawled into a hole and covered myself up.
The tooth FINALLY came out last Thursday. Of course, then I had the "after pain" to deal with, which honestly wasn't much less than the tooth pain! I was eating Motrin like candy, supplemented with Percocet, which kept me loopier than usual. Add in the antibiotic and it was a recipe for nausea. Oh, and did I mention the allergic reaction? Yup, after my first visit to the Oral Surgeon, to have a drain put in and done under IV sedation, I developed a wicked case of hives! What caused it? The IV meds? The antibiotic? Stress? We finally narrowed it down to either a freak delayed reaction to one of the IV meds, or, more likely, a stress reaction. In any event, it has not recurred.
On Monday, I ate yogurt and applesauce for breakfast, and felt something weird in my mouth. Whatever it was, it's gone now. And my mouth feels MUCH better! Haven't needed a Percocet since then. The rough edges that were there are gone. I suspect something may have happened to the socket graft that was done to prepare for a future implant, but I'll find out when I see the OS for a followup on Friday. Meanwhile, my mouth and I are alot happier!
Last night I went out for dinner. I've been saying for several days that I am SO sick of pudding and ice cream, and I'd give my right arm for a salad. Well, a salad came with my dinner, so I decided to try it. I did ok too! Ahhh, that boring little plate of lettuce with a couple of anemic tomatoes was pure heaven. So I decided I should be able to start eating normally. (The issue has been that I can't open my mouth all the way because my jaw is so sore from being pried open for the oral surgery. And I'm not used to chewing on my right side, since the teeth don't align correctly and I usually just chew on the left. So eating harder foods has been pretty much impossible.) Anyway, I'm trying to transition back to normal eating. Don't know that I'll be munching granola or an apple anytime soon, but I'll do the best I can!
The most exciting part is that I finally went back to the gym today! Took my Aqua Boot Camp class and loved every awful minute of it! Everyone had missed me and was so glad to see me, which felt great, and even tho the pool was freezing, I just felt SO good to be there! So today I get to log some fitness minutes. WooHoo!!
Knee surgery is a week from tomorrow. I have to go up for all my pre-admission work tomorrow--I'm so glad it's going to be a "balmy" 40 degrees, instead of the teens and 20s we've been dealing with. I won't be able to get to the gym, but I will get to do alot of walking around in NYC so that will be OK. Meanwhile, the mad scramble to get ready for surgery has begun. I'll be cooking up a storm over the weekend so I will have plenty of meals frozen and ready to reheat when I get home. Have to pack me for the hospital and rehab, the kids for the 10 days at their father's, and the dog for his 10 days at "camp". SOOOO much to think of and do! I hope and pray I'll get it all done in time.
The tooth FINALLY came out last Thursday. Of course, then I had the "after pain" to deal with, which honestly wasn't much less than the tooth pain! I was eating Motrin like candy, supplemented with Percocet, which kept me loopier than usual. Add in the antibiotic and it was a recipe for nausea. Oh, and did I mention the allergic reaction? Yup, after my first visit to the Oral Surgeon, to have a drain put in and done under IV sedation, I developed a wicked case of hives! What caused it? The IV meds? The antibiotic? Stress? We finally narrowed it down to either a freak delayed reaction to one of the IV meds, or, more likely, a stress reaction. In any event, it has not recurred.
On Monday, I ate yogurt and applesauce for breakfast, and felt something weird in my mouth. Whatever it was, it's gone now. And my mouth feels MUCH better! Haven't needed a Percocet since then. The rough edges that were there are gone. I suspect something may have happened to the socket graft that was done to prepare for a future implant, but I'll find out when I see the OS for a followup on Friday. Meanwhile, my mouth and I are alot happier!
Last night I went out for dinner. I've been saying for several days that I am SO sick of pudding and ice cream, and I'd give my right arm for a salad. Well, a salad came with my dinner, so I decided to try it. I did ok too! Ahhh, that boring little plate of lettuce with a couple of anemic tomatoes was pure heaven. So I decided I should be able to start eating normally. (The issue has been that I can't open my mouth all the way because my jaw is so sore from being pried open for the oral surgery. And I'm not used to chewing on my right side, since the teeth don't align correctly and I usually just chew on the left. So eating harder foods has been pretty much impossible.) Anyway, I'm trying to transition back to normal eating. Don't know that I'll be munching granola or an apple anytime soon, but I'll do the best I can!
The most exciting part is that I finally went back to the gym today! Took my Aqua Boot Camp class and loved every awful minute of it! Everyone had missed me and was so glad to see me, which felt great, and even tho the pool was freezing, I just felt SO good to be there! So today I get to log some fitness minutes. WooHoo!!
Knee surgery is a week from tomorrow. I have to go up for all my pre-admission work tomorrow--I'm so glad it's going to be a "balmy" 40 degrees, instead of the teens and 20s we've been dealing with. I won't be able to get to the gym, but I will get to do alot of walking around in NYC so that will be OK. Meanwhile, the mad scramble to get ready for surgery has begun. I'll be cooking up a storm over the weekend so I will have plenty of meals frozen and ready to reheat when I get home. Have to pack me for the hospital and rehab, the kids for the 10 days at their father's, and the dog for his 10 days at "camp". SOOOO much to think of and do! I hope and pray I'll get it all done in time.
January 7, 2009 The Tragic Tale of The Tooth, and Other Sordid Stories
This has not been a good week for me.
Over the weekend, a tooth started bothering me. By Sunday night, I was in some pretty serious pain. Percocet didn't touch it. I spent a sleepless night, waiting for morning to call my dentist. I headed in to see him on Monday, by which time I could not even lightly touch the tooth without hitting the ceiling from the pain! He opened the tooth, did a partial root canal, drained the abcess, and I was a happy camper.
Until the novocaine wore off. Then the pain came back, a little at a time, until it was almost as bad as before I saw him! This was Tuesday afternoon, and I headed back up to see him. He did basically the same thing as Monday, and finally said the tooth could probably not be saved. He arranged an emergency visit to an oral surgeon for today. Again, I was fine until the novocaine wore off, and then the pain returned again. It was different this time--in stead of being localized to just the tooth, it was the whole lower jaw area. It was hard to open my mouth.
Knowing I would have to have nothing to eat or drink for 6 hours before my appointment, since I'd be having IV sedation, I got up at the crack of dawn this morning to eat some breakfast and take some Motrin and my antibiotic. Then i went back to bed to pass the time. I got to the oral surgeon just before noon, and had the coolest Xray I've ever had. I sat in this nifty chair with my chin on a sort of shelf and a little plastic thing between my front teeth, as the Xray machine moved in a circle around me. Pretty nifty!
The oral surgeon took a look at the Xray and my tooth, and agreed that the tooth would have to go. But not today. Today, under IV sedation, he cut into the gum and insterted a drain to let out all the abcess. On Friday i will go back to him and have the drain taken out. I left his office feeling pretty comfortable, with a wad of gauze in my mouth, and orders to take the antibiotics, not eat or drink until the gauze came out (after the bleeding stopped), and to only eat mushy foods until Friday.
The IV sedation was actually rather cool. He sprayed my arm with a super cold spray--super cold but not at all uncomfortable. I never felt the IV go in, but almost immediately I started to feel woozy. Gotta love that Versed! I said goodnight, and next thing I knew it was all over! I was sort of groggy for about 20 minutes, so it was good that I had had a friend drive me there and back.
Once home, I put an ice pack over my lower jaw, as directed, 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. Despite that, my jaw has swollen up pretty big. This apparently is normal, but it looks anything but! The pain was pretty minimal, even as the novocaine was wearing off. I thought "ok, this is going well".
But wait, not so fast! I noticed I was feeling a little itchy. This is not a totally uncommon thing for me, since I have very dry skin in the winter and tend to get itchy quite often. But it got worse and worse. So I went in the bathroom to have a look, and found that I was starting to break out in hives! They spread all over my body, arms, legs, wrists, back, butt, chest, even in unmentionable spots! So, I called to oral surgeon to say it looked like I was having an allergic reaction to something. The Versed? The antibiotic? Who knows. At any rate, since I wasn't having any trouble breathing, they said to take Benadryl, and if breathing became a problem, go to the ER.
Great. I took the Benadryl, and my breathing stayed fine. Then I realized, maybe I shouldn't take the antibiotic anymore? So I called my dentist, the one who started me on them, to ask what I should do. He agreed that with my history of multiple antibiotic allergies, it was likely that that was the culprit. So he said to stop taking it, and to take 2 Benadryl every 6 hours until Friday when I go back to the oral surgeon. OK, but what about antibiotics? The whole idea is that the drain will help the abcess clear out, and the antibiotic will do it's work even better. But now I'm not TAKING an antibiotic! He said it was OK, and he was gonna talk to the oral surgeon anyway, so I just left it there.
The Benadryl knocked me flat out. I slept from 3:30 until about 6, and woke up hangry (wonder why--maybe becuase I hadn't eaten in 12 hours? I made some pastina for dinner, and my dear daughter the chef made mac and cheese for herself and her brother. We mixed up a batch of reduced fat soft vanilla ice cream, which was really good and felt so nice in my mouth. I could only eat a little, and then started feeling really nauseous. I proceeded to lie in the recliner and go back to sleep from about 6:45 until 9.
Now the pain has kicked in a bit more, so I took some Motrin. The hives and itching are gone. I'll take more Benadryl in a little while, along with the rest of the Motrin, and try to sleep for a few hours. I rigged up a head wrap to hold the ice in place and that seemed to work well. My jaw is still very swollen. But at least I didn't have to go to the emergency room!
My big concern in all of this is that I have to avoid "excessive" activity until Friday. In other words, no exercise! I've already missed Monday and today at the gym. (I did take a pool class yesterday becuase I was feeling decent.) Now I have 2 more days of no gym. HOPEFULLY I can go back on Saturday, but I won't know until I see the oral surgeon Friday. This has me worried. 4 days of no exercise? Heck, even after my surgery I'll be able to lift hand weights, and I'll have PT to get me moving. But this just sitting around is way weird for me! I'm guessing the scale will tell the sad story on Friday, probably showing a gain. True, I'm eating less, which helps, but still, I don't want to lose ground.
And I'm concerned that I'm so concerned! Am I obsessed with exercise? Is it "normal" to be worried about missing it? Or do I have a problem? I just have too much time on my hands that I can spend worrying!
So far, I've not been real impressed with 2009. If this is an indication of what the year is going to be like, I think I'd prefer to just go back to 2008!
Over the weekend, a tooth started bothering me. By Sunday night, I was in some pretty serious pain. Percocet didn't touch it. I spent a sleepless night, waiting for morning to call my dentist. I headed in to see him on Monday, by which time I could not even lightly touch the tooth without hitting the ceiling from the pain! He opened the tooth, did a partial root canal, drained the abcess, and I was a happy camper.
Until the novocaine wore off. Then the pain came back, a little at a time, until it was almost as bad as before I saw him! This was Tuesday afternoon, and I headed back up to see him. He did basically the same thing as Monday, and finally said the tooth could probably not be saved. He arranged an emergency visit to an oral surgeon for today. Again, I was fine until the novocaine wore off, and then the pain returned again. It was different this time--in stead of being localized to just the tooth, it was the whole lower jaw area. It was hard to open my mouth.
Knowing I would have to have nothing to eat or drink for 6 hours before my appointment, since I'd be having IV sedation, I got up at the crack of dawn this morning to eat some breakfast and take some Motrin and my antibiotic. Then i went back to bed to pass the time. I got to the oral surgeon just before noon, and had the coolest Xray I've ever had. I sat in this nifty chair with my chin on a sort of shelf and a little plastic thing between my front teeth, as the Xray machine moved in a circle around me. Pretty nifty!
The oral surgeon took a look at the Xray and my tooth, and agreed that the tooth would have to go. But not today. Today, under IV sedation, he cut into the gum and insterted a drain to let out all the abcess. On Friday i will go back to him and have the drain taken out. I left his office feeling pretty comfortable, with a wad of gauze in my mouth, and orders to take the antibiotics, not eat or drink until the gauze came out (after the bleeding stopped), and to only eat mushy foods until Friday.
The IV sedation was actually rather cool. He sprayed my arm with a super cold spray--super cold but not at all uncomfortable. I never felt the IV go in, but almost immediately I started to feel woozy. Gotta love that Versed! I said goodnight, and next thing I knew it was all over! I was sort of groggy for about 20 minutes, so it was good that I had had a friend drive me there and back.
Once home, I put an ice pack over my lower jaw, as directed, 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. Despite that, my jaw has swollen up pretty big. This apparently is normal, but it looks anything but! The pain was pretty minimal, even as the novocaine was wearing off. I thought "ok, this is going well".
But wait, not so fast! I noticed I was feeling a little itchy. This is not a totally uncommon thing for me, since I have very dry skin in the winter and tend to get itchy quite often. But it got worse and worse. So I went in the bathroom to have a look, and found that I was starting to break out in hives! They spread all over my body, arms, legs, wrists, back, butt, chest, even in unmentionable spots! So, I called to oral surgeon to say it looked like I was having an allergic reaction to something. The Versed? The antibiotic? Who knows. At any rate, since I wasn't having any trouble breathing, they said to take Benadryl, and if breathing became a problem, go to the ER.
Great. I took the Benadryl, and my breathing stayed fine. Then I realized, maybe I shouldn't take the antibiotic anymore? So I called my dentist, the one who started me on them, to ask what I should do. He agreed that with my history of multiple antibiotic allergies, it was likely that that was the culprit. So he said to stop taking it, and to take 2 Benadryl every 6 hours until Friday when I go back to the oral surgeon. OK, but what about antibiotics? The whole idea is that the drain will help the abcess clear out, and the antibiotic will do it's work even better. But now I'm not TAKING an antibiotic! He said it was OK, and he was gonna talk to the oral surgeon anyway, so I just left it there.
The Benadryl knocked me flat out. I slept from 3:30 until about 6, and woke up hangry (wonder why--maybe becuase I hadn't eaten in 12 hours? I made some pastina for dinner, and my dear daughter the chef made mac and cheese for herself and her brother. We mixed up a batch of reduced fat soft vanilla ice cream, which was really good and felt so nice in my mouth. I could only eat a little, and then started feeling really nauseous. I proceeded to lie in the recliner and go back to sleep from about 6:45 until 9.
Now the pain has kicked in a bit more, so I took some Motrin. The hives and itching are gone. I'll take more Benadryl in a little while, along with the rest of the Motrin, and try to sleep for a few hours. I rigged up a head wrap to hold the ice in place and that seemed to work well. My jaw is still very swollen. But at least I didn't have to go to the emergency room!
My big concern in all of this is that I have to avoid "excessive" activity until Friday. In other words, no exercise! I've already missed Monday and today at the gym. (I did take a pool class yesterday becuase I was feeling decent.) Now I have 2 more days of no gym. HOPEFULLY I can go back on Saturday, but I won't know until I see the oral surgeon Friday. This has me worried. 4 days of no exercise? Heck, even after my surgery I'll be able to lift hand weights, and I'll have PT to get me moving. But this just sitting around is way weird for me! I'm guessing the scale will tell the sad story on Friday, probably showing a gain. True, I'm eating less, which helps, but still, I don't want to lose ground.
And I'm concerned that I'm so concerned! Am I obsessed with exercise? Is it "normal" to be worried about missing it? Or do I have a problem? I just have too much time on my hands that I can spend worrying!
So far, I've not been real impressed with 2009. If this is an indication of what the year is going to be like, I think I'd prefer to just go back to 2008!
Monday, March 23, 2009
January 1, 2009 New Year's Musings
I don't make New Year's resolutions. Ever. Why? Because they are made to be broken! 87% of people who make them won't last through January! To me, it's a waste of time and energy.
What I make are COMMITTMENTS. Committments to myself, to God, or to others. Last year I made a committment to get healthy. And I DID it. I've never been healthier!
So what about this year? Well, some of the things I really want to do, and intend to do, aren't completely up to me. So my committment to those things has to have a sort of * next to it.
* I commit to TRY to ride a bicycle in 2009. This is not up to me. It totally depends on my knee surgeon! If he can give me enough bend in my knees, I WILL ride a bike this year!
I commit to continue doing what I've been doing with exercise and food. Hey, it's been working really really well! Why stop now! I fully intend to get to my goal weight and STAY THERE!
* I commit to getting rid of clutter and excess this year. Now, I share a home with two kids, and I don't have complete control over THEIR clutter. ( I DO however, have access to their "stuff" and to giant Hefty bags!!) As for MY clutter, we'll it's outta here! I've already made a big dent by cleaning part of my office. The rest of that room is my target for today. We cleaned up alot for our party last night, and I intend to keep it that way! Do we really need this? No? Buh-bye!! Hopefully I can save some money in the process, by not buying stuff we really don't need or have space for.
Finally, I commit to being the best ME I can be. To live each day to it's fullest. To smile more and yell less. To get enough sleep so I have energy for the day ahead. To reach out to others more and hibernate less. To pray more and gossip less. To be grateful more and complain less. To slow down and enjoy the wonderful life I've been blessed with.
I hope a year from now I can look back and say I've succeeded in making 2009 the best year ever. It's gonna be hard to top 2008, but who knows?
Happy New Year!
What I make are COMMITTMENTS. Committments to myself, to God, or to others. Last year I made a committment to get healthy. And I DID it. I've never been healthier!
So what about this year? Well, some of the things I really want to do, and intend to do, aren't completely up to me. So my committment to those things has to have a sort of * next to it.
* I commit to TRY to ride a bicycle in 2009. This is not up to me. It totally depends on my knee surgeon! If he can give me enough bend in my knees, I WILL ride a bike this year!
I commit to continue doing what I've been doing with exercise and food. Hey, it's been working really really well! Why stop now! I fully intend to get to my goal weight and STAY THERE!
* I commit to getting rid of clutter and excess this year. Now, I share a home with two kids, and I don't have complete control over THEIR clutter. ( I DO however, have access to their "stuff" and to giant Hefty bags!!) As for MY clutter, we'll it's outta here! I've already made a big dent by cleaning part of my office. The rest of that room is my target for today. We cleaned up alot for our party last night, and I intend to keep it that way! Do we really need this? No? Buh-bye!! Hopefully I can save some money in the process, by not buying stuff we really don't need or have space for.
Finally, I commit to being the best ME I can be. To live each day to it's fullest. To smile more and yell less. To get enough sleep so I have energy for the day ahead. To reach out to others more and hibernate less. To pray more and gossip less. To be grateful more and complain less. To slow down and enjoy the wonderful life I've been blessed with.
I hope a year from now I can look back and say I've succeeded in making 2009 the best year ever. It's gonna be hard to top 2008, but who knows?
Happy New Year!
December 25, 2008 Healthy Christmas
Well, Christmas has come and almost gone. Overall it was a really good one. But different in SO many ways!
For starters, there were the presents. I had asked the kids for a set of dumbbells--3, 5, and 8 pounds. And that's exactly what they got me! In addition, Santa brought me a Pilates DVD and a new iPod Nano with an armband for wearing it at the gym. Fitness equipment is the last thing I'd ever have asked for in the past, but this year it was all I really wanted. Of course, my favorite present came from the scale this morning--down 2 pounds this week!!
Next, there was a big difference in the food. Not only was most of what I cooked organic and lacking in poisons like trans fats and high fructose corn syrup, but there was more emphasis on veggies and fruits. Also, the portions were MUCH smaller! I paced myself through the day so I didn't get too full to enjoy the next meal. Breakfast was the pancakes I'd so looked forward to, but they were quite a disappointment. Lunch was a simple turkey sandwich with the roll gutted, but it was dry and pretty unappealing. I added a cup of grape tomatoes and enjoyed those alot better than the sandwich.
I'd made Butternut and Apple Soup from a recipe I got from the chef on our riverboat cruise last summer. We had all LOVED the soup, and I had agreed to make it for Christmas dinner. Again, a big disappointment. It had nowhere near the flavor of the original, which was so good I could have eaten it for dessert! Fortunately, dinner was quite nice. The chicken was moist and tender, the stuffing was delicious, and the peas, mashed potatoes, rolls and cranberry sauce did not disappoint.
Laura had gotten a Soft Serve Ice Cream Maker from Grandma and Grandpa, so we'd planned on her making some for dessert. It turned out really yummy, and was perfect on top of my apple pie, which could have used a little more time in the oven to soften up the apples. The taste was certainly not compromised though, and we all enjoyed it--just a small piece for me, thank you!
Yes, I grazed a bit during the day. A couple pieces of shortbread that Santa put in my stocking, a couple of nibbles of the mini M&Ms the kids got, but I really did not go overboard. I logged a good part of my food, and, while I knew I was over my calorie range, I didn't feel like I'd just "blown it".
Finally, I think the biggest difference was ME. Both physically and mentally, I am such a different person than I was last Christmas. I was on my feet most of the day, and yet my feet, legs, and back aren't bothering me a bit. I was much less stressed than usual, and really enjoyed opening the presents and watching the kids' reactions. I didn't worry that things weren't perfect, I just did my best and that was good enough. And, while I did feel that it was a "free" day food-wise, I didn't feel the need to "get it all in today cause tomorrow it's back to the famine".
It was so nice to be able to concentrate on the best parts of the holiday--spending time with family and friends. I had a great visit with Tracey and her family at lunchtime. Laura joined me for Pilates (but got bored pretty quickly and went back to her computer). I helped Danny put together his new drum set. My dad brought me a huge bag of family scrapbooks, letters, photos, and geneology charts, and we had a great time reading through the letters, looking at the pictures, and trying to figure out who the heck these people were. Danny and I worked together on making dinner, Laura and I set the table together. I had a nice call from my sister in Turkey and got caught up on their day as well. For once these things were far more important than what I could put into my mouth.
When I think about the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I know that, no matter how wonderful the gifts today, both under the tree and otherwise, the greatest gift of all time was a humble baby, lying in a manger, sent from a loving and benevolent God. As we read the story of that first Christmas this morning, I thought about that gift and what a difference it's made in my life. After all, it's that gift that makes all the other gifts, even the very gift of my life, possible.
"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulders, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:5-7.
Merry Christmas!
For starters, there were the presents. I had asked the kids for a set of dumbbells--3, 5, and 8 pounds. And that's exactly what they got me! In addition, Santa brought me a Pilates DVD and a new iPod Nano with an armband for wearing it at the gym. Fitness equipment is the last thing I'd ever have asked for in the past, but this year it was all I really wanted. Of course, my favorite present came from the scale this morning--down 2 pounds this week!!
Next, there was a big difference in the food. Not only was most of what I cooked organic and lacking in poisons like trans fats and high fructose corn syrup, but there was more emphasis on veggies and fruits. Also, the portions were MUCH smaller! I paced myself through the day so I didn't get too full to enjoy the next meal. Breakfast was the pancakes I'd so looked forward to, but they were quite a disappointment. Lunch was a simple turkey sandwich with the roll gutted, but it was dry and pretty unappealing. I added a cup of grape tomatoes and enjoyed those alot better than the sandwich.
I'd made Butternut and Apple Soup from a recipe I got from the chef on our riverboat cruise last summer. We had all LOVED the soup, and I had agreed to make it for Christmas dinner. Again, a big disappointment. It had nowhere near the flavor of the original, which was so good I could have eaten it for dessert! Fortunately, dinner was quite nice. The chicken was moist and tender, the stuffing was delicious, and the peas, mashed potatoes, rolls and cranberry sauce did not disappoint.
Laura had gotten a Soft Serve Ice Cream Maker from Grandma and Grandpa, so we'd planned on her making some for dessert. It turned out really yummy, and was perfect on top of my apple pie, which could have used a little more time in the oven to soften up the apples. The taste was certainly not compromised though, and we all enjoyed it--just a small piece for me, thank you!
Yes, I grazed a bit during the day. A couple pieces of shortbread that Santa put in my stocking, a couple of nibbles of the mini M&Ms the kids got, but I really did not go overboard. I logged a good part of my food, and, while I knew I was over my calorie range, I didn't feel like I'd just "blown it".
Finally, I think the biggest difference was ME. Both physically and mentally, I am such a different person than I was last Christmas. I was on my feet most of the day, and yet my feet, legs, and back aren't bothering me a bit. I was much less stressed than usual, and really enjoyed opening the presents and watching the kids' reactions. I didn't worry that things weren't perfect, I just did my best and that was good enough. And, while I did feel that it was a "free" day food-wise, I didn't feel the need to "get it all in today cause tomorrow it's back to the famine".
It was so nice to be able to concentrate on the best parts of the holiday--spending time with family and friends. I had a great visit with Tracey and her family at lunchtime. Laura joined me for Pilates (but got bored pretty quickly and went back to her computer). I helped Danny put together his new drum set. My dad brought me a huge bag of family scrapbooks, letters, photos, and geneology charts, and we had a great time reading through the letters, looking at the pictures, and trying to figure out who the heck these people were. Danny and I worked together on making dinner, Laura and I set the table together. I had a nice call from my sister in Turkey and got caught up on their day as well. For once these things were far more important than what I could put into my mouth.
When I think about the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I know that, no matter how wonderful the gifts today, both under the tree and otherwise, the greatest gift of all time was a humble baby, lying in a manger, sent from a loving and benevolent God. As we read the story of that first Christmas this morning, I thought about that gift and what a difference it's made in my life. After all, it's that gift that makes all the other gifts, even the very gift of my life, possible.
"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulders, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:5-7.
Merry Christmas!
December 15, 2008 The Sweet Taste Of Success
I am officially down 100 pounds! WOOOHOOO!!!
I stepped on the scale today and saw 185.8 and just about screamed for joy!!! (but the kids were still sleeping...) I did it!! I really did it!! Thank you God!
So, off to the gym for my workout, and then home to change and put on my UGG boots!!! It felt so cool to put them on, tuck my jeans inside, and tromp down the hall. They are very comfy and I really love them. But more than that is the meaning behind them. When I look at them, I know how hard I worked for them. I imagine I'll be wearing them ALOT this winter!
So, I was thinking about what it means to have lost 100 pounds. That's ALOT of pounds! 5 Thanksgiving turkeys. My daughter, fully dressed in snow boots, parka,, snow pants, and all the underlying layers. 20 bags of sugar.
Then I remembered that Token Fat Guy would always post a list of things that weigh as much as he has lost. So I decided to check it out.
I have lost:
A large male deer
A Hellfire missle
A Barrett M-99 Benchrest rifle
A Newfoundland dog
A hawkbill sea turtle
4 bags of dog food
3 1/3 propane tanks--FULL
2 1/2 5-gallon water bottles
Now, I can NOT imagine lifting any of these things. (heck, I struggle with ONE of those water jugs!) But that's exactly what I did, day in and day out, just a year ago. No wonder I always looked for the closest parking spot, the shortest route, the easiest way. Self preserrvation, no doubt!
How things have changed! I park whereever there's a spot. Sometimes that means a good long walk, but I don't mind. I can do it! I carry stuff all the time that I couldn't have done before. And, rather than needing an ECV like a year ago, I'm sure that I could walk all over Disneyworld with no problem!
Some other things have gotten alot easier too:
Getting up out of a chair (and for that matter, I've noticed that chairs have gotten MUCH bigger in the past year!)
Buying clothes
Tying my shoes
Putting on socks
Cooking that involves standing for a long time
Grocery shopping
Playing with the dog
Even just my everyday activities are easier, faster, and more automatic. I barely notice that I'm even walking, where it used to be a struggle. Taking a shower doesn't leave me feeling winded. Heck, putting up Chrismtas decoractions was even easier this year!
Next week I will go for my annual physical. No doubt there have been HUGE changes there as well. Eating the way I do, and exercising regularly, can only have a positive impact on my lab work, my EKG, my blood pressure.
I'm finally getting used to the compliments. In fact, I rather enjoy them! Quite an ego boost, really. But I know I didn't do this for the compliments. I did this for ME. For my health. For my future.
10.8 pounds to go and then I'll hit maintenance. I figure it will probably take me until April to lose it, since I hope to just maintain for the month after surgery. (recovering from major surgery does not go along well with weight loss!) Then the fun begins, the real challenge, of maintenance.
The difference this time is that it hasn't been about a diet--it's truly a lifestyle change. And I exercise now, which I never did before. A whole different way of life. By God's grace, I have come this far, and by His strength I will finish the job and continue on in my new life as a thin person.
I have to be honest and say that I did not do this myself. Not even close. Without God, without SparkPeople, without my family and friends, without my trainers, without Canyon Ranch, without Scotland, this would not have happened. But all of those things and people came together to make this a success, one that could not have happened on my power alone.
So thank you to everyone who has encouraged me, supported me, held my hand when I cried, cheered me on, listened to me when I needed to vent, and most of all, believed in me when I wasn't sure I could believe in myself. I may have lost 100 pounds, but I've gained infinitely more of what's really important in life.
And, as if this day wasn't already wonderful, I decided to nite to try on my grey suit. The one I bought 17 years ago that's been hanging in my closet waiting for "someday". Well, "someday" is TODAY! It fits! And it looks great!
I'll be going to bed with a smile on my face tonite!
I stepped on the scale today and saw 185.8 and just about screamed for joy!!! (but the kids were still sleeping...) I did it!! I really did it!! Thank you God!
So, off to the gym for my workout, and then home to change and put on my UGG boots!!! It felt so cool to put them on, tuck my jeans inside, and tromp down the hall. They are very comfy and I really love them. But more than that is the meaning behind them. When I look at them, I know how hard I worked for them. I imagine I'll be wearing them ALOT this winter!
So, I was thinking about what it means to have lost 100 pounds. That's ALOT of pounds! 5 Thanksgiving turkeys. My daughter, fully dressed in snow boots, parka,, snow pants, and all the underlying layers. 20 bags of sugar.
Then I remembered that Token Fat Guy would always post a list of things that weigh as much as he has lost. So I decided to check it out.
I have lost:
A large male deer
A Hellfire missle
A Barrett M-99 Benchrest rifle
A Newfoundland dog
A hawkbill sea turtle
4 bags of dog food
3 1/3 propane tanks--FULL
2 1/2 5-gallon water bottles
Now, I can NOT imagine lifting any of these things. (heck, I struggle with ONE of those water jugs!) But that's exactly what I did, day in and day out, just a year ago. No wonder I always looked for the closest parking spot, the shortest route, the easiest way. Self preserrvation, no doubt!
How things have changed! I park whereever there's a spot. Sometimes that means a good long walk, but I don't mind. I can do it! I carry stuff all the time that I couldn't have done before. And, rather than needing an ECV like a year ago, I'm sure that I could walk all over Disneyworld with no problem!
Some other things have gotten alot easier too:
Getting up out of a chair (and for that matter, I've noticed that chairs have gotten MUCH bigger in the past year!)
Buying clothes
Tying my shoes
Putting on socks
Cooking that involves standing for a long time
Grocery shopping
Playing with the dog
Even just my everyday activities are easier, faster, and more automatic. I barely notice that I'm even walking, where it used to be a struggle. Taking a shower doesn't leave me feeling winded. Heck, putting up Chrismtas decoractions was even easier this year!
Next week I will go for my annual physical. No doubt there have been HUGE changes there as well. Eating the way I do, and exercising regularly, can only have a positive impact on my lab work, my EKG, my blood pressure.
I'm finally getting used to the compliments. In fact, I rather enjoy them! Quite an ego boost, really. But I know I didn't do this for the compliments. I did this for ME. For my health. For my future.
10.8 pounds to go and then I'll hit maintenance. I figure it will probably take me until April to lose it, since I hope to just maintain for the month after surgery. (recovering from major surgery does not go along well with weight loss!) Then the fun begins, the real challenge, of maintenance.
The difference this time is that it hasn't been about a diet--it's truly a lifestyle change. And I exercise now, which I never did before. A whole different way of life. By God's grace, I have come this far, and by His strength I will finish the job and continue on in my new life as a thin person.
I have to be honest and say that I did not do this myself. Not even close. Without God, without SparkPeople, without my family and friends, without my trainers, without Canyon Ranch, without Scotland, this would not have happened. But all of those things and people came together to make this a success, one that could not have happened on my power alone.
So thank you to everyone who has encouraged me, supported me, held my hand when I cried, cheered me on, listened to me when I needed to vent, and most of all, believed in me when I wasn't sure I could believe in myself. I may have lost 100 pounds, but I've gained infinitely more of what's really important in life.
And, as if this day wasn't already wonderful, I decided to nite to try on my grey suit. The one I bought 17 years ago that's been hanging in my closet waiting for "someday". Well, "someday" is TODAY! It fits! And it looks great!
I'll be going to bed with a smile on my face tonite!
December 13, 2008 Odds and Ends
It's abeen quite a week here. The Christmas rush is on, busy busy busy! Happy to say the gifts are wrapped, the cards are sent, and I'm DONE!
The scale was down another pound yesterday. Just 0.4 away from that 186 goal and my new UGG boots! I will check on Tuesday (becuase I REALLY want to wear those boots!), but hopefully by Friday for sure I'll be there. The really cool thing is that since Halloween, I've lost 7 pounds, but I've GAINED 7 pounds of muscle! So my BMR has gone up, and my body fat % is down.
Saw the nutritionist on Monday and got an A+ in food and fitness! We discussed maintenance, as well as how to handle the drop in exercise after surgery. I think I'm going to be ok with this! She says I should do Pilates at least once a week because it makes my muscles burn more calories. So on Thursday I went to another Pilates class. My body had just stopped hurting that morning from Saturday's class, so I wasn't keen on the idea of more pain. But this class was much more to my tolerance. There were still plenty of things I couldn't do, and some things I had to modify (the woman next to me did likewise, and I just followed her), but for the most part I kept up. And I'm happy to say the pain was minimal. Just the lower abs are sore. Hey, I'm so glad to know I HAVE lower abs, I don't care if they hurt!
Last night was the annual girls' Christmas party. As always, it was great fun. I really got a kick out of some of the responses when people saw me. (alot of them I haven't seen since last year's party). Several literally did not recognize me! Everyone had to ask what I'm doing, etc. Again, a bit of disappointment when they found out it wasn't a quick fix, and that I'm at the gym 6 days a week.
I was a bit nervous about food, but I did really well. Thankfully, all the "bad" stuff was either stuff i don't like, or it had eggs in it. Poof! No problems there! I ended up only about 100 calories over my limit. Not too shabby! I did eat some mint M&Ms when I got home, but I know that was a combo of stress/emotional eating and a bit of the "what the heck" attitude after the party (and before I knew how well I'd actually done.) At any rate, I am back on track today with no problems.
I figured out that if I lose one pound a week (and only 1/2 pound Christmas week), and lose nothing the month of February (after surgery), I will reach my goal of 175 at my April 3 weigh in. I really really like the idea of having 3 1/2 months to go before I get to maintenance. Only 11 pounds, but it should take me awhile. Now watch, I'll start losing like crazy and get there before surgery!
I bought some Christmas shirts at WalMart (realized I had NO Christmas clothing, and I usually wear it the entire month of December). I ended up with Misses LARGE (size 12-14)!!! That was an unexpected treat!
I saw the hernia surgeon and he says I've lost enough weight now that whenever I'm ready, he will cut out all the bad tissue, clean out all the mesh that my body keeps rejecting, and pull together the good tissue, close it with Alloderm (which I DON'T reject) and then mobilize all the layers and close it with a tummy tuck. Cool!!! So, worst case scenario, I'll have a draining abdominal wound in a little tiny waist. STILL an improvement over now! And God willing, I'll have a little tiny INTACT waist! (oh please, oh please!) So probably right after Easter. Gotta have time to recover before Scotland!
Wednesday is my annual physical. I'm curious to see how my blood work looks. The doctor will certainly be pleased with the change in weight from last year, although she's seen me intermittently over the past year, so it won't be a total shock. I can't remember the last time I was in, but I've certainly lost inches since then.
Well, just 11 days until Christmas. I'm still not really in the Christmas spirit, despite the gifts, cards and decorating being done, and despite wearing Christmas clothes every day this past week. And even listening to Christmas songs on the radio all week. Not sure why I'm not into it this year. Maybe becuase I see the sorry state of the world and realize how messed up everyone's priorites are as they stand in line for hours in the cold to get the next hot gift for their spoiled kids. Call me a cynic, but I just can't get into that. I wish everyone would take a few minutes to stop and think about what Christmas is REALLY all about--the birth of our Savior. That's the greatest gift ever given. Nothing else even comes close.
Merry Christmas!
The scale was down another pound yesterday. Just 0.4 away from that 186 goal and my new UGG boots! I will check on Tuesday (becuase I REALLY want to wear those boots!), but hopefully by Friday for sure I'll be there. The really cool thing is that since Halloween, I've lost 7 pounds, but I've GAINED 7 pounds of muscle! So my BMR has gone up, and my body fat % is down.
Saw the nutritionist on Monday and got an A+ in food and fitness! We discussed maintenance, as well as how to handle the drop in exercise after surgery. I think I'm going to be ok with this! She says I should do Pilates at least once a week because it makes my muscles burn more calories. So on Thursday I went to another Pilates class. My body had just stopped hurting that morning from Saturday's class, so I wasn't keen on the idea of more pain. But this class was much more to my tolerance. There were still plenty of things I couldn't do, and some things I had to modify (the woman next to me did likewise, and I just followed her), but for the most part I kept up. And I'm happy to say the pain was minimal. Just the lower abs are sore. Hey, I'm so glad to know I HAVE lower abs, I don't care if they hurt!
Last night was the annual girls' Christmas party. As always, it was great fun. I really got a kick out of some of the responses when people saw me. (alot of them I haven't seen since last year's party). Several literally did not recognize me! Everyone had to ask what I'm doing, etc. Again, a bit of disappointment when they found out it wasn't a quick fix, and that I'm at the gym 6 days a week.
I was a bit nervous about food, but I did really well. Thankfully, all the "bad" stuff was either stuff i don't like, or it had eggs in it. Poof! No problems there! I ended up only about 100 calories over my limit. Not too shabby! I did eat some mint M&Ms when I got home, but I know that was a combo of stress/emotional eating and a bit of the "what the heck" attitude after the party (and before I knew how well I'd actually done.) At any rate, I am back on track today with no problems.
I figured out that if I lose one pound a week (and only 1/2 pound Christmas week), and lose nothing the month of February (after surgery), I will reach my goal of 175 at my April 3 weigh in. I really really like the idea of having 3 1/2 months to go before I get to maintenance. Only 11 pounds, but it should take me awhile. Now watch, I'll start losing like crazy and get there before surgery!
I bought some Christmas shirts at WalMart (realized I had NO Christmas clothing, and I usually wear it the entire month of December). I ended up with Misses LARGE (size 12-14)!!! That was an unexpected treat!
I saw the hernia surgeon and he says I've lost enough weight now that whenever I'm ready, he will cut out all the bad tissue, clean out all the mesh that my body keeps rejecting, and pull together the good tissue, close it with Alloderm (which I DON'T reject) and then mobilize all the layers and close it with a tummy tuck. Cool!!! So, worst case scenario, I'll have a draining abdominal wound in a little tiny waist. STILL an improvement over now! And God willing, I'll have a little tiny INTACT waist! (oh please, oh please!) So probably right after Easter. Gotta have time to recover before Scotland!
Wednesday is my annual physical. I'm curious to see how my blood work looks. The doctor will certainly be pleased with the change in weight from last year, although she's seen me intermittently over the past year, so it won't be a total shock. I can't remember the last time I was in, but I've certainly lost inches since then.
Well, just 11 days until Christmas. I'm still not really in the Christmas spirit, despite the gifts, cards and decorating being done, and despite wearing Christmas clothes every day this past week. And even listening to Christmas songs on the radio all week. Not sure why I'm not into it this year. Maybe becuase I see the sorry state of the world and realize how messed up everyone's priorites are as they stand in line for hours in the cold to get the next hot gift for their spoiled kids. Call me a cynic, but I just can't get into that. I wish everyone would take a few minutes to stop and think about what Christmas is REALLY all about--the birth of our Savior. That's the greatest gift ever given. Nothing else even comes close.
Merry Christmas!
December 6, 2008 Taking It To The (Pilates) Mat
When I went for my fitness assessment last week, the nurse suggested I try some classes. Since I felt the need to "shake things up" with my workouts, I agreed that it was a good idea.
So, on her recommendation, this morning I headed for the 8:45 Pilates Mat class. She had assured me that my current fitness level would make this class a perfect fit for me.
I walked into the nearly dark room, found a mat and a spot on the floor, and took off my sneakers, as everyone else had done (I'd actually wondered what type of shoes one wears for Pilates, now I know!) I saw that everyone had some sort of a round, ring type thingy, so I got one of those too. I took a seat on my mat and waited for class to begin.
We started out with some stretching. First thing, everyone sits Indian style. Umm, can't do that, so I modified. Not particularly comfortable, so I kept changing how I was sitting. But I was able to do all the stretches, and they felt pretty good. Hey, not too bad!
Next, we lay on our backs and did some leg lift sorts of things, some crunches of some kind, some bridges, and some other stuff I seem to have blocked from my memory. Several times I just had to stop, because my legs couldn't stay up in the air any longer! I WAS pleased to see that the one move that had us coming up to a sitting position from flat on our backs was quite do-able for me, although I got the feeling that my abs would be singing to me later today, and it wouldn't be the Hallelujah Chorus.
Then it was time to pick up the rings. They're sort of a bendable ring with foam hand holds on each side. But all I could think of was the sensor rings in the "Coneheads" movie!! (you know, the ones they use for Conehead "sex".) Anyway, it started out ok, holding them overhead while we did leg lifts--it was supposed to help the "mind-body connection". Whatever. Then, she told us to put the ring between our feet. Um, how? I had to sit up to do it, but when I tried to lie down, it kept falling out! Everyone else seemed to have had no problem, and was happily doing the moves as the instructor called them out. I was still fighting with the sensor ring.
She had us turn on our sides and do some small leg lifts. Now THIS I can do! I do it every session with my trainer, and with weights! She came around to check our form, and commented that even though I was unable to do some of the other moves, I did have perfect form. Well, form before function, right? I was fine at that point, until she said to put the ring between my shins and compress it somewhat between the legs. Umm, OW! That hurts! But again, everyone else seemed to be fine with it, so I just did my best. My hips were making nasty remarks about the stupidity of being in this class, but I ignored them and kept going.
Time to turn on our stomachs. Off come the glasses. Rest your nose on the mat. Imagine pushing a marble with your nose. So far, so good. But then she had us get on all fours. Um, I can't DO that. My knees don't work right, they don't bend that far, and I can't really do it. So I SORT OF did it, but not all the way up on my knees. That was just fine, until she asked us to raise up our right arm, and then our left leg. AT THE SAME TIME! Which would have left me supporting all 187.4 pounds of me on my right knee and left arm! NOT gonna happen honey!
At this point they started doing all sorts of funky moves that were so far out of the realm of possibility for me that I just lay down on the mat and watched everyone else. I sneeked a peek at the clock and saw that we had 10 minutes to go. Now she wants us to get into "child's position". HUH?? So I watch the others, and they all fold their knees under them and sit back on their calves. Hmm, I couldn't do that when I was 8 years old! "Now bend foreward and stretch your arms out". In other words, fold yourself up into a tiny little package and you can probably fit into a large suitcase, suitable for shipping to some far-away place where they've never heard of Pilates. Needless to say, I was unable to do this part. OR the part where you make a "C" out of your body, with your legs in a "V" position, and roll back onto your back and then up to a nearly seated poisiton, over and over and over.
Finally, it was time to stand up. Yay! I can DO that! So up I came onto my feet, and was able to "stack my spine" up quite nicely into the stretches she had us do. At last, the class came to an end, and I gratefully put away my mat and sensor ring, put my sneakers back on, and took a nice, long drink of water.
I headed out the door, intending to hit the elliptical and spend 45 minutes doing something that I'm actually GOOD at. But coming in was a friend from church who teaches classes there at the gym. "What are you doing?", she asks me. I told her I had just taken a Pilates class, and she asked why I didn't take hers. (Believe me, I know better. I've heard all about her classes, and she is BRUTAL!) So she says I should take her spin class. LOL, yeah, right! I explained that I can't ride a bike because I don't have enough bend in my knees. So she drags me into the spin class room, shows me her bike, and has me hop on and try it. Sure enough, I can't do it. But she persists, and says next week when she isn't running to teach a class, she'll get me set up on a bike so I can turn the pedals, and then I can take her class.
Well, I really DO want to be able to ride a bike. It's my long term goal. So I told her, "If you can get a bike to work for me, I'll take your class". I figure it's a worthwhile trade. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm safe--she's not gonna be able to get one to work, so I'm not gonna have to take the class!
I headed off to the elliptical, and stopped on the way to check the class schedule for next week. Because on Thursday, I'm trying another class. Turbo Kick. Sorta like kick boxing, very fun.
According to the same nurse who said Pilates would be a great idea for me.
I wonder if I'll live to see Friday...
So, on her recommendation, this morning I headed for the 8:45 Pilates Mat class. She had assured me that my current fitness level would make this class a perfect fit for me.
I walked into the nearly dark room, found a mat and a spot on the floor, and took off my sneakers, as everyone else had done (I'd actually wondered what type of shoes one wears for Pilates, now I know!) I saw that everyone had some sort of a round, ring type thingy, so I got one of those too. I took a seat on my mat and waited for class to begin.
We started out with some stretching. First thing, everyone sits Indian style. Umm, can't do that, so I modified. Not particularly comfortable, so I kept changing how I was sitting. But I was able to do all the stretches, and they felt pretty good. Hey, not too bad!
Next, we lay on our backs and did some leg lift sorts of things, some crunches of some kind, some bridges, and some other stuff I seem to have blocked from my memory. Several times I just had to stop, because my legs couldn't stay up in the air any longer! I WAS pleased to see that the one move that had us coming up to a sitting position from flat on our backs was quite do-able for me, although I got the feeling that my abs would be singing to me later today, and it wouldn't be the Hallelujah Chorus.
Then it was time to pick up the rings. They're sort of a bendable ring with foam hand holds on each side. But all I could think of was the sensor rings in the "Coneheads" movie!! (you know, the ones they use for Conehead "sex".) Anyway, it started out ok, holding them overhead while we did leg lifts--it was supposed to help the "mind-body connection". Whatever. Then, she told us to put the ring between our feet. Um, how? I had to sit up to do it, but when I tried to lie down, it kept falling out! Everyone else seemed to have had no problem, and was happily doing the moves as the instructor called them out. I was still fighting with the sensor ring.
She had us turn on our sides and do some small leg lifts. Now THIS I can do! I do it every session with my trainer, and with weights! She came around to check our form, and commented that even though I was unable to do some of the other moves, I did have perfect form. Well, form before function, right? I was fine at that point, until she said to put the ring between my shins and compress it somewhat between the legs. Umm, OW! That hurts! But again, everyone else seemed to be fine with it, so I just did my best. My hips were making nasty remarks about the stupidity of being in this class, but I ignored them and kept going.
Time to turn on our stomachs. Off come the glasses. Rest your nose on the mat. Imagine pushing a marble with your nose. So far, so good. But then she had us get on all fours. Um, I can't DO that. My knees don't work right, they don't bend that far, and I can't really do it. So I SORT OF did it, but not all the way up on my knees. That was just fine, until she asked us to raise up our right arm, and then our left leg. AT THE SAME TIME! Which would have left me supporting all 187.4 pounds of me on my right knee and left arm! NOT gonna happen honey!
At this point they started doing all sorts of funky moves that were so far out of the realm of possibility for me that I just lay down on the mat and watched everyone else. I sneeked a peek at the clock and saw that we had 10 minutes to go. Now she wants us to get into "child's position". HUH?? So I watch the others, and they all fold their knees under them and sit back on their calves. Hmm, I couldn't do that when I was 8 years old! "Now bend foreward and stretch your arms out". In other words, fold yourself up into a tiny little package and you can probably fit into a large suitcase, suitable for shipping to some far-away place where they've never heard of Pilates. Needless to say, I was unable to do this part. OR the part where you make a "C" out of your body, with your legs in a "V" position, and roll back onto your back and then up to a nearly seated poisiton, over and over and over.
Finally, it was time to stand up. Yay! I can DO that! So up I came onto my feet, and was able to "stack my spine" up quite nicely into the stretches she had us do. At last, the class came to an end, and I gratefully put away my mat and sensor ring, put my sneakers back on, and took a nice, long drink of water.
I headed out the door, intending to hit the elliptical and spend 45 minutes doing something that I'm actually GOOD at. But coming in was a friend from church who teaches classes there at the gym. "What are you doing?", she asks me. I told her I had just taken a Pilates class, and she asked why I didn't take hers. (Believe me, I know better. I've heard all about her classes, and she is BRUTAL!) So she says I should take her spin class. LOL, yeah, right! I explained that I can't ride a bike because I don't have enough bend in my knees. So she drags me into the spin class room, shows me her bike, and has me hop on and try it. Sure enough, I can't do it. But she persists, and says next week when she isn't running to teach a class, she'll get me set up on a bike so I can turn the pedals, and then I can take her class.
Well, I really DO want to be able to ride a bike. It's my long term goal. So I told her, "If you can get a bike to work for me, I'll take your class". I figure it's a worthwhile trade. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm safe--she's not gonna be able to get one to work, so I'm not gonna have to take the class!
I headed off to the elliptical, and stopped on the way to check the class schedule for next week. Because on Thursday, I'm trying another class. Turbo Kick. Sorta like kick boxing, very fun.
According to the same nurse who said Pilates would be a great idea for me.
I wonder if I'll live to see Friday...
December 4, 2008 Pushing The "Reset" Button
Well, I'm 2.4 pounds from my goal of 186. And I've been a bit nervous about the whole maintenance thing. And then I started thinking. Do I REALLY want to hit mainenance right before Christmas? (no!) Do I REALLY want to hit mainenance and then have surgery and not be able to exercise for a month? (no!) And most importantly, do I REALLY want to stop at 186? (NO!)
So I have reset my goal weight to 175. This will be a total of 111 pounds lost. I can then set my mainenance weight range at 175-180. I have room for a post-surgery 'bounce". I will be well within my ideal weight range of 173-186 (based on my % body fat and the amount of lean tissue I have).
Is this a copout? Maybe a little bit. I'm just delaying the inevitable foray into maintenance. BUT I think this is a good idea. It sets me up to SUCCEED! I will NOT change my goal again to lower than 175--any lower and I start to look anorexic! But I do feel good about my decision.
It's funny, in the past couple of days I've actually had 2 people who, after commenting on my weight loss and learning that I want to lose 13 more pounds, said "WHERE are you going to find 13 more pounds to lose?" Ummm, in my right THIGH?!?! Seriously folks, I'm not thin by any means. I can certainly find 13 pounds to lose, probably more but I WILL stop there. I just kind of chuckled when they said that. I've also had a couple people say I look like I weigh about 150. I wish!!! But hey, if I LOOK like 150, and my ideal weight according to the charts (useless pieces of paper that they are) is 143, then I guess I look pretty darn good!
The other day at the gym, a woman came up to me and said, "I just wanted to tell you, you look great!" I thanked her, and tried desperately to think of who she was. I realized I had absolutely no idea--her face was totally unfamiliar to me. Maybe I looked confused, but she finally said, "I've been watching you shrink, and I just wanted to come and tell you how good you look". WOW! A total stranger who noticed! That's a new one for me. And at the same time, there are still people who look at me and say, "oh, have you lost weight?" Umm, HELLOOOOO? Yeah, just 98 POUNDS! I cannot imagine someone I know losing that much weight and me not noticing until the end. I guess some folks are just oblivious! Heck, even my FATHER noticed! And he is the least observant person I know!
So I've been debating what to do as a reward for reaching the 186 goal point. I was thinking at first that it had to be pretty spectacular, since I'd never reached my goal weight before. But since I've reset my goal, I decided it doesn't have to be such a big deal. Anyway, I've decided on a pair of Ugg boots. I'm hoping I can go with the short ones, but if they are too tight on my calves, I'll go with the mini ones, that are just ankle boots. I was looking at the skinny girls at my kids' school today wearing theirs, and I'm just not sure the taller ones will be big enough. Unfortunately, I may have to go to the mall to find out. And I NEVER go to the mall during Christmas shopping season! But I've got to try them on before I buy them, so it looks like I don't have much choice.
My mom told me tonite she heard that Talbots may go out of business! WHAT?!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not Talbots! My favorite place to buy clothes! I guess I have to go and buy lots of clothes there very soon so I can personally keep them in business! If only I needed clothes right now...
So I have reset my goal weight to 175. This will be a total of 111 pounds lost. I can then set my mainenance weight range at 175-180. I have room for a post-surgery 'bounce". I will be well within my ideal weight range of 173-186 (based on my % body fat and the amount of lean tissue I have).
Is this a copout? Maybe a little bit. I'm just delaying the inevitable foray into maintenance. BUT I think this is a good idea. It sets me up to SUCCEED! I will NOT change my goal again to lower than 175--any lower and I start to look anorexic! But I do feel good about my decision.
It's funny, in the past couple of days I've actually had 2 people who, after commenting on my weight loss and learning that I want to lose 13 more pounds, said "WHERE are you going to find 13 more pounds to lose?" Ummm, in my right THIGH?!?! Seriously folks, I'm not thin by any means. I can certainly find 13 pounds to lose, probably more but I WILL stop there. I just kind of chuckled when they said that. I've also had a couple people say I look like I weigh about 150. I wish!!! But hey, if I LOOK like 150, and my ideal weight according to the charts (useless pieces of paper that they are) is 143, then I guess I look pretty darn good!
The other day at the gym, a woman came up to me and said, "I just wanted to tell you, you look great!" I thanked her, and tried desperately to think of who she was. I realized I had absolutely no idea--her face was totally unfamiliar to me. Maybe I looked confused, but she finally said, "I've been watching you shrink, and I just wanted to come and tell you how good you look". WOW! A total stranger who noticed! That's a new one for me. And at the same time, there are still people who look at me and say, "oh, have you lost weight?" Umm, HELLOOOOO? Yeah, just 98 POUNDS! I cannot imagine someone I know losing that much weight and me not noticing until the end. I guess some folks are just oblivious! Heck, even my FATHER noticed! And he is the least observant person I know!
So I've been debating what to do as a reward for reaching the 186 goal point. I was thinking at first that it had to be pretty spectacular, since I'd never reached my goal weight before. But since I've reset my goal, I decided it doesn't have to be such a big deal. Anyway, I've decided on a pair of Ugg boots. I'm hoping I can go with the short ones, but if they are too tight on my calves, I'll go with the mini ones, that are just ankle boots. I was looking at the skinny girls at my kids' school today wearing theirs, and I'm just not sure the taller ones will be big enough. Unfortunately, I may have to go to the mall to find out. And I NEVER go to the mall during Christmas shopping season! But I've got to try them on before I buy them, so it looks like I don't have much choice.
My mom told me tonite she heard that Talbots may go out of business! WHAT?!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not Talbots! My favorite place to buy clothes! I guess I have to go and buy lots of clothes there very soon so I can personally keep them in business! If only I needed clothes right now...
November 25, 2008 More Fit, Less Fat
Today I had my fitness assessment. It went very well. I really have come a long, long way!
We compared today's results with those from 3 months ago, and also from March. WOW
The results for today/ September/ March:
Weight 194/ 210/ 258
Neck 12.3/ 12.5/ 13.3
Chest 36.8/ 38.5/ 44
Waist 34/ 35/ 41.5
Hips 44.8/ 48.8/ 53.5
Bicep 12/13/15.25
Thigh 24.5/ 25/ 29.25
Calf 19/ 20.5/ 22
BMI 33.3/ 36/ 43.5
Bicep strength 68#/ 51/ 37
Flexibility 16.2"/ 15"/ ---
Body Fat %age 28.2/ 30.9/ 36.9
Looking at these measurements, I can see why all of a sudden my clothes stopped fitting me--1.75 inches in my chest, 2.25 in the waist and FOUR in the hips! That explains alot! Another really cool thing is that my Body Age (how I compare with others of the same age and sex) is down to 46 from 49 in September, and over 50 in March. (not bad considering my REAL age is 48!)
My BMR now is 1971 calories. My current food plan is 1400-1600, and i'm usually at the higher end of that range. Assuming my BMR doesn't change dramatically over the next 5 pounds lost, I should be able to eat 1800 calories without a problem in maintenance.
I made an appointment with the nutritionist to discuss food planning for maintenance. This is new territory for me, since I've never reached goal weight before, and never been on mainenance!
I have my annual physical in a couple of weeks. My doctor is going to LOVE these results! Hopefully my bloodwork will also be good. My cholesterol and triglycerides are always low, but some of the other levels have been abnormal. My blood pressure remains a nice, healthy 100/62. Gotta love it!
I'm SO glad I found SparkPeople and learned how to lose weight the HEALTHY way! Adding years to my life, and improving the quality of those years, has been a smart choice.
We compared today's results with those from 3 months ago, and also from March. WOW
The results for today/ September/ March:
Weight 194/ 210/ 258
Neck 12.3/ 12.5/ 13.3
Chest 36.8/ 38.5/ 44
Waist 34/ 35/ 41.5
Hips 44.8/ 48.8/ 53.5
Bicep 12/13/15.25
Thigh 24.5/ 25/ 29.25
Calf 19/ 20.5/ 22
BMI 33.3/ 36/ 43.5
Bicep strength 68#/ 51/ 37
Flexibility 16.2"/ 15"/ ---
Body Fat %age 28.2/ 30.9/ 36.9
Looking at these measurements, I can see why all of a sudden my clothes stopped fitting me--1.75 inches in my chest, 2.25 in the waist and FOUR in the hips! That explains alot! Another really cool thing is that my Body Age (how I compare with others of the same age and sex) is down to 46 from 49 in September, and over 50 in March. (not bad considering my REAL age is 48!)
My BMR now is 1971 calories. My current food plan is 1400-1600, and i'm usually at the higher end of that range. Assuming my BMR doesn't change dramatically over the next 5 pounds lost, I should be able to eat 1800 calories without a problem in maintenance.
I made an appointment with the nutritionist to discuss food planning for maintenance. This is new territory for me, since I've never reached goal weight before, and never been on mainenance!
I have my annual physical in a couple of weeks. My doctor is going to LOVE these results! Hopefully my bloodwork will also be good. My cholesterol and triglycerides are always low, but some of the other levels have been abnormal. My blood pressure remains a nice, healthy 100/62. Gotta love it!
I'm SO glad I found SparkPeople and learned how to lose weight the HEALTHY way! Adding years to my life, and improving the quality of those years, has been a smart choice.
November 22, 2008 My First 5K Walk
Today the kids and I did a 5K walk to raise money for Christmas for the kids along the Gulf Coast whose families lost everything in Hurricane Ike. It was supposed to be a one mile walk, but I decided that was pretty lame, and that we'd do the 5K.
This morning dawned bright and...COLD!!!! It was about 25 when I got up at 8, and by the time we headed out to walk, it had only gone up to about 28 or so. Brrrrrr!!! Plus, my knee had been bothering me since yesterday, and actually kept feeling like it was giving out on me. NOT a good thing when you're planning a long walk. I decided if we got half way and were just too cold or my knee was to sore, we'd just do half the walk. But I really really really wanted to do the whole thing.
We bundled up in many, many layers. I had on: silk long johns (bottoms), an UnderArmour top, an undershirt, 2 pairs of socks, a turtleneck, my heaviest jeans, my heaviest hooded sweatshirt, sneakers, a wool scarf, an ear warmer headband, a pair of fur lined gloves, a pair of warm mittens, and my hooded ski parka. All I could think of was the kid in the movie "A Christmas Story"!! The kids were similarly bundled up. We each had Chapstick on our lips, and a water bottle in our pocket.
My daughter insisted on leading the pre-walk stretching, which consisted of touching our toes! I was actually able to do it, even with all the layers! We headed out at 11:20 am. It seemed to take forever to get down the first 1/2 mile, but as we rounded the next corner, it suddenly seemed easier. (which was wierd since now the wind was AGAINST us!) My knee went out a couple of times, but quickly recovered, so we kept going. Before we knew it, we were at the half way mark! I decided we would go the distance. Surprisingly, I really wasn't cold at all, except for my nose.
As we walked, we encountered a lone runner a couple of times going the other direction. My daughter wondered why anyone would be out running on such a cold day. I said, "well, WE are out walking!" She said, "yeah, but we have a reason". Ya gotta love the logic of kids!
Midway through our second lap, we saw a neighbor outside and stopped to ask him to take our picture. I had my cell phone with me, which actually takes a decent photo. We all look like the Michelin Man!
After the photo stop, we continued up the block into our last turn. We could see home! We were almost there! The kids broke into a jog, but quickly backed off to wait for Mom. We arrived back at home at 12:50 pm. So 90 minutes to do 3.1 miles, including stops for water breaks and a photo op. Not too shabby.
As I congratulated the kids on a job well done, I started thinking. A year ago we went to Disney. I spent the entire trip on an electic scooter thingy, becuase I could not walk through the parks. Now, just one year later, I've lost 95 pounds AND done my first 5K Walk!!! What a difference a year makes!
Now that I've done it, I want to do it again. Really! I had already been thinking about the Avon Breast Cancer walk next October. Now I know, I CAN do it! So I WILL do it! I wonder if I can talk the kids into coming along???
This morning dawned bright and...COLD!!!! It was about 25 when I got up at 8, and by the time we headed out to walk, it had only gone up to about 28 or so. Brrrrrr!!! Plus, my knee had been bothering me since yesterday, and actually kept feeling like it was giving out on me. NOT a good thing when you're planning a long walk. I decided if we got half way and were just too cold or my knee was to sore, we'd just do half the walk. But I really really really wanted to do the whole thing.
We bundled up in many, many layers. I had on: silk long johns (bottoms), an UnderArmour top, an undershirt, 2 pairs of socks, a turtleneck, my heaviest jeans, my heaviest hooded sweatshirt, sneakers, a wool scarf, an ear warmer headband, a pair of fur lined gloves, a pair of warm mittens, and my hooded ski parka. All I could think of was the kid in the movie "A Christmas Story"!! The kids were similarly bundled up. We each had Chapstick on our lips, and a water bottle in our pocket.
My daughter insisted on leading the pre-walk stretching, which consisted of touching our toes! I was actually able to do it, even with all the layers! We headed out at 11:20 am. It seemed to take forever to get down the first 1/2 mile, but as we rounded the next corner, it suddenly seemed easier. (which was wierd since now the wind was AGAINST us!) My knee went out a couple of times, but quickly recovered, so we kept going. Before we knew it, we were at the half way mark! I decided we would go the distance. Surprisingly, I really wasn't cold at all, except for my nose.
As we walked, we encountered a lone runner a couple of times going the other direction. My daughter wondered why anyone would be out running on such a cold day. I said, "well, WE are out walking!" She said, "yeah, but we have a reason". Ya gotta love the logic of kids!
Midway through our second lap, we saw a neighbor outside and stopped to ask him to take our picture. I had my cell phone with me, which actually takes a decent photo. We all look like the Michelin Man!
After the photo stop, we continued up the block into our last turn. We could see home! We were almost there! The kids broke into a jog, but quickly backed off to wait for Mom. We arrived back at home at 12:50 pm. So 90 minutes to do 3.1 miles, including stops for water breaks and a photo op. Not too shabby.
As I congratulated the kids on a job well done, I started thinking. A year ago we went to Disney. I spent the entire trip on an electic scooter thingy, becuase I could not walk through the parks. Now, just one year later, I've lost 95 pounds AND done my first 5K Walk!!! What a difference a year makes!
Now that I've done it, I want to do it again. Really! I had already been thinking about the Avon Breast Cancer walk next October. Now I know, I CAN do it! So I WILL do it! I wonder if I can talk the kids into coming along???
November 11, 2008 Eating Healthy On The Run
I'm a mom. I have 2 kids. So it goes without saying that I have a busy life. Some days are busier than others. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a treadmill and can't stop! So how do I manage to eat healthy anyway?
The first secret is a great big upright freezer chest! I cook in bulk, and then freeze individual portions for later use. So if I need a quick meal, I just toss it in the microwave, defrost and heat, and voila! A healthy, delicious meal in a hurry!
Some of my favorites are Chicken Tortilla Soup, Veggie Sauce with Turkey and Ground Beef, Turkey Chili, Spinach Lasagna, and a variety of soups. (Monday is soup night at my house, and I freeze the portions we don't eat for dinner!) I've also made family size containers of the fillings for my Chicken Pot Pie and my Shepherds Pie. All I need to do is thaw the filling and a pie crust, or make some mashed potatoes, and I've got a great meal for the whole family.
Another thing I do is "go to" meals. These are meals I eat on a regular basis that I could make in my sleep. Tuna Salad made with yogurt and sour cream instead of mayo. Lentil soup with canned chicken added for extra protein. My almost every day breakfast of yogurt, cheerios, and blueberries all mixed together (try it, it's YUMMY!) I know the calorie and protein levels of these meals, so it's easy to plug them into my menu based on my needs. For instance, tonite we had pizza for dinner. High in calories and fat, not so high in protein. So I had tuna salad for lunch becuase it's basically just the opposite. Balances out all my levels so I'm within range and I don't have to think about it too much.
I plan my meals in advance for the week (well, dinners anyway) Like I said, Monday is always soup night. Tuesday we are running, so we get pizza. Wednesday the kids are with their father, so I can choose something from my stash in the freezer. The rest of the week I look at what activities we have going on, how much time I have for meal prep, and decide on a menu based on that. I have a few "quickie" recipes that really help when I'm pressed for time, like a quick cooking flavored risotto with some frozen shrimp thrown in. Add a salad and it's a quick and easy meal. By knowing ahead of time what I'm making for dinner all week, I can cut down on last minute trips to the grocery store.
Finally, I make sure that I ALWAYS have plenty of fresh fruits and veggies around to grab for a quick snack or add to a meal. And in case I'm really desperate, I keep V8 juice, and some dried fruit handy (I even keep some in my car!) That way, I'm never stuck with NOTHING to eat. I also know that if I'm in a bind, I can stop at a Wendy's and get a cup of their chili. Best fast food meal out there! Plenty of protein and fiber, moderate fat and calories, and it's really yummy too!
It may be a cliche that "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail", but this is one instance in which that statement is really true. It hasn't failed me yet!
The first secret is a great big upright freezer chest! I cook in bulk, and then freeze individual portions for later use. So if I need a quick meal, I just toss it in the microwave, defrost and heat, and voila! A healthy, delicious meal in a hurry!
Some of my favorites are Chicken Tortilla Soup, Veggie Sauce with Turkey and Ground Beef, Turkey Chili, Spinach Lasagna, and a variety of soups. (Monday is soup night at my house, and I freeze the portions we don't eat for dinner!) I've also made family size containers of the fillings for my Chicken Pot Pie and my Shepherds Pie. All I need to do is thaw the filling and a pie crust, or make some mashed potatoes, and I've got a great meal for the whole family.
Another thing I do is "go to" meals. These are meals I eat on a regular basis that I could make in my sleep. Tuna Salad made with yogurt and sour cream instead of mayo. Lentil soup with canned chicken added for extra protein. My almost every day breakfast of yogurt, cheerios, and blueberries all mixed together (try it, it's YUMMY!) I know the calorie and protein levels of these meals, so it's easy to plug them into my menu based on my needs. For instance, tonite we had pizza for dinner. High in calories and fat, not so high in protein. So I had tuna salad for lunch becuase it's basically just the opposite. Balances out all my levels so I'm within range and I don't have to think about it too much.
I plan my meals in advance for the week (well, dinners anyway) Like I said, Monday is always soup night. Tuesday we are running, so we get pizza. Wednesday the kids are with their father, so I can choose something from my stash in the freezer. The rest of the week I look at what activities we have going on, how much time I have for meal prep, and decide on a menu based on that. I have a few "quickie" recipes that really help when I'm pressed for time, like a quick cooking flavored risotto with some frozen shrimp thrown in. Add a salad and it's a quick and easy meal. By knowing ahead of time what I'm making for dinner all week, I can cut down on last minute trips to the grocery store.
Finally, I make sure that I ALWAYS have plenty of fresh fruits and veggies around to grab for a quick snack or add to a meal. And in case I'm really desperate, I keep V8 juice, and some dried fruit handy (I even keep some in my car!) That way, I'm never stuck with NOTHING to eat. I also know that if I'm in a bind, I can stop at a Wendy's and get a cup of their chili. Best fast food meal out there! Plenty of protein and fiber, moderate fat and calories, and it's really yummy too!
It may be a cliche that "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail", but this is one instance in which that statement is really true. It hasn't failed me yet!
November 10, 2008 "How Did You Do It?"
Lately ALOT of people have been commenting on my weight loss. Some are folks I haven't seen in ages, so obviously I look quite different. Some are people who have been watching me lose, have commented before, but are saying there's a big difference lately. And, strangely, a few who I see regularly seem to just now be noticing that there's something different about me. (Which makes me wonder, did they NOT notice the first 90 pounds?)
Anyway, regardless of which group they are in, nearly everyone has one common question. "How did you do it?"
Depending on the situation, I may give details, or I may just say something as simple as "diet and exercise". I've told alot of people about SparkPeople, and several have even joined. The amazing thing is, everyone seems so surprised to hear that I did it with diet and exercise. Some actually seem disappointed! What? No magic bullet? No miracle pill? No groundbreaking new diet?
Nope. Just eating healthy, nutritious, natural foods in reasonable quantities, and getting a daily dose of exercise. No gimmicks. No pills. No crazy fad diets. Just the sensible, tried and true, diet and exercise. (Well, yeah, and SparkPeople--maybe that's the magic bullet!)
Why is it such a surprise that I did it this way? Are we really so hung up on all the latest diet crazes and celebrity weight loss gimmicks that we can't believe it's possible to lose weight "the old fashioned way"?
I have an idea about that. People want an EASY fix. They want to do it fast--immediate gratification. They don't want to work for it. They don't want to wait for results. I know. I was one of them for a very long time. I could teach classes on nutrition with all I've learned over the years. I've lost (and regained) at least 1000 pounds in my life (really!) Somehow, the pounds always came back, and they brought friends too, leaving me heavier than ever. I wanted an easy way out.
I have finally learned that there is not a quick and easy way. But there IS a simple way. Eat a sensible, healthy, balanced diet. Get some exercise at least 5 days a week. Drink plenty of water and get enough sleep.
It's NOT a quick fix. But long term, it works. Why? Becuase it's not a diet, which by design is meant to end at some point, and then you're left with the rest of your life and the old "what do I do now that I'm not on a diet anymore" mentality. Nope, it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I heard this so many times over the years, but it never sunk in. I've always been so black and white. Either I'm ON a diet or I'm OFF a diet. Starving my self or stuffing myself. Maintenance? Ya got me, I've never done that! So why is this time different?
It's different because I haven't just broken the old bad habits. I've replaced them with a completely new way of living. I have days where I don't track my food for various reasons (vacation, odd food situations where there's just no way to log everything, special occasions, etc.) But on those days, instead of eating myself silly like I would have done in the past, I find I actually stick pretty close to my regular plan. A case in point is my vacation over the summer where I didn't log my food, just wrote everything down. When I had access to a computer and logged things in, I found I was in or very close to my range for calories, protein, and fiber, even without trying or realizing it! Why? Becuase this is just how I do things now!
No one told me "you can't have" trans fats, or high fructose corn syrup, or processed sugars, or preservatives, or artificial ingredients. I CHOSE to eliminate them. And I CHOOSE to continue to do so. Why? Because I honestly don't want to put that garbage in my body. No one tells me "you have to" go to the gym, go to the pool, go for a walk. I CHOOSE to do it. Why? Becuase it makes me feel good. It gives me energy. I actually enjoy it now. So it's not about what I "have to" eat, not eat, do, not do, but what I CHOOSE to eat, not eat, do, not do. It's not a program that's been imposed on me. It's a program that I have CHOSEN to do. I dont' have to be accountable to anyone other than myself.
See, it really IS simple! Which is good, becuase if something is too complicated it is unlikely to be any good in the long run. But simple works long term. Simple I can do. I can stick with it. And in doing so, it actually becomes easy.
Hmmm, maybe I've found the easy way after all...
Anyway, regardless of which group they are in, nearly everyone has one common question. "How did you do it?"
Depending on the situation, I may give details, or I may just say something as simple as "diet and exercise". I've told alot of people about SparkPeople, and several have even joined. The amazing thing is, everyone seems so surprised to hear that I did it with diet and exercise. Some actually seem disappointed! What? No magic bullet? No miracle pill? No groundbreaking new diet?
Nope. Just eating healthy, nutritious, natural foods in reasonable quantities, and getting a daily dose of exercise. No gimmicks. No pills. No crazy fad diets. Just the sensible, tried and true, diet and exercise. (Well, yeah, and SparkPeople--maybe that's the magic bullet!)
Why is it such a surprise that I did it this way? Are we really so hung up on all the latest diet crazes and celebrity weight loss gimmicks that we can't believe it's possible to lose weight "the old fashioned way"?
I have an idea about that. People want an EASY fix. They want to do it fast--immediate gratification. They don't want to work for it. They don't want to wait for results. I know. I was one of them for a very long time. I could teach classes on nutrition with all I've learned over the years. I've lost (and regained) at least 1000 pounds in my life (really!) Somehow, the pounds always came back, and they brought friends too, leaving me heavier than ever. I wanted an easy way out.
I have finally learned that there is not a quick and easy way. But there IS a simple way. Eat a sensible, healthy, balanced diet. Get some exercise at least 5 days a week. Drink plenty of water and get enough sleep.
It's NOT a quick fix. But long term, it works. Why? Becuase it's not a diet, which by design is meant to end at some point, and then you're left with the rest of your life and the old "what do I do now that I'm not on a diet anymore" mentality. Nope, it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I heard this so many times over the years, but it never sunk in. I've always been so black and white. Either I'm ON a diet or I'm OFF a diet. Starving my self or stuffing myself. Maintenance? Ya got me, I've never done that! So why is this time different?
It's different because I haven't just broken the old bad habits. I've replaced them with a completely new way of living. I have days where I don't track my food for various reasons (vacation, odd food situations where there's just no way to log everything, special occasions, etc.) But on those days, instead of eating myself silly like I would have done in the past, I find I actually stick pretty close to my regular plan. A case in point is my vacation over the summer where I didn't log my food, just wrote everything down. When I had access to a computer and logged things in, I found I was in or very close to my range for calories, protein, and fiber, even without trying or realizing it! Why? Becuase this is just how I do things now!
No one told me "you can't have" trans fats, or high fructose corn syrup, or processed sugars, or preservatives, or artificial ingredients. I CHOSE to eliminate them. And I CHOOSE to continue to do so. Why? Because I honestly don't want to put that garbage in my body. No one tells me "you have to" go to the gym, go to the pool, go for a walk. I CHOOSE to do it. Why? Becuase it makes me feel good. It gives me energy. I actually enjoy it now. So it's not about what I "have to" eat, not eat, do, not do, but what I CHOOSE to eat, not eat, do, not do. It's not a program that's been imposed on me. It's a program that I have CHOSEN to do. I dont' have to be accountable to anyone other than myself.
See, it really IS simple! Which is good, becuase if something is too complicated it is unlikely to be any good in the long run. But simple works long term. Simple I can do. I can stick with it. And in doing so, it actually becomes easy.
Hmmm, maybe I've found the easy way after all...
November 6, 2008 Wendy Goes To The Big City
Yesterday I got on the bus and went to New York City. I love New York and I haven't been in awhile, other than a quick trip in to see the orthopedist. So when my uncle and his girlfriend invited me to join them for a show, I said SURE!
Sadly, it turned out they were unable to go, so here I was with 3 tickets to "Jersey Boys". Well, my friend Barbara has been DYING to see the show, so I said "come with me!"
I arrived in the early afternoon, with suitcase in hand. (well, on wheels) I immediately started looking for a place for lunch, since it was past 1:00 and I was hungry. I checked my navigator on my cell phone (gotta love these nifty gadgets!) and it told me there was a Wendy's right on my way to the hotel. Cool! A known entity--Wendy's Chili. I found it--2 flights down in a subway station! Hmmmm, carrying a suitcase down those steps and back up again... Well, I decided the chili was worth the effort, so down I went. My suitcase was farily light, since it was only 1/2 full (more on that later). I enjoyed my lunch and then trudged back up the steps to the street.
It was a gloomy, grey day, but fortunately not raining yet, so I didn't have the hassle of the umbrella to deal with. A good thing, since I walked about 15 blocks. I got to the hotel, checked in, and went upstairs to drop off all my stuff. Then I headed back out for some adventure.
My first order of business was to see Ground Zero. In all the times I've been in the city since 9/11, I've never gotten down there, and I was determined that this was the time. I sure wish I'd done my homework. Since lower Manhattan was a long way from my hotel on 53rd street, I took a cab. The driver looked at me kind of funny when I told him where I wanted to go, but I figured maybe it was just a language barrier thing. I was wrong. We got down to where the towers stood. I recognized some of the landmarks from TV, so I knew we were in the right place. And what did I see? A construction site, blocked off on all sides by a tall fence. That's it? Yup, that's it. There was a place you could walk alongside the construction site, but as it had started to rain, it hardly seemed worth it to walk past a fence, not to mention the trouble of finding another cab to get back uptown!
So, where to next? I decided to start my shopping and headed for 34th Street, home of Macy's. I was looking for a couple of specific things, most importantly a white, fine gauge sweater. I looked at Gap. No luck. Daffy's. No luck. H&M. No luck. I figured, Macy's has EVERYTHING, so I went all through 5 floors of the world's largest department store. Nothing. I gave up.
Back out on the street, it was raining harder. And my umbrella? Back in my hotel room! I tried to get a taxi, and had no luck. But then a guy on a pedicab asked if I needed a ride. This is the coolest thing. A bicycle, and on the back is a little trailer with a seat, and a roof, and even a plastic covering to keep you dry! I figured, "why not?" and told him where I was going. It was about 20 blocks, and if it wasn't raining, or if I'd had my umbrella, I would have walked, but under the circumstances, I decided to ride. It was fun weaving around cars that weren't moving. I think we actually made better time than a taxi would have!
Back at the hotel, I fired up my mini-laptop and read email, caught up on Sparks, and did some web surfing, until it was time for dinner. I had checked on Mapquest and Yahoo to see what was nearby, and found nothing interesting. So I decided to stay close and try the restaurant in the hotel lobby. At least I'd stay warm and dry.
I ordered my favorite kind of salad--greens with slices of apples, walnuts and Stilton cheese, with a light viniagrette (on the side, naturally), and a seafood entree that sounded yummy. The waiter brought the bread basket, and I marveled at the huge quantity for just one person. I took a piece and buttered it, and it was good. And I was starving. So I took another piece. And it was good. and I was still hungry. So I took ANOTHER piece. And asked the waiter to please remove the bread basket from the table.
The salad was delicious. I used barely any dressing, since it really didn't need much. The seafood was so-so. The shrimps (3) were good, but the lobster was sort of gummy. The scallops looked gross, and there were 2 other kinds of mystery fish that I decided to leave on the plate. I asked the waiter to wrap the leftovers. I thought I might see a homeless person on the way to the theater, and then the food wouldn't go to waste.
I headed out to the theater to meet Barbara and her daughter, Amy. No homeless people, so I tossed the bag in a trash can. I sat in the theater lobby peoplewatching until the girls arrived. Up the steps we went to the theater to find our seats. I can remember so many times I've gone to a show and been so uncomfortable in the tiny theater seats. But these seats seemed quite roomy. Maybe they were bigger than others, maybe it's just that I'm so much smaller, but I was certainly comfortable. Except for the tall man who sat right in front of me, and leaned so far to the right to see around the tall man in front of HIM, that I was practically falling out of my seat trying to see the stage! Fortunately, Barbara pointed out that they had cushions you could sit on, so I asked the usher for one. It helped alot, and I was able to see pretty well.
I'd been in a pretty gloomy mood all day, but the music, the action, and just hanging out with Barbara and Amy, made me much cheerier. When the show ended, we walked back to the hotel. Barbara had gotten me a CD of the soundtrack as a thank you for inviting them. (Hey, the tickets were free--my uncle gave them to me!). We had a nice chat while we walked through the falling mist (not quite rain yet). They got a cab at the hotel and I went out in search of a snack. I was very happy to find a healthy grocery store just a block and a half from the hotel. I got a bag of granola (the same kind I have at home), 2 cups of greek yogurt with fruit, and some organic apples. By this time it was raining pretty hard, and the wind had picked up quite a bit, so I hurried back to the hotel.
I ate my nice snack, and put the rest away for breakfast (nice that the hotel provides a mini-bar, but it wasn't cold enough for the yogurt, so I filled the ice bucket and stuck it in there). I calculated my intake for the day and...uh oh. I was over by 327 calories! YIKES! And WAY high on fat. Well, there was nothing I could do at that point, I'd already eaten!
I didn't feel tired, but a little after midnight I went to bed. It took a long time to fall asleep. I woke up once to use the bathroom and was afraid I would be unable to go back to sleep, but I did. When I woke up, it was 9:28!!! I can't remember when I last slept that late! I got up and dressed and ate breakfast, packed up my few thngs, and checked out. I was able to check my bag at the bell desk so I didn't have to lug it around with me.
Then it was time for the highlight of my trip--Talbots!! I walked the 2 long blocks and one short one to the 4 story building, carrying just my umbrella. It was drizzling, but not too hard. This was the first time I've been there that I wasn't limited to just the one floor of Women's sizes. Today I had 3 entire floors to choose from!
I still had no success in my quest for a white sweater, but I hit pay dirt on all other fronts. They were having a store-wide sale--buy one, get one half price. Woohoo! I just LOVE saving money! I left 2 hours later with 4 pair of much needed pants, and 5 equally necessary tops. And the most exciting part was the sizes. A Misses size 16 blouse, and a pair of size 14 Womens Petite pants!! WOW! I haven't been a 14 since 1992! The other pants were cut slimmer in the leg, so I had to go with a 16, but the waists would have been better in a 14. Oh well...
The rain had picked up a bit, but I walked back anyway, since it was so close. I stopped on the way and went into the Gap, becuase I needed a nicer black top to go with the size 14 pants (I have a Memorial service to go to on Saturday). I found 4 and tried them all on. They were all nice, but I chose the last one, which seemed to classiest. The XL was too big, so I got a Large! WooHoo!!!
I collected my suitcase from the hotel, and fortunately everything fit inside. (Remember, it was only half full on the trip up!) I was quite warm, so I took off my coat and put it in the shopping bag, and hooked that on top of the suitcasee. The rain had stopped, so I didn't need my umbrella as I started back towards the bus station. I knew I didn't want to deal with steps again, but I really wanted to do lunch at Wendy's again since I knew it was a healthy choice (gotta love that chili!) I checked and found one only about 2 blocks out of the way, so I went there. No steps!! I had my lunch, and headed south. Only 12 blocks this time, and no rain!
I just missed the 1:20 bus, so I had to wait for the 1:50. The ride passed quickly as I read my book, and before I knew it, we were back in Freehold. I got off the bus and headed for my car, and noticed that my legs hurt. Alot! I guess it was all that walking.
So now I'm back home. I had a nice healthy dinner, and my calories are in the lower end of the range, so that offsets at least half of yesterday's excess. And I have a new "Master Card Commercial":
Bus trip to the big city: $11.75
Dinner at a swanky restaurant: $50
Tickets to 'Jersey Boys' on Broadway: $117 (paid for by my nice uncle!)
A pair of size 14 pants: PRICELESS!
Sadly, it turned out they were unable to go, so here I was with 3 tickets to "Jersey Boys". Well, my friend Barbara has been DYING to see the show, so I said "come with me!"
I arrived in the early afternoon, with suitcase in hand. (well, on wheels) I immediately started looking for a place for lunch, since it was past 1:00 and I was hungry. I checked my navigator on my cell phone (gotta love these nifty gadgets!) and it told me there was a Wendy's right on my way to the hotel. Cool! A known entity--Wendy's Chili. I found it--2 flights down in a subway station! Hmmmm, carrying a suitcase down those steps and back up again... Well, I decided the chili was worth the effort, so down I went. My suitcase was farily light, since it was only 1/2 full (more on that later). I enjoyed my lunch and then trudged back up the steps to the street.
It was a gloomy, grey day, but fortunately not raining yet, so I didn't have the hassle of the umbrella to deal with. A good thing, since I walked about 15 blocks. I got to the hotel, checked in, and went upstairs to drop off all my stuff. Then I headed back out for some adventure.
My first order of business was to see Ground Zero. In all the times I've been in the city since 9/11, I've never gotten down there, and I was determined that this was the time. I sure wish I'd done my homework. Since lower Manhattan was a long way from my hotel on 53rd street, I took a cab. The driver looked at me kind of funny when I told him where I wanted to go, but I figured maybe it was just a language barrier thing. I was wrong. We got down to where the towers stood. I recognized some of the landmarks from TV, so I knew we were in the right place. And what did I see? A construction site, blocked off on all sides by a tall fence. That's it? Yup, that's it. There was a place you could walk alongside the construction site, but as it had started to rain, it hardly seemed worth it to walk past a fence, not to mention the trouble of finding another cab to get back uptown!
So, where to next? I decided to start my shopping and headed for 34th Street, home of Macy's. I was looking for a couple of specific things, most importantly a white, fine gauge sweater. I looked at Gap. No luck. Daffy's. No luck. H&M. No luck. I figured, Macy's has EVERYTHING, so I went all through 5 floors of the world's largest department store. Nothing. I gave up.
Back out on the street, it was raining harder. And my umbrella? Back in my hotel room! I tried to get a taxi, and had no luck. But then a guy on a pedicab asked if I needed a ride. This is the coolest thing. A bicycle, and on the back is a little trailer with a seat, and a roof, and even a plastic covering to keep you dry! I figured, "why not?" and told him where I was going. It was about 20 blocks, and if it wasn't raining, or if I'd had my umbrella, I would have walked, but under the circumstances, I decided to ride. It was fun weaving around cars that weren't moving. I think we actually made better time than a taxi would have!
Back at the hotel, I fired up my mini-laptop and read email, caught up on Sparks, and did some web surfing, until it was time for dinner. I had checked on Mapquest and Yahoo to see what was nearby, and found nothing interesting. So I decided to stay close and try the restaurant in the hotel lobby. At least I'd stay warm and dry.
I ordered my favorite kind of salad--greens with slices of apples, walnuts and Stilton cheese, with a light viniagrette (on the side, naturally), and a seafood entree that sounded yummy. The waiter brought the bread basket, and I marveled at the huge quantity for just one person. I took a piece and buttered it, and it was good. And I was starving. So I took another piece. And it was good. and I was still hungry. So I took ANOTHER piece. And asked the waiter to please remove the bread basket from the table.
The salad was delicious. I used barely any dressing, since it really didn't need much. The seafood was so-so. The shrimps (3) were good, but the lobster was sort of gummy. The scallops looked gross, and there were 2 other kinds of mystery fish that I decided to leave on the plate. I asked the waiter to wrap the leftovers. I thought I might see a homeless person on the way to the theater, and then the food wouldn't go to waste.
I headed out to the theater to meet Barbara and her daughter, Amy. No homeless people, so I tossed the bag in a trash can. I sat in the theater lobby peoplewatching until the girls arrived. Up the steps we went to the theater to find our seats. I can remember so many times I've gone to a show and been so uncomfortable in the tiny theater seats. But these seats seemed quite roomy. Maybe they were bigger than others, maybe it's just that I'm so much smaller, but I was certainly comfortable. Except for the tall man who sat right in front of me, and leaned so far to the right to see around the tall man in front of HIM, that I was practically falling out of my seat trying to see the stage! Fortunately, Barbara pointed out that they had cushions you could sit on, so I asked the usher for one. It helped alot, and I was able to see pretty well.
I'd been in a pretty gloomy mood all day, but the music, the action, and just hanging out with Barbara and Amy, made me much cheerier. When the show ended, we walked back to the hotel. Barbara had gotten me a CD of the soundtrack as a thank you for inviting them. (Hey, the tickets were free--my uncle gave them to me!). We had a nice chat while we walked through the falling mist (not quite rain yet). They got a cab at the hotel and I went out in search of a snack. I was very happy to find a healthy grocery store just a block and a half from the hotel. I got a bag of granola (the same kind I have at home), 2 cups of greek yogurt with fruit, and some organic apples. By this time it was raining pretty hard, and the wind had picked up quite a bit, so I hurried back to the hotel.
I ate my nice snack, and put the rest away for breakfast (nice that the hotel provides a mini-bar, but it wasn't cold enough for the yogurt, so I filled the ice bucket and stuck it in there). I calculated my intake for the day and...uh oh. I was over by 327 calories! YIKES! And WAY high on fat. Well, there was nothing I could do at that point, I'd already eaten!
I didn't feel tired, but a little after midnight I went to bed. It took a long time to fall asleep. I woke up once to use the bathroom and was afraid I would be unable to go back to sleep, but I did. When I woke up, it was 9:28!!! I can't remember when I last slept that late! I got up and dressed and ate breakfast, packed up my few thngs, and checked out. I was able to check my bag at the bell desk so I didn't have to lug it around with me.
Then it was time for the highlight of my trip--Talbots!! I walked the 2 long blocks and one short one to the 4 story building, carrying just my umbrella. It was drizzling, but not too hard. This was the first time I've been there that I wasn't limited to just the one floor of Women's sizes. Today I had 3 entire floors to choose from!
I still had no success in my quest for a white sweater, but I hit pay dirt on all other fronts. They were having a store-wide sale--buy one, get one half price. Woohoo! I just LOVE saving money! I left 2 hours later with 4 pair of much needed pants, and 5 equally necessary tops. And the most exciting part was the sizes. A Misses size 16 blouse, and a pair of size 14 Womens Petite pants!! WOW! I haven't been a 14 since 1992! The other pants were cut slimmer in the leg, so I had to go with a 16, but the waists would have been better in a 14. Oh well...
The rain had picked up a bit, but I walked back anyway, since it was so close. I stopped on the way and went into the Gap, becuase I needed a nicer black top to go with the size 14 pants (I have a Memorial service to go to on Saturday). I found 4 and tried them all on. They were all nice, but I chose the last one, which seemed to classiest. The XL was too big, so I got a Large! WooHoo!!!
I collected my suitcase from the hotel, and fortunately everything fit inside. (Remember, it was only half full on the trip up!) I was quite warm, so I took off my coat and put it in the shopping bag, and hooked that on top of the suitcasee. The rain had stopped, so I didn't need my umbrella as I started back towards the bus station. I knew I didn't want to deal with steps again, but I really wanted to do lunch at Wendy's again since I knew it was a healthy choice (gotta love that chili!) I checked and found one only about 2 blocks out of the way, so I went there. No steps!! I had my lunch, and headed south. Only 12 blocks this time, and no rain!
I just missed the 1:20 bus, so I had to wait for the 1:50. The ride passed quickly as I read my book, and before I knew it, we were back in Freehold. I got off the bus and headed for my car, and noticed that my legs hurt. Alot! I guess it was all that walking.
So now I'm back home. I had a nice healthy dinner, and my calories are in the lower end of the range, so that offsets at least half of yesterday's excess. And I have a new "Master Card Commercial":
Bus trip to the big city: $11.75
Dinner at a swanky restaurant: $50
Tickets to 'Jersey Boys' on Broadway: $117 (paid for by my nice uncle!)
A pair of size 14 pants: PRICELESS!
November 4, 2008 A Thought Provoking Question
Today I went to see my OB/GYN for my annual exam. (Not my favorite thing to do, but hey, ya gotta go!) I filled out a stack of forms—insurance, update address, etc. And then came a page of sort of general health questions.
It was the first question that got me. “Are you happy with your current weight?”
And I had to actually THINK about it. AM I happy at 193? If someone told me this is as good as it gets, I won’t lose any more, would I be OK with that? I’m 7 pounds from my goal weight of 186. I’ve lost 93 pounds in the past year, 293 since 2001. But what if this was all there was?
Filling out the forms quickly, I checked ‘yes’ and wrote “almost!” next to it.
But was that really my true answer? Am I happy or not? Why did I feel the need to qualify my answer with an “almost”?
So I’ve been thinking about that question for the past hour. And I realized something. I AM happy with my current weight. Sure, I’d like to “finish the job” and get to 186. But if that never happens, I’ll be OK with it. I figure, when I set out on this journey, I set out to lose 76 pounds, not 100. My goal weight was 210. I reached that goal a few months ago, and changed it to 186. I really hope I reach that goal, and I really believe I will. But if my body decides to hang around at 193? I’ll still be happy. I’m still in the best health of my entire life. I still look SO much better than I have in at least 16 years. I can still wear Misses’ size clothes. I am comfortable in my own skin. And really, that 186 is just a number on a scale. It doesn’t define success. Success is all the things I’ve achieved already, even with 7 pounds left to lose. There’s not a timetable on this last 7 pounds. Sure, I’d like to do it by the end of the year, but if it takes longer, it takes longer. My body is pretty much in charge now.
The doctor was called out on an emergency, so I have to go back to see him in 2 weeks. If I get to fill out that form again, I know what I will say. I will answer YES, without qualification. Because I AM happy with my current weight
It was the first question that got me. “Are you happy with your current weight?”
And I had to actually THINK about it. AM I happy at 193? If someone told me this is as good as it gets, I won’t lose any more, would I be OK with that? I’m 7 pounds from my goal weight of 186. I’ve lost 93 pounds in the past year, 293 since 2001. But what if this was all there was?
Filling out the forms quickly, I checked ‘yes’ and wrote “almost!” next to it.
But was that really my true answer? Am I happy or not? Why did I feel the need to qualify my answer with an “almost”?
So I’ve been thinking about that question for the past hour. And I realized something. I AM happy with my current weight. Sure, I’d like to “finish the job” and get to 186. But if that never happens, I’ll be OK with it. I figure, when I set out on this journey, I set out to lose 76 pounds, not 100. My goal weight was 210. I reached that goal a few months ago, and changed it to 186. I really hope I reach that goal, and I really believe I will. But if my body decides to hang around at 193? I’ll still be happy. I’m still in the best health of my entire life. I still look SO much better than I have in at least 16 years. I can still wear Misses’ size clothes. I am comfortable in my own skin. And really, that 186 is just a number on a scale. It doesn’t define success. Success is all the things I’ve achieved already, even with 7 pounds left to lose. There’s not a timetable on this last 7 pounds. Sure, I’d like to do it by the end of the year, but if it takes longer, it takes longer. My body is pretty much in charge now.
The doctor was called out on an emergency, so I have to go back to see him in 2 weeks. If I get to fill out that form again, I know what I will say. I will answer YES, without qualification. Because I AM happy with my current weight
October 25, 2008 Not The Blog I Originally Wrote
So I had this GREAT blog written about how today I took pizza to the guys who are renovating a house for a soldier who lost both legs in Iraq. All about sacrifice, honor, and what's really important. And I hit the wrong button and lost the whole darn thing. I can't recreate it--it was really good! So I won't even try.
But I still have my own inconsequential (relatively speaking) life, and so here's a story of what happened later today...
I went to pick up my kids from their father's tonite, as we were going to see a play. His family was visiting. His parents, brother and nephew, aunt, 2 cousins and their husbands. Most of these folks I haven't seen since the divorce--about 170 pounds ago!
Well, they didnt' recognize me! The couldn't get over the change in me, they were so amazed. They all gushed about how great I looked. It was a nice ego boost.
And it made me remember something I came up with a few years ago. Remember the Master Card commercials? Well, here's my version:
Gastric Bypass Surgery $50,000
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery $25,000
New Wardrobe $5000
Catching your ex-husband "checking you out" PRICELESS!!!
(The really cool thing about that is that after seeing how well I did, HE went and had the surgery too! But I think I weigh less than he does. Teehee!! Haven't done that since we were first dating!)
So I'm 11.4 pounds from goal. I think I can do it by the end of the year. I hope so, but if not, it's ok. I feel great. I look pretty good too. Someone told me the other day I look like a teenager. LOL, I don't THINK so! But I'm happy with how I look, even if sometimes I don't recognize myself. (Hey! Who's that woman in the mirror?? Ooops! It's me!)
But I still have my own inconsequential (relatively speaking) life, and so here's a story of what happened later today...
I went to pick up my kids from their father's tonite, as we were going to see a play. His family was visiting. His parents, brother and nephew, aunt, 2 cousins and their husbands. Most of these folks I haven't seen since the divorce--about 170 pounds ago!
Well, they didnt' recognize me! The couldn't get over the change in me, they were so amazed. They all gushed about how great I looked. It was a nice ego boost.
And it made me remember something I came up with a few years ago. Remember the Master Card commercials? Well, here's my version:
Gastric Bypass Surgery $50,000
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery $25,000
New Wardrobe $5000
Catching your ex-husband "checking you out" PRICELESS!!!
(The really cool thing about that is that after seeing how well I did, HE went and had the surgery too! But I think I weigh less than he does. Teehee!! Haven't done that since we were first dating!)
So I'm 11.4 pounds from goal. I think I can do it by the end of the year. I hope so, but if not, it's ok. I feel great. I look pretty good too. Someone told me the other day I look like a teenager. LOL, I don't THINK so! But I'm happy with how I look, even if sometimes I don't recognize myself. (Hey! Who's that woman in the mirror?? Ooops! It's me!)
October 17, 2008 ONEderland!!!!
I did it!!!!!!
This morning, 2 days before my birthday, I stepped on the scale and saw 199.2 looking back at me! This has been my goal for a long time, and I reached it! I am so happy I could just spit!
After my pool class this morning, I went to the jewelers to pick up my ring. It is beautiful! The diamonds just shimmer in the sunlight. I keep looking at it, thinking of what it symbolizes. Sure, the 3 stones represent me and my kids, but the meaning behind the ring is so much deeper.
I set out nearly a year ago to lose some weight and get healthy. I took a sabbatical from my job to focus on ME. I committed to working out, eating right, and doing whatever it took to reach my goal of 210 pounds. And I was going along very nicely with that, until my orthopedist said he'd like me under 200 for my knee replacement in January 2009. Ok, if I can do 210, I can do 200, right?
But that got me thinking, and I decided I wanted to weigh less than my Dad, who is currently the lightest one in the family, at 188. So I chose 186 as my goal. Why 186? Because 1) it's less than Dad, 2) it represents 100 pounds lost since last November when I decided to do something about my weight, and 3) it represents 300 pounds total loss since my gastric bypass in 2001.
So here I am, 13 pounds from that goal. Not much, but probably the hardest 13 pounds I'll ever lose! I hope to do it by New Years, but if not, it's ok. I will simply do my best and accept what my body decides. THIS, ONEderland by my birthday, was the goal that was so important to me.
When I went to the gym, I saw my trainer. I told her and she jumped up and down and hugged me. It felt good to know she was so excited! I texted my BFF, and got a very enthusiastic response from her too. I told my Mom, and she said how proud she is of me. I've had several comments on my SparkPage, and gotten some SparkGoodies, from my SparkFriends who are celebrating right along with me. It feels so good to know that others are supporting me in this, and are happy for my success. But I guess what matters most is how I feel about all of this.
Well, as my Grandpa used to say, "if I was any happier, I'd be twins!" That about sums it up. I'm walking around today, looking at my beautiful ring, and smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary. Only it wasn't a canary I swallowed, it was lots of good, healthy, nutritious food, and lots and lots of WATER!
Why did it work this time? After all the times I've set out to lose weight, why was this time different? I think there were several factors. First, I didn't decide to "go on a diet". I decided to GET HEALTHY. That didn't just mean a change in eating habits, it meant a change in LIFESTYLE. A totally different mindset.
Second, as I've mentioned before, my dear sister talked me into going with her to Canyon Ranch in January. It was a lifechanging experience. Because of it, I gave up dairy and wheat for 3 months, and continue to limit them. And I've not had any egg since then (except the time I ate Carvel soft vanilla and didn't realize there was egg yolk in there!) I've been eating healthy, organic, natural, unprocessed foods. No artifical ANYTHING! And eliminating eggs has eliminated most baked goods, making it that much easier to stay away from them!
Third, for some bizzare reason, I've developed a LOVE for exercise! I was a devout couch potato. I hated exercise. Sure, I'd done some before, a bare minimum, but never committed. Now, I'm at the gym and/or pool 6 days a week! And if I miss a class, I feel like something isn't right.
Fourth, I really, truly, completely did this for ME. Not for my family, my friends, or anyone else. Just for ME. Becuase I wanted to be healthy. For ME.
Finally, and this is actually the #1 reason why I believe this worked, is that _I_ did not do this! I can't claim the credit. Sure, I did the legwork (pardon the pun), but when I started, I sat down and had a talk with God. I told Him, "I can't do this. I've tried so many times and failed. This time, I'm giving it to YOU." And He did it! He has given me the desires of my heart! I could not have done this on my own strength and power. But I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me! So I give HIM the glory. (altho I am sort of basking in that glory just a teeeny bit myself!)
I am blessed. I am healthy. I am happy. I am in ONEderland.
It just doesn't get any better than this!!
This morning, 2 days before my birthday, I stepped on the scale and saw 199.2 looking back at me! This has been my goal for a long time, and I reached it! I am so happy I could just spit!
After my pool class this morning, I went to the jewelers to pick up my ring. It is beautiful! The diamonds just shimmer in the sunlight. I keep looking at it, thinking of what it symbolizes. Sure, the 3 stones represent me and my kids, but the meaning behind the ring is so much deeper.
I set out nearly a year ago to lose some weight and get healthy. I took a sabbatical from my job to focus on ME. I committed to working out, eating right, and doing whatever it took to reach my goal of 210 pounds. And I was going along very nicely with that, until my orthopedist said he'd like me under 200 for my knee replacement in January 2009. Ok, if I can do 210, I can do 200, right?
But that got me thinking, and I decided I wanted to weigh less than my Dad, who is currently the lightest one in the family, at 188. So I chose 186 as my goal. Why 186? Because 1) it's less than Dad, 2) it represents 100 pounds lost since last November when I decided to do something about my weight, and 3) it represents 300 pounds total loss since my gastric bypass in 2001.
So here I am, 13 pounds from that goal. Not much, but probably the hardest 13 pounds I'll ever lose! I hope to do it by New Years, but if not, it's ok. I will simply do my best and accept what my body decides. THIS, ONEderland by my birthday, was the goal that was so important to me.
When I went to the gym, I saw my trainer. I told her and she jumped up and down and hugged me. It felt good to know she was so excited! I texted my BFF, and got a very enthusiastic response from her too. I told my Mom, and she said how proud she is of me. I've had several comments on my SparkPage, and gotten some SparkGoodies, from my SparkFriends who are celebrating right along with me. It feels so good to know that others are supporting me in this, and are happy for my success. But I guess what matters most is how I feel about all of this.
Well, as my Grandpa used to say, "if I was any happier, I'd be twins!" That about sums it up. I'm walking around today, looking at my beautiful ring, and smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary. Only it wasn't a canary I swallowed, it was lots of good, healthy, nutritious food, and lots and lots of WATER!
Why did it work this time? After all the times I've set out to lose weight, why was this time different? I think there were several factors. First, I didn't decide to "go on a diet". I decided to GET HEALTHY. That didn't just mean a change in eating habits, it meant a change in LIFESTYLE. A totally different mindset.
Second, as I've mentioned before, my dear sister talked me into going with her to Canyon Ranch in January. It was a lifechanging experience. Because of it, I gave up dairy and wheat for 3 months, and continue to limit them. And I've not had any egg since then (except the time I ate Carvel soft vanilla and didn't realize there was egg yolk in there!) I've been eating healthy, organic, natural, unprocessed foods. No artifical ANYTHING! And eliminating eggs has eliminated most baked goods, making it that much easier to stay away from them!
Third, for some bizzare reason, I've developed a LOVE for exercise! I was a devout couch potato. I hated exercise. Sure, I'd done some before, a bare minimum, but never committed. Now, I'm at the gym and/or pool 6 days a week! And if I miss a class, I feel like something isn't right.
Fourth, I really, truly, completely did this for ME. Not for my family, my friends, or anyone else. Just for ME. Becuase I wanted to be healthy. For ME.
Finally, and this is actually the #1 reason why I believe this worked, is that _I_ did not do this! I can't claim the credit. Sure, I did the legwork (pardon the pun), but when I started, I sat down and had a talk with God. I told Him, "I can't do this. I've tried so many times and failed. This time, I'm giving it to YOU." And He did it! He has given me the desires of my heart! I could not have done this on my own strength and power. But I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me! So I give HIM the glory. (altho I am sort of basking in that glory just a teeeny bit myself!)
I am blessed. I am healthy. I am happy. I am in ONEderland.
It just doesn't get any better than this!!
October 8, 2008 Looking Back
Someone on another site where I also post my blog made an interesting comment about thinking when she met her WW goals, her life would be so much better, and she'd be so happy. It got me to thinking about MY past experience with this sort of thinking.
Years ago, when I lost a ton of weight on Optifast, I got down to 167 (for about 30 minutes.) I honestly believed that when I lost weight, my life would be perfect, or at least close. Guys would be lined up at the door, I'd have tons of great friends, everything would go the way I wanted it to. This was the story I'd heard all my life! I could have it ALL, if I just lost weight.
Imagine how I felt when I realized I'd been lied to by the people I trusted most in the world (parents, grandparents, etc). I was devestated. I felt totally betrayed. And on top of that, I was MISERABLE! I was so afraid to regain the weight that I became anorexic for awhile, and then bulemic. Actually ended up in rehab for eating disorders for 6 weeks! After that was when I got down to 167. I was in a major depression, the worst I've ever experienced. I spent 4 weeks hospitalized for depression--when I went in I was like a zombie, I couldn't function. I couldn't choose clothes to wear, what to eat, nothing. They changed my antidepressant and over time it got better. I gained 40 pounds in there!
When I came out was when I met my then future husband (now the ex). I was at a VERY vulnerable place emotionally, so my defenses were way down, or I'd probably not have given him a second glance. The rest, as they say, is history.
This time around, I'm not losing weight for anyone except ME. I know it will not make everything in my life perfect. It certainly won't make my kids behave any better!! The thing is, I FEEL better! WAY better! And that alone makes me happier. And more confident. My life still isn't perfect, but I wouldn't trade lives with anyone else!!
Years ago, when I lost a ton of weight on Optifast, I got down to 167 (for about 30 minutes.) I honestly believed that when I lost weight, my life would be perfect, or at least close. Guys would be lined up at the door, I'd have tons of great friends, everything would go the way I wanted it to. This was the story I'd heard all my life! I could have it ALL, if I just lost weight.
Imagine how I felt when I realized I'd been lied to by the people I trusted most in the world (parents, grandparents, etc). I was devestated. I felt totally betrayed. And on top of that, I was MISERABLE! I was so afraid to regain the weight that I became anorexic for awhile, and then bulemic. Actually ended up in rehab for eating disorders for 6 weeks! After that was when I got down to 167. I was in a major depression, the worst I've ever experienced. I spent 4 weeks hospitalized for depression--when I went in I was like a zombie, I couldn't function. I couldn't choose clothes to wear, what to eat, nothing. They changed my antidepressant and over time it got better. I gained 40 pounds in there!
When I came out was when I met my then future husband (now the ex). I was at a VERY vulnerable place emotionally, so my defenses were way down, or I'd probably not have given him a second glance. The rest, as they say, is history.
This time around, I'm not losing weight for anyone except ME. I know it will not make everything in my life perfect. It certainly won't make my kids behave any better!! The thing is, I FEEL better! WAY better! And that alone makes me happier. And more confident. My life still isn't perfect, but I wouldn't trade lives with anyone else!!
October 5, 2008 My Epiphany
OH MY GOSH!!! I just had a total "come to Jesus" moment! An epiphany. An "a-HA!" thing.
I blogged yesterday about the evil saltine cracker dessert. Well, today started out well enough, ate a proper breakfast, had Wendy's chili for lunch on the way to pick apples. Picked 83 pounds of apples and dragged them up to the scales to weigh and pay. Now THAT was some serious exercise!
I came home, did my usual stuff, and was fine. I had a bowl of fruit salad. A few hours later, I was preparing to go to a conference at church, which would go through dinner time, so I had some more fruit salad to hold me over. All this was planned and logged.
For some reason, something snapped then. I ended up havng two "Sandwich Thins" which are like rolls only very thin, like thin sliced bread. One with butter, the other with strawberry cream cheese. Why? Because I was wanting the bread! OK, so I'm thinking, PMS. Makes sense, craving carbs.
Off to the conference, and at the break, there's fruits, veggies, chips, pastries, some other stuff. Last week I had some fruit and veggies. This week I had some fruit (which was extra because I did NOT plan for or log it) and then decided to have some chips. Just one bag of plain SunChips, 210 calories, but again, NOT planned or logged.
When I got home, I heated up my dinner. But instead of 2 T of cheese on my tortilla soup, I had closer to 1/2 CUP. And I didnt' measure out my tortilla chips, I just spread them on a plate (more than the 15 I had planned), and covered them with MORE cheese to make "nachos". AND I ate a few bites of my son's pizza.
WHY DID I DO THIS???????????????????
And then, as I sit down at my computer, it hit me. The REAL reason why I am doing this, which probably has NOTHING to do with PMS.
I am afraid of succeeding. I am 2.5 pounds away from ONEDERLAND. And I'm scared to death that I'm actually going to get there. And soon.
Why on earth should I be afraid of something that I want so badly? Something that is good for me? Something I've been working REALLY hard for?
Because if I get there, if I'm "thin", then I lose who I have been most of my life. The fat girl. Those layers of fat did alot more than keep me warm in the winter. They kept people at arms length. No one got close to me. No one. Not my family. Not my friends. Not even my husband. (hmmmm, wonder why he's my ex now??) If no one got close, no one could hurt me. So while I craved love, was desperate to be loved and accepted, would do anything, become anyone, if someone would only love me--I was pushing away anyone and anything who might actually do just that.
Now, I am NOT saying that no one loves me. Plenty of people do. These brave, hardy souls have managed to push through the barriers I put up around me, and get in close enough to love me. And some of them I have allowed to do that, but not many. The risk was too great. If I let you in, you can know me, and in knowing me, you will know how horrible I am. Becuase I am, you know. I am the worst person the world has every seen. At least, that's what I thought of myself. For a long, long time, that's really what I believed!
By God's grace, I know that I am a valuable and worthy person. Far from perfect, but I have alot to offer. As my BFF would say, I'm quite a catch! But to let people close to me is to risk letting them hurt me. And that's scary stuff. It's easier to keep everyone at arm's length, and not take the risk.
Thats' sort of the beauty of the internet. I have online friends who only see what I let them see. it's safe. it's comfortable. It's also very fulfilling! Without all my inhibitions, I can be who I really am--funny, caring, friendly, crazy ME! And my weight doesn't matter here, not a bit.
But in the real world? Expectations of fat people are just different. I've always known what was expected of me. Now I'm not so sure anymore. What role will I need to play? Who will I need to be? Of course, the answer is: I need to be ME! I do NOT have to play a role, I just have to be myself. but that means taking that risk. what if who I am isn't good enough? what if I'm not acceptable?
I WANT to take that risk! I WANT to be who I am, and let people see the real me. I really do WANT to! I'm just a little (ok, a LOT) scared about exactly how to go about doing it, without losing myself in the process. Maybe I'm putting the brakes on a little, holding off on that whole ONEderland thing. Heck, maybe it's just an excuse for eating too much of the wrong things. I don't know, really.
OK, this is all getting a little deep and philisophical, so I am just going to stop. And think. ALOT. About where I'm going and what exactly I'm going to do when I get there. And I WILL get there. Maybe not this week, but soon. Sooner than I may feel ready. But deep inside, I AM ready. Ready to face the world and let my light shine. Ready to be who I AM, NOT who someone else thinks I should be.
I am Wendy. I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend. I am funny, kind, friendly, sensitive, generous, silly, smart, brave, strong, successful, interesting, honest, sincere, and I AM good enough. I AM ENOUGH!
I blogged yesterday about the evil saltine cracker dessert. Well, today started out well enough, ate a proper breakfast, had Wendy's chili for lunch on the way to pick apples. Picked 83 pounds of apples and dragged them up to the scales to weigh and pay. Now THAT was some serious exercise!
I came home, did my usual stuff, and was fine. I had a bowl of fruit salad. A few hours later, I was preparing to go to a conference at church, which would go through dinner time, so I had some more fruit salad to hold me over. All this was planned and logged.
For some reason, something snapped then. I ended up havng two "Sandwich Thins" which are like rolls only very thin, like thin sliced bread. One with butter, the other with strawberry cream cheese. Why? Because I was wanting the bread! OK, so I'm thinking, PMS. Makes sense, craving carbs.
Off to the conference, and at the break, there's fruits, veggies, chips, pastries, some other stuff. Last week I had some fruit and veggies. This week I had some fruit (which was extra because I did NOT plan for or log it) and then decided to have some chips. Just one bag of plain SunChips, 210 calories, but again, NOT planned or logged.
When I got home, I heated up my dinner. But instead of 2 T of cheese on my tortilla soup, I had closer to 1/2 CUP. And I didnt' measure out my tortilla chips, I just spread them on a plate (more than the 15 I had planned), and covered them with MORE cheese to make "nachos". AND I ate a few bites of my son's pizza.
WHY DID I DO THIS???????????????????
And then, as I sit down at my computer, it hit me. The REAL reason why I am doing this, which probably has NOTHING to do with PMS.
I am afraid of succeeding. I am 2.5 pounds away from ONEDERLAND. And I'm scared to death that I'm actually going to get there. And soon.
Why on earth should I be afraid of something that I want so badly? Something that is good for me? Something I've been working REALLY hard for?
Because if I get there, if I'm "thin", then I lose who I have been most of my life. The fat girl. Those layers of fat did alot more than keep me warm in the winter. They kept people at arms length. No one got close to me. No one. Not my family. Not my friends. Not even my husband. (hmmmm, wonder why he's my ex now??) If no one got close, no one could hurt me. So while I craved love, was desperate to be loved and accepted, would do anything, become anyone, if someone would only love me--I was pushing away anyone and anything who might actually do just that.
Now, I am NOT saying that no one loves me. Plenty of people do. These brave, hardy souls have managed to push through the barriers I put up around me, and get in close enough to love me. And some of them I have allowed to do that, but not many. The risk was too great. If I let you in, you can know me, and in knowing me, you will know how horrible I am. Becuase I am, you know. I am the worst person the world has every seen. At least, that's what I thought of myself. For a long, long time, that's really what I believed!
By God's grace, I know that I am a valuable and worthy person. Far from perfect, but I have alot to offer. As my BFF would say, I'm quite a catch! But to let people close to me is to risk letting them hurt me. And that's scary stuff. It's easier to keep everyone at arm's length, and not take the risk.
Thats' sort of the beauty of the internet. I have online friends who only see what I let them see. it's safe. it's comfortable. It's also very fulfilling! Without all my inhibitions, I can be who I really am--funny, caring, friendly, crazy ME! And my weight doesn't matter here, not a bit.
But in the real world? Expectations of fat people are just different. I've always known what was expected of me. Now I'm not so sure anymore. What role will I need to play? Who will I need to be? Of course, the answer is: I need to be ME! I do NOT have to play a role, I just have to be myself. but that means taking that risk. what if who I am isn't good enough? what if I'm not acceptable?
I WANT to take that risk! I WANT to be who I am, and let people see the real me. I really do WANT to! I'm just a little (ok, a LOT) scared about exactly how to go about doing it, without losing myself in the process. Maybe I'm putting the brakes on a little, holding off on that whole ONEderland thing. Heck, maybe it's just an excuse for eating too much of the wrong things. I don't know, really.
OK, this is all getting a little deep and philisophical, so I am just going to stop. And think. ALOT. About where I'm going and what exactly I'm going to do when I get there. And I WILL get there. Maybe not this week, but soon. Sooner than I may feel ready. But deep inside, I AM ready. Ready to face the world and let my light shine. Ready to be who I AM, NOT who someone else thinks I should be.
I am Wendy. I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend. I am funny, kind, friendly, sensitive, generous, silly, smart, brave, strong, successful, interesting, honest, sincere, and I AM good enough. I AM ENOUGH!
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