Friday, July 9, 2010

NOT At All What I Was Expecting

NOT The News I Was Expecting
Friday, July 09, 2010

I went to see the kidney doctor today. A routine follow-up visit. I'd seen him in May after my lab work from my annual physical was a bit off kilter. Nothing big, nothing expected. Check the labs (which the nurse had told me 6 weeks ago were normal except for a slight elevation in my Creatinine). Get his blessing and see him in a year. (And that was only because my dad is in end stage renal failure, on dialysis and waiting for a kidney transplant, so my risk is higher than usual)

Well, it turned out A LOT different.

For starters, my labs were NOT all normal. In fact, they were anything but. Apparently something is way out of whack with my parathyroid levels, so now I have to take a new prescription (which none of the pharmacies around here seem to carry, and I'm leaving for vacation in 36 hours.) On top of that, there are other levels that are concerning him. And these labs were done when I was very well hydrated, eating perfectly, doing everything right.

I asked him if all this could have something to do with the fact that I am retaining fluid like crazy. Nope. But he IS concerned with the fluid retention. Not nearly as much as I am--I'M the one whose clothes don't fit because I've gained over 15 pounds in 2 weeks from fluid retention! He did say absolutely not to take a diuretic, which I had quite honestly been considering. So, scratch that idea!

The long and the short of it is,, I have to go back when I return from vacation. He'll redo the labs at that time. And then he wants to see me every 3-4 months after that. A bit of a change from the once a year I'd been expecting!

Also, when I went last time, I'd been quite distressed to see that he put my diagnosis at Stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease (especially since I hadn't realized I even HAD kidney disease! I figured he was basing that on the labs from my annual, which had been done when I was NOT eating right, and not particularly well hydrated. So, with the improved labs I was expecting, I thought that might back off to Stage 1.

Wrong again. I am now listed as Stage THREE (0ut of 6).

I am beyond upset with this. Here I've spent the last 2 1/2 years losing weight, getting in shape, exercising, eating right, drinking water like a fish, and this is the outcome? And it's getting WORSE? How? Why? I've never had high blood pressure (and it's now 100/70, even WITH the fluid retention!) My cholesterol is about 130. I've been so pleased with the improvements in my general health. I stopped taking anti-inflammatories for arthritis, I stopped taking a diuretic (which I'd only needed because the arthritis meds caused fluid retention). And we thought the meds were the cause of the kidney problems. But now I've been off them for over 2 months and I'm getting worse instead of better.

I guess the worst thing of this is knowing what the future holds if this progresses. I've seen my dad and what he's gone through. He's been on the transplant list for over 2 years, and they told him he's got at least another 1 /12 to 2 years to wait. Meanwhile he's on peritoneal dialysis, which requires him to hook up to a machine for 9 hours every night. It's the best option for dialysis because you feel better with it, rather than sick 1/2 the time like with hemodialysis, and it can be done at home rather than going into a dialysis center 3 days a week for hours on end.

But I'm not a candidate for peritoneal dialysis. 7 hernia repairs have left me with an abdomen full of scar tissue, which puts me out of the running. So my only options would be hemodialysis or a transplant. And the average wait for a transplant is 2-3 years or more. I know I'm a long way off from there, but still, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I know too much, I've seen too much. Ignorance is bliss, but I don't have that pleasure.

I hate this feeling of helplessness. There is not one damn thing I can do about this. The doctor's instructions consisted of "take this medicine" and "stay hydrated". But I want more! I want to DO something to make this go away. I want to take control of this aspect of my health, as I have taken control of others! Why won't my body cooperate?

I'd go have a pity party for myself but I'm too depressed.

Getting old really sucks!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I Had Quite A Day Today

've had quite a day.

First, I get to the gym early, set up all my equipment for my fitball class, and went to do the elliptical. Came back just as class was starting, and someone had taken my things! So I had to hunt down equipment from other rooms, find a spot in the room, etc. I was not amused.

Then, I noted a "weak soreness" in my left upper hip as I was sitting on the ball. I've felt this before, so didn't worry; I did the first few exercises and realized it was really starting to hurt. By the time I needed to get up off the mat (about 30 minutes in), I realized I could barely move. My friend helped me up and kindly offered to put away all of my equipment. I just thanked her and hobbled out. Getting into the car was pure torture. By the time I got home I was in serious trouble. Getting out of the car was worse than getting in. But once home, and once I was just upright, I was much better. I decided to go to the chiropractor.

She told me my SI joint (whatever that is) is all out of whack, and some muscle down there is in spasm. I got adjusted, was told I am banished from the gym until Monday, and told to come back in the afternoon. I went to leave. Well, between the pain and all the things rushing around in my head of what I needed to do, I wasn't thinking clearly. I went to back out, looked carefully in all directions, turned the wheel and backed out. Only I turned the wheel WAY too far, and "CRUNCH"--I've hit the car next to me. I wanted to crawl under a rock at that point! I apologized profusely to the very nice elderly lady whose car I'd hit. She told me not to worry about it. Her son is her insurance agent, and said the same thing. They were so very nice about it, which I really really appreciated! What a way to blow another $500 on the deductible! Oh well, it's only metal, and no one was hurt.

Came home to get everything else done on my lengthy to-do list. And realized I am going to have to kill my sister! I assumed my niece and her friend were coming in on the Turkish Airlines flight that gets in around 2:45. We made plans for my mom and dad to come down for dinner at 6 with all of us. WRONG! They are flying Delta, which I only learned when I asked my sister TODAY where I was to pick them up. Not only are they flying Delta, they arrive at 5:30 PM!!!! In the middle of rush hour! I was really not happy about this, and called my Dad to ask how he'd feel about having only one daughter, since I was going to kill my sister. My nice Daddy offered to pick up the girls for me! It's too hot for him to play golf, so he's got time. I will gladly let him do the honors! So he will get them and bring them here, and we'll greet them with pizza for a late dinner, and a nice chicken salad sandwich for Daddy. (I offered Lobster Thermidore, but he said the sandwich was fine)

Looks like I'll have some free time tomorrow--I'm quite sure I can find something to do with it. Like, maybe, SLEEP!!! More likely, I'll find other things that have to be done for the party, and feel the need to do them.

In any case, I just can't believe my baby girl has graduated from 8th grade! I remember when she graduated from Kindergarten! Where have the years gone?

Now we just have to get things ready for the party Friday, and then Saturday and beyond, I can relax and worry about LIFE.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Biggest Loser Challenge--The Results

I am NOT the Biggest Loser. but that's ok, because I really didn't expect to be. The winners all lost over 10% of their body weight (WOW!) and had tons of points. The guy who won lost 38 pounds!

I signed up for this challenge because I needed a kick-start. The old habits had returned and I needed to get back on track. I set a goal to lose 15 pounds. I surpassed that goal.

So no, I'm not the biggest loser. But I just might be the biggest winner!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Biggest Loser Weigh-Out, and An "Off" Day From Exercise

I got up this morning and hopped on the scale. Woohoo! Down almost 15 pounds since May 3. But I knew I had, um, a little extra weight still in me, so I went out and played around on Facebook until I felt the urge to, um, get rid of that extra. (trying not to be too graphic here!) So, I got back on the scale and WOW!!!!!! The official weight on my home scale is down 15.4 pounds. My goal was to lose 15 and I did it!!

So, I put on my shorts and a tank top and my sandals and headed off to the gym to weigh out. Now, this is considerably less clothing than I wore when I weighed in on May 3. Plus I didn't eat breakfast before going today, where I had eaten and also had alot of water before the original weigh-in. Hey, I'm no stranger to the tricks of a weigh-in!

Well, the official Biggest Loser weight is down exactly TWENTY pounds!!!! WoooooooooHooooooo!!!

I walked out of the gym with a huge smile on my face. No workout for me today--I did more than enough all week! I headed home and ate breakfast, and woke up my sleeping slaves...er, I mean, teenagers.

There was plenty of yard work to occupy my time today. First, I assembled my new power washer, hauled out the extension cords and the hose, hooked it up, and started power washing everything in sight. It was fun!!! Fences. Shed. Jacuzzi. Sidewalk. Patio chairs (16 of them!) The back of the house. The patio. I supervised weed pulling, and even pulled a few myself.

And we cleaned out the garage. Really cleaned it, as in, throwing out stuff we don't need anymore, packing up all the cardboard into my car to take to the recycling center on Monday, rearranging the Christmas stuff, the whole shebang.

Other than a break for lunch, and a short break to talk my BFF, I worked from 10 am til about 4 pm. I also did some ironing in there. When I finished outside, I came inside to do some more cleanup, and to check on the progress of the aforementioned teenagers' room cleanups. The bedrooms are still a work in progress, but the playroom is immaculate! I'd never have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes.

So, I went to log in my activity in the fitness tracker. I only put in for 3 hours, and listed it as "heavy cleaning" (which it was!). Who knew that could burn over 1000 calories? I logged my food, ordered in dinner for all of us (kids requested it, and I didn't feel like making dinner for me anyway!) I decided on a salad with grilled chicken. Always a good choice. Add some fruit and some of my yummy organic tortilla chips, and it's perfect. Plus, I got in all my water and then some.

So, even though it was an "off" day from exercise, it really wasn't after all. And right about now, I feel like I've done a whole triathalon just today!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Biggest Loser Triathalon, Day Three

It's done! I can't believe I actually did a triathalon--albeit a modified one.

I got to the gym this morning with a plan to do 30 minutes on the elliptical and then an hour with my trainer, and to come back this afternoon for the spin class and the 15 mile ride.

It didn't work out that way.

I saw the trainer who does the spin class, and asked her how crowded the class usually is. I planned to come in early to be sure I didn't get closed out of this class that I absolutely needed to take. I told her I was coming to do my 15 miles.

And then she dropped the bomb.

Oh, you do know, right, that the cycles in the spin class measure in kilometers?

WHAT?!?!?!?!?! You mean all this time I've been thinking I can do 15 MILES in an hour class, and I'm only doing 15 KILOMETERS??? Oh no, NOW what??? There's no way on earth I can do 24 km in an hour class where I usually do 15.

I went and did the workout with my trainer, and we came up with an idea. i could do the first 5.5 miles on a bike out in the gym, have it noted, and then come back in the afternoon as planned to do the other 15 km. So, I hopped on the bike. It was alot harder, and slower, than the ones in the spin class! It took me just under an hour to do the 5.5 miles!

I headed home for a snack that I hadn't planned on needing, changed into capris because it was getting hot, and headed out to do my many errands. I stopped at Wendy's for a salad for lunch, and got home just before 2 to eat and regroup. 3:00 found me back at the gym, checked in for the cycle class.

I started riding at 3:20. I wasn't taking any chances of not finishing by 4:30 when class ended. The instructor had an ear infection, so we had a sub, who is a total Nazi about spin class--even in a Beginner Cycle class! She had us working from the first minute.

I had already ridden an hour this morning, so I was not all that peppy. The clock refused to move--time wasn't passing! I covered up the readout so I wouldn't focus on how far I'd gone or how long I'd been riding. I peeked now and then. 20% done. 1/3 done. 50% done. By that time, I was pretty much done in. I didn't want to ride anymore, I just wanted to go home and sleep! I gave myself a little pep talk, and noticed that the guy in front of me was going A LOT slower than I was. Nothing like a little comparative motivation!

I pushed myself until I saw I'd done the required 15 km. But there was still 10 minutes left of the class--guess I didn't need to start early after all. At the 1 hour mark, I just tanked. I stopped. Stretched. Assured the instructor that yes, I was OK. We were down to the last few minutes of the class.

And then my display went blank.

WHAT?!?!?! Oh no! How will I prove that I did the required distance? I went up to the instructor as soon as class was over. I told her "I did 16.3 km, but the display went out.

And she then informed me that the cycles read in MILES, not KILOMETERS! Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!! She believed me on the distance though, and happily signed my paper, saying she saw me working and knew I'd done what I needed to do. I hobbled out of there feeling like a very exhilarated 90 year old woman!

So, I either rode 15.5 miles, or I rode 23 miles. Either way, I'm done. I made it! I survived!

Now, if I ever get my hands on the instructor who told me it was kilometers...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What Other People Think

I really thought it didn't matter to me anymore. If someone doesn't like me, oh well. The only opinions that mattered were people I care about.

WRONG!!! The fallacy of that belief hit me upside the head today.

Just yesterday I'd been glowing with the compliments and congratulations I've been getting from people at the gym for doing this triathalon. Plus, lots of nice comments about how great I look. Hey, a little encouragement is a good thing, right.

Well, that works both ways, apparently.

This morning in my Fitball class, I was talking with an older woman who is also doing the Biggest Loser challenge. We were discussing the triathalon and what we'd done so far. I mentioned that I had done the 50 laps yesterday. She said "did you see that woman who was walking?" I asked what she meant, and she said "some woman was doing the laps but she wasn't swimming all of it--she walked halfway and then when she couldn't touch anymore she swam, and then walked again." She said she thought that was cheating. I told her that the fitness guru lady had said it didn't matter how you did the laps--swim, doggie paddle, float, walk, run, whatever, as long as you did 50 laps. She said she still thought it was cheating because it made it easy.

I don't know if she knew I was that woman. I think she didn't, and was voicing a genuine opinion. My friend thinks she knew exactly who it was, and was being snarky. But it doesn't matter if she knew or not. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I spent the entire Fitball class wondering if maybe I should go back and swim the 50 laps again, swimming the entire way. And maybe I should redo the 8 mile walk because I did most of it on the elliptical and that's not fair either (even though the fitness guru lady said it was OK.)

The whole thing really sunk my mood. I had been feeling so proud of myself for what I'd done, and now I felt like a fake. I talked to my Mom and my BFF, and they both said I did nothing wrong, and that what I did certainly counted. Then I talked to my friend who is my massage therapist, and she really set me straight.

She pointed out that I am not doing this to compete against other people. I am doing it for ME. I am pushing myself harder than I ever have. I did the elliptical for twice as long as I ever did before. I did 50 laps in the pool, regardless of HOW I did it, which I haven't done since I was 18. I set a goal to lose 15 pounds, and I may or may not have reached that goal. But it was all about doing MY best. If someone had told me 2 months ago that I would do a triathalon of ANY type, I'd have laughed in their faces.

The truth is, I'm 49 years old, I've had 2 double knee replacements, I have arthritis from head to toe. I spent most of my life as a massively obese couch potato. For me to participate in ANY of this is a miracle! So I can't do 8 miles on the treadmill because it would destroy my knees. Fine, I did it on the ellliptical (with approval from the "boss"). So swimming 50 laps was too much for my arms. Fine, I did a walk/swim combo instead. I still did the 50 laps. I still pushed myself farther than I'd gone before.

So what if someone else doesn't think I did it the right way? I did it MY way--the way that was right for ME. That doesn't take anything away from anyone else. It's just me, doing the best I can with what I've got. I think I have a right to be proud of myself. What someone else thinks shouldn't matter.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Biggest Loser Triathalon, Day Two

Today was the day I was dreading. I am NOT a swimmer. I've got a pretty decent doggie paddle thing going, but that's it. Plus, I'm SLOW. Add to that the fact that the last time I swam 50 laps was in college, over 30 years ago....well, you can imagine.

Fortunately, the day started out alot better than yesterday. No weigh-in today. Plenty of oatmeal to make my full breakfast. The kids even behaved reasonably well. I put on my bathing suit, capris, and an old T-shirt with the words "Expect Miracles!" I thought that was quite appropriate, since it was going to take a miracle to get me through 50 laps. A miracle, and a whole lot of prayers!

I got to the gym a little before 8. I figured I'd need close to 2 hours, and I knew there was a pool class at 10, so I wanted to finish before then. My buddy Melody was joining me for the swim so we could cheer each other on. I checked in with the lifeguard, and went to assemble my equipment.

Yes, I needed equipment. Swim cap (thanks Laura!), noseplugs (never been very good about breathing when I swim), and a flotation belt. This last one was Melody's idea. She's not a swimmer either, and said she was going to use one so she didn't drown in the deep end. I decided that it was a great idea, and did likewise.

Wearing my full array of helpful extras, I waded into the pool. Not bad--not too cold, not too warm. All the lanes were taken, so I asked the person who seemed to be moving the slowest to share her lane. And I started on my first lap.

Wow. I'm really out of shape. This is harder than I feared. I will NEVER finish this alive. That's what I was thinking as I did my first 4 laps. At the end of the 4th, I paused for a drink of water, and noticed that Melody had arrived. I also saw that the end lane was empty. So we grabbed that lane for ourselves--it didn't matter if we bumped into each other!

Our speed was pretty equal, which worked out nicely. We counted together. We chatted at the turns. And I suddenly realized that I'd done 20 laps!! I stopped for a break while Melody did 2 more laps, and then started in on my next 20. The fitness guru lady had said we could swim any way we wanted, and we could even walk in the water if we wanted to. That sounded like a smart idea, so I tried it. Walk half a lap, swim the other half when the water got deeper, swim 1/2 way back, walk the last half. Well, this was great! Much better for my arms, which are not nearly as strong as my legs.

Next thing I knew, I was at 40 laps! I took another break while Melody swam the 2 laps to catch up to me. When I was ready to go again, I couldn't find my nose plugs. I was looking around in the water and didn't see them. Oh no! How will I swim 10 laps without them??

Melody asked if I was looking for them. "Yes, I think I dropped them." "Um, Wendy? They're on your head!" And there they were, sitting high enough on my forehead that I didn't feel them! DUH!

Crisis averted, we swam the last 10 laps together. Before I knew it, we were done!! 50 laps! In just under an hour! WooHoo!!!! We hauled ourselves out of the pool, got our papers signed by the lifeguard, and headed for the jacuzzi for a much deserved hot soak.

It was really nice to hear "way to go!", "I'm proud of you" "I knew you could do it!" from the lifeguard, the fitness guru lady, and my wonderful trainer, Jaime, as I was walking out of the gym. A little encouragement goes a long way with me. And that miracle I was expecting didn't hurt either! Thank you God! All that's left now is the cycling--15 miles--on Thursday. And that's the easy part!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Biggest Loser Triathalon, Day One

The day did not begin well.

I hopped on the scale to find I have GAINED 2.5 pounds since Friday. HUH? I mean, I know I ate some cookies yesterday, but come on!!! Gave myself some positive self talk and kept going.

I went to make breakfast, and was nearly out of oatmeal. As in, I only had 1/4 cup and I needed 1/2 cup. I almost bought some last week, but I just KNEW I had 2 more boxes at home. Wrong. So I only had 1/2 of my usual serving. Not great on a high activity day.

I got to the gym and, you guessed it, every damn elliptical was in use. This is a BIG gym. There are 8 ellipticals (the kind I use anyway, there are other types too). NOW what do I do??

I saw my trainer and asked if she was free to train right then, rather than waiting an hour for my scheduled time. She was, so I worked with her for an hour first, leaving the entire 8 miles for after, instead of breaking it up into 2 sessions with training in between.

I had prepared well, bringing 2 big bottles of water and a snack of granola and grapes for my mid-point break. Only now my time schedule was all off.

I finished training and hopped on the elliptical. I think I've done an hour straight before, but at a lower intensity than I do nowadays, and I usually stop at 45 minutes. So this was going to be a long one. I just had no idea HOW long.

I don't sweat much, never have. 45 minutes on the elliptical will leave me "glistening", but that's about it. If it's really really hot out, my face and neck might get sweaty, and when I have a hot flash, my shins sweat (weird, huh?), but that's it. Well, I was sweating like a pig!! I drank all of my water. We're talking 48 ounces! No problem getting in my 8 glasses today!

I was reading a good book while I worked, so it wasn't too bad. But then I finished the book. I started another (God, I LOVE my Kindle!) but it just wasn't holding my attention very well. I kept looking at how far I'd gone, and thinking of how far I still had to go. That damn mileage display was NOT helping things!

At 5 miles, I had to take a break. The stupid machine tops out at an hour, plus a 5 minute cool down! So I had to reset. Thank God my trainer trusts me! I walked around for a minute, stretched a bit, and climbed back on. It was alot harder than I remember it being the first round. I decided to switch the display from distance to revolutions/min. I kept my speed where I usually do, but it was really really hard!

About 30 minutes in to my second round, my trainer came over to chat. I had a little more than a mile to go. I was fading. FAST. She gave me a pep talk, and stayed to encourage me. I'd sent my BFF a text, and she responded with encouraging comments like "you can do it", and "you're amazing and tough". This is why she's my BFF--she always knows exactly the right thing to say!! Thanks Tracey! Thanks Jaime!

35 minutes in, I switched back to the distance display, and realized I was almost done! I kept chatting with Jaime, and before I knew it, I'd hit the 3 mile mark! I climbed down off the machine, with more than a little difficulty, and did some stretching. I thanked her for her support, got my paper signed, and hobbled out of there. I ate my snack in the car, made a quick stop at the grocery store (oatmeal, remember?), and headed home to collapse.

Until I remembered I had to pick up my doggie from boarding. 30 minutes away.

How the heck am I ever going to swim 50 laps tomorrow?????

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Curse of the Chocolate Chip Cookies

My mom makes the world's best chocolate chip cookies. Seriously. They are famous all over the world! Spain, Turkey, Finland, Croatia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Kosovo--you name it. And those cookies are responsible for more than a few of the extra pounds I was carrying around for so many years.

Today my mom baked cookies in celebration of my daughter's swimming success at the Summer Olympics this weekend. I grabbed a quick bite of the dough (the best part!) and told myself that was enough.

But then she had to go and BAKE them! And the whole house smelled SOOOO good! And of course I had to eat just one. And on the way out to pick up my son, just one more. And one more, and....well you get the idea.

To top that off, we had Spaghetti Pie for dinner. Pasta, eggs, cheese...all on the no-no list for food sensitivities. (as if the flour, eggs and butter in the cookies wasn't bad enough!) Oh, and did I mention we had ice cream for dessert? Ay yi yi!

So now I'm back home with a headache, feeling nauseous, and wondering eating those ghings was worth it. OK, I overdid it on the cookies. But a little ice cream? And a long-time favorite dish for dinner?

Yeah, it was worth it. Now, if only those damn cookies weren't so GOOD! (and if only there wern't still 6 of them in a bag on my counter...for the kids, I PROMISE!!! I'm done.)

Tomorrow starts the Triathalon. I suppose I could consider this carb loading...

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Life Happens

And it's happening big time this weekend! My daughter is swimming in the NJ Special Olympics Summer Games (Go Marlins!!), so I'm spending the weekend at my parents (they live 5 minutes from the site of the games). In addition, I'm eating meals away from home (lunches) and prepared differently than my usual fare (dinners).

Today for lunch they had burgers and dogs. Yuck. My daughter didn't even want any! She begged me to bring her a sandwich. So I got one for myself too. Pulled out some of the bready part of the roll, and asked for only a little mayo. I had that, chips (OK, could have skipped those...) and some grapes. Not bad! Mom's making pork chops for dinner, and I got a potato and some tomatoes at Whole Foods to have along with that. My breakfast and snacks were the usal ones.

I came in range on everything except calories, and even those were only over by less than 200. Not too shabby. Tomorrow we'll go out for lunch, and I'm planning on a salad with grilled chicken. Mom's making Spaghetti Pie for dinner, which is all the things I'm not supposed to be eating (cheese, wheat, eggs) so I'll eat a small portion.

Life happens. Planning ahead really helps to deal with it!

BTW, my little fishy got a gold and a bronze today!!!

Friday, June 4, 2010

I Do Believe I've Lost My Mind!

Completely. Totally bonkers. Whacko! Yup, that's me!

I have signed up for a triathalon. Not a real one, mind you, I'm nowhere NEAR that level. But it's a thing at my gym, as part of the Biggest Loser Challenge. We have to cycle 15 miles, walk 8 miles on the treadmill, and swim 50 laps in the pool. We have a week to do it all, but each segment has to be done in ONE DAY! OK, the 15 mile ride is what I do in a normal 1 hour cycle class, so that's no problem. 8 miles on the treadmill is gonna kill my knees, and take me about 3 hours. I am allowed to do some on the elliptical instead, but that will only slow me down.

The biggest issue for me is the swimming. 50 laps? I haven't done that since college, when I did a swim-a-thon. It nearly killed me then (of course, I was nearly 100 pounds heavier at the time, but still...) It will probably take me most of a day to do it.

And on top of this fiasco, I still have to take 3 classes AND do 2 hours of personal training that same week! Well, if nothing else, it ought to boost my weight loss that week to record numbers.

Ay, yi yi, the things we'll do for $1000.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

It Really DOES Make A Difference!

I've been eating properly for quite awhile now. I've stayed away from dairy, wheat, and eggs due to food sensitivities. Because of this, my seasonal allergies have been much better than usual, despite the horrible year for allergies that everyone else is moaning about. I've been feeling really good about this.

Tonite I went to a dinner that was prepared by my daughter and her teen chef classmates. I knew in advance that the menu contained all of my sensitive foods, but chose to eat reasonable portions of everything. This was obviously NOT an event that I could bring my own food to! But I know that "life happens", and sometimes we are not totally in control over what we will be eating. This was just one of those times.

The menu consisted of Spinach and Cheese Cannelloni, Cheesy Breadsticks, Caprese Salad, and Chocolate Sticky Bread. I ate the cannelloni, which was delicious, and part of a breadstick. I absolutely love Caprese Salad (mozzarella and tomatoes), so I had some of that. Then came the Chocolate Sticky Bread. Picture biscuit dough, wrapped around Hershey kisses, rolled in butter and cinnamon sugar, and placed 4 together in a muffin cup. O.M.G. Sheer heaven!!

OK, I should have had just one of the 4 little blobs of yumminess, but I couldn't help myself. It was so obscenely delicious I ate the whole thing. And didn't feel one bit guilty!!

Now I'm home. I still have an odd aftertaste in my mouth. And oh, boy, do I have a headache! My stomach is feeling a bit unsettled too. Needless to say, I will skip my usual one Hershey kiss at bedtime, since I've had 4 already. In fact, I'm thinking I'll forgo a snack altogether tonight.

I don't know why I'm surprised at these effects, but I am. It really does make a noticeable difference when I eat the things I'm sensitive to. Makes me not want to do it again any time soon. Which, I suppose, is a good thing, and maybe the whole idea in the first place!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Listening To My Body

My body has been talking to me lately. Alot. I ignored it for awhile, but finally realized I needed to listen to what it was trying to tell me. And in doing so, I've learned some rather interesting things:

I can do more than I think I can. Whether it's an untried Pilates move, a cycle class, or just keeping on walking, I continue to be pleasantly surprised by what my body can do. So I should try before I say "I can't do that!"

Just because it's on the menu plan for the day doesn't mean eating it is a good idea. Sometimes I really am too full to finish my meal. It's perfectly alright to put off eating part of a meal until later. I can eat that cup of pineapple just as well with my evening snack as I can with my filling dinner. Not stopping when I feel full is counterproductive, not to mention damned uncomfortable!

Getting enough sleep is really, really, really important. And that doesn't just mean spending time laying in bed. My Exer-Spy tells me how much time I spend doing each, and I'm often amazed at the amount of time I spend NOT sleeping, when I think I am. Going to bed earlier gives me more time to get in enough actual sleep, and makes me more productive the next day.

Sometimes I just need to rest. I spent last Friday walking around Six Flags Great Adventure with my son's Middle School band. Lots of walking, lots of sun, not alot of healthy food choices available (so I didn't eat much). I came home and was just worn out. In bed by 10:30, sound asleep before 11, and I didnt' wake up until 10:15 the next morning! If that wasn't a message from the management, I don't know what it was! I chose to take the day off from exercise, and use the hour I would have spent at the gym to pay a much needed visit to the chiropractor. Since Sunday is always my day off, I got a 2-day break. And was ready and raring to go this morning when it was time to head out to the gym!

Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. I've been on too many meds for various health issues, and have long said I wish I could get off the anti-inflammatory so I could also say goodbye to the diuretic (needed because the anti-inflammatory causes fluid retention) and the Prevacid (to protect my stomach from the effects). Well, turns out my kidneys aren't real fond of the stuff either, so my doctor told me I had to stop taking them. She prescribed a painkiller instead. I didn't feel like it was helping that much, if at all. So I stopped taking it. The jury is still out on whether I can do without it, but I'm sure hoping.

I'm not a teenager anymore. I am a middle aged woman who has been severely overweight for most of my life. I will never have a 29 inch waist again. I will never have thin thighs, or toned legs and arms. I have wrinkles and they are here to stay. I may admire someone else's figure, or legs, or whatever, but there's no point in wishing I had that figure, or legs, or whatever, because I DON'T and I WON'T, even if I weighed 110 pounds! This is partly genetic, partly age related, and mostly my own doing. I'm much better off accepting the body I have and taking the best possible care of it.

So, see, I HAVE been listening! Paying attention, even. About time, dontcha think?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Random Thoughts

On Friday, my BFF turned 50. That means I only have about 5 months to go. We went out to dinner with a mutual friend who I haven't seen in years. It's hard to believe that it was 40 years ago that we were the 3 little girls on bicycles riding around the neighborhood. Where have the years gone?

I got a salad spinner for Mothers' Day. Who knew a little thing like that could get me so excited? I love it! Makes salad making SO much easier.

Monday I took a Zumba Gold class. It's supposed to be "slower paced". I'm so glad they think so. I still can't keep up--I've got 2 left feet. But it was lots of fun, and I'd do it again.

Tuesday I went bike to the torture chamber...er, cycle studio. Beginner Cycle. I took my padded seat cover and promised myself I would stay for the one hour class. It was TOTALLY different from the first cycle class I took! I couldn't keep up the pace, but I did just fine. I was even able to ride standing up for a bit. And I lasted the whole hour!! Funny, but when I left, my legs were tired but my arms felt like jello. Guess I'm still leaning on them too much.

Yesterday I went to a women's conference with my favorite author, Liz Curtis Higgs. I don't know when I've laughed so hard so much! It was a wonderful day of fellowship. I even bought 2 more books!

Today I feel achy. My neck hurts and I've got a wicked headache. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical this morning, and that's when I noticed my neck was hurting. My stomach has been sore too--actually my abdomen, not the stomach proper. So I'm taking it easy tonite. My son got his braces on today--he looks so cute with his mouth full of metal!

Tomorrow is scale day. I wonder what the numbers will show. My ExerSpy says I'm running a calorie defecit of about 800-900/day. I actually dropped my calories from the high 1600s to the low 1500s. I need to be in weight LOSS range, not maintenance. But I also found that, while my expected calorie burn is 2175/day, most days I'm burning around 2500. I lvoe my ExerSpy. Unfortunately, my computer doesn't--half the time I can'tget it to download. Tomorrow I'm just going to download it at the gym.

Goodness, I lead such as fascinating life...NOT!

Monday, May 3, 2010

What's WRONG With These People???

OK, I just want to know one thing. Who is the sadistic bastard who invented the bicycle seats for the Spin class I took this morning????

The instructor is a friend of mine from church, and she's been after me for over a year to take her class. I promised I would get there someday. Today is someday.

I've signed up for the Biggest Loser challenge at my gym. I desperately need the incentive and motivation to get my big butt in gear and back on track. One of the things you can get points for is taking 3 classes, one in each of 3 different fitness areas (Cardio, Aqua, Cycle, Strength, and Mind/Body) each week. So this morning I went to my first ever Spin class.

What a nightmare! The seats are about the size you'd expect on a toddler's tricycle, and they are hard as a rock. I sat down on it, and right away it went to places I didn't want it to go. I tried to find a comfortable position, but such a thing apparently doesn't exist.

Class began, and I noticed that the room was nearly full, with only a couple of empty cycles. Everyone else had been there before. We started off and I seemed to be doing OK. I looked in the mirror and noticed that most people seemed to be resting comfortably on their forearms. Mine felt like I was trying to hold back the water behind Hoover Dam. The other cyclers seemed perfectly happy to plant their skinny little butts on the tiny little seats. My butt was not amused.

The instructor called out instructions with a peppy CD playing in the background. Apparently, this was an interval class, so she was switching things up alot. Cool, I like the interval thing. Only, not there! She said we should be doing an "easy" ride, at about 75-80 RPM. I looked down and saw that I was at 52. Next, she tells us to stand. Huh? Stand up on those little pedal things? OK, I ried it, and it's ALOT harder than the other people made it look! They all seemed to be enjoying the break from that sadistic seat, but I felt like my legs would fall off after about 5 revolutions of the pedals!

So, I sat back down. Ouch. That's a bit tender there...

Next, she upped the intensity. Faster song. "Now you should be at a little over 100 RPM". I looked down. I was at 63. And I was getting VERRRRY uncomfortable. I shifted a bit on the seat, hoping to relieve the, um, pressure. Great, now I'm just as uncomfortable, but in a different part of "down there".

I checked out the timer and noted that I had survived exactly 5 minutes and 31 seconds of this horror. And it was an hour long class! I started praying. "Please God, just get me through this". The teacher told us to close our eyes, and I did so, hoping to not lose my balance and fall off the bike in front of everyone. (I'd taken a seat up front, right near the door.) "Now, pedal as fast as you can, and don't worry about the rate until you open your eyes and see where you are". OK, so I pedaled as fast as my stubby old legs would go. I opened my eyes and saw that I was at...73. And I was starting to get numb in my hands, shoulders, and that other place.

At 15 minutes, I decided, to hell with the speed, I'm just going to DO this. I'd been dutifully raising the resistance every time she told us to, and that seemed to be going well. I was all the way up to 10, right along with the crowd. I was sweating like a pig, something I NEVER do. (My warmup jacket had been tossed off at about 2 minutes into the class). I was taking a drink from my water bottle as often as I felt I could reach it, waaaaay down by my shins. I was wondering what ever posessed me to think that this would be a good class to take.

At 20 minutes, I made a decision. There was just no way in hell I was going to survive that entire class. I told myself that I could stop at 30 minutes. Assuming I lasted that long. Meanwhile, the rest of the class is happily pedaling along without a care in the world. What's wrong with these people? Have they NO feeling? Or is that it--they've been at this so long that they've lost all sensation of pain?

At 25 minutes, I had lost all feeling in my hands and shoulders. If only I'd had the good fortune to lose feeling elsewhere...

At 27 minutes, I was watching the timer on the bike. It seemed to me that it was moving verrrrry slowly. At 28 minutes, I was just praying for it to be over, and at 29 minutes, I began my countdown and my cooldown.

At 30 minutes, I stopped. I shot an apologetic look at my friend, the teacher, and somehow managed to disengage my feet from the straitjackets on the pedals. It took me a minute to figure out how to get OFF the bike, but I managed. I picked up my jacket and my water bottle and hobbled out the door, as the teacher said "great Wendy, you did 30 minutes. Next time you'll do 35".

Next time?!?! You mean I'm supposed to do this AGAIN???

Friday, April 23, 2010

My Legs

I was reading another blog today, and the writer was talking about the awful things that people say to fat people. People can be beyond cruel, and they seem to think that just because you're fat means you can't hear either, or have no feelings.

"Oh my God, look how fat that girl is, and look at how much she's eating"
"Good grief, look how fat she is! I wonder where she finds clothes that fit that body"
"You have such a pretty face, if you'd just lose weight"
"Mommy!! Look how FAT that lady is!"
"Ugh! People with legs like that should never wear shorts!"

And on, and on, and on.

After losing a great deal of weight, I am still far from thin, and never will be thin. I'm pretty average size for a soon-to-be-50 woman. But my legs are my worst feature. I have hated them for years. They are much bigger than the rest of me, and years of yo-yo dieting have left them saggy like a Sharpei. There is nothing I can do to change this--if I weighed 95 pounds they would still look that way (probably worse!). I look at other women, with their cute legs, in short skirts, and feel so inadequate.

Today, coming out of the gym, I had an "ah-ha" moment. I can't change this. No matter what I do, these are the legs I've got. Agonizing about it won't change a darn thing. So I have to accept them for what they are. And on the uncommon occasion when I wear shorts, if someone looks at my legs and doesn't like what they see, they are free to look the other way!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Taking the Bull By the Horns

As I sat here yesterday, looking at the huge quantity of snow outside and lamenting the fact that I couldn't get to the gym. I really did not feel like another battle with the Wii Fit, so I spent the time cleaning out a closet that desperately needed it. Probably a better workout than the Wii anyway...

So, I got to thinking, "Damn, I really wish I had an Elliptical here at home!" I've often said if I ever owned another fitness machine, it would be an Elliptical. But where would I put it? Besides, I go to the gym 5-6 times a week, why do I need one at home. Well, all that snow sure answered THAT question! Besides, when I get home from work, sometimes I really don't want to head back out into the cold and go to the gym.

I talked to my sister (who was snowed in with us--what fun!) and we discussed the issue of where I could put it that I could still watch TV but it wouldn't be squeezed in somewhere or in the way. And then it came to me--what do I need more? The 25 year old loveseat in my family room (that is accompanied by 2 chairs and a big sofa anyway) or an Elliptical? They have about the same footprint. I rarely need seats for that many people in here, and could always move in some chairs from other rooms. Hmmmmmm...that really got me thinking.

I had actually talked to my trainer about Ellipticals on Tuesday, and she had said the ones at the gym were like $8000!!! Who knew? But she said Precor made cheaper ones, and they were the best. Well, I looked online and they may be "cheaper" but they sure ain't cheap! The lowest price I saw was still over $3000! So I read some reviews from various sources, and one other brand kept coming up--Smooth. I ventured over to their website, plugged in my height, weight, level of activity, price range, etc., and it spit out some suggestions. The lowest one was still $1899. But I had seen mention of yet another model that looked like it would meet my needs, so I checked it out. Brand new 2010 model--special introductory price of $1399! Now THAT's what I'm talking about!

I called the sales department at Smooth and talked to a very nice, helpful young man. I told him what I needed, which models I was considering, and asked what he would recommend. Based on my height (5'4") and the fact that my 4'10" daughter will likely be using it too, he said the higher priced one would likely be too long of a stride. He recommended the lower priced model, assured me it would meet our needs very nicely, and answered my few remaining questions.

OK, so, do I go for it? YES!!! I placed the order, and requested their "White Glove Delivery" which includes bringing it into the house and setting it up for me! (Regular delivery leaves it at the curb--NOT an option for a 210 pound piece of equipment!)

It should be here in 2-3 weeks. That won't help me through the next snowstorm (forecast for this coming Monday), but I will sure be prepared for the future!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

ANOTHER Blizzard...UGH!

For the second time in a week, we are getting slammed with a snowstorm. 16 inches over the weekend, and this time we are forecast to get 16-22 more. Right now it's coming down hard and fast.

Heavy snow means I get stuck at home. Now, this is not completely a bad thing (although my kids are known to drive me crazy on snow days). But stuck at home means no going to the gym. And that IS a bad thing.

On Saturday, I made do with 30 minutes of Wii Fit. Not bad, but it pales in comparison to my usual workout. So, knowing the snow was coming and I would likely not get to the gym today, I opted to go Monday night. AFTER working all day and doing grocery shopping. This is new for me, I have NEVER done it before! I always exercise in the morning anyway. But I thought it would be a good idea.

I went yesterday and did my usual workout and an hour with my trainer, and figured today would be a Wii Fit day. Well, it turned out that the roads were well plowed this morning, and with the worst of the snow forecast for later in the day, I decided to venture out after all. The roads were fine, and I happily got in 45 minutes of cardio before it started looking questionable. The roads going home weren't bad, other than when turning corners, but I could see it was getting bad fast.

So now I'm home, and have the satisfaction of knowing that, not once but TWICE, I made a decision in favor of health. Which means I can sit back and watch the ugly white stuff fall, and not have to worry about going anywhere until tomorrow afternoon. When hopefully, this will have cleared up.

So much for global warming!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

My Battle With the Wii Fit

Since we were in the middle of a major snowstorm today, I was unable to get to the gym. So I decided to get on the Wii Fit for the first time in ages. It was fun doing the different exercises again. Admittedly, I'm a little rusty after all this time.

But that stupid machine told me I'm obese! Hello? I have 26% body fat--that is NOT obese! Not only that, it says my body age is 59. Which is 10 years older than I actually am. Now, I'm in pretty decent shape, so I find this hard to believe. OK, my balance leaves alot to be desired, but still, 59?

So I yelled at the Wii Fit. "Are you crazy?" "I am NOT obese you idiot!" "What the hell do you know anyway?" Didn't change anything, but it did make me feel a little better.

Stupid machine...I'm going back tomorrow to show it what I'm made of!

Friday, February 5, 2010

What the HECK is Going On Here???

My food has been perfect. Only one very minor "cheat" (an extra 1/4 cup of granola one night last week, dutifully logged, BTW) in 4 weeks. I've been right around 1600 calories daily, with the proper mix of protein, carbs and fats. My sodium intake has been fine. I've been at the gym 5 days a week, doing cardio and strength training. I'm drinking water like a fish.

So WHY is the scale UP 3 pounds???

It's not TOM--I'm long done with that. I don't seem to be retaining fluid anywhere. "Traffic is moving" quite efficiently. So what IS the problem?

On Tuesday my trainer is hooking me up to my "Body Bugg", so we can get a closer look at what's happening. I sure as heck hope we get some answers, because this is frustrating as all get out!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Amazing Adventures of Duke, the (Stevie) Wonder Dog


Saturday, January 30, 2010
Early this month, I noticed that my dog was having a hard time finding toys when I threw them, and was bumping into furniture. When he missed the chair he was jumping on and fell on the floor instead, I called the vet. Diagnosis--SARDS. Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration Syndrome. Quite simply, he's blind. It happened in a matter of days. One weekend he could see, the next weekend he could not.

In the past 3 weeks, I have watched my little guy adapt to his newly dark world. I am completely amazed at the resilience he has shown. At the beginning, he was understandably confused, scared, and uncertain. He refused to leave my side. He slept most of the time. But as time went on, I started to see signs of the Duke I knew and loved.

He's made a "mental map" of the house, and can now find his way around without bumping into things (for the most part). He can find his way from the back door to his "potty spot", and back to the door to come in. He's even started to scamper back to the house again, rather than the slow, careful plodding. He once again greets me at the door on 2 legs, dancing to say "hi Mom!" He's even figured out how to steal my shoes! Yesterday he spent the day at "camp"--the place where he boards has doggy day care, and I took him over for the day for a "tryout". He did great! He played with the other dogs, hung out with the owner, and basically acted the same as he always has when there. (this is a great relief, since it means he will be able to board there when we travel.)

As I've watched Duke adapt, it made me think of my own journey. I, too, have had to adapt to a very different life. Thankfully, I can still see, but the changes I've made are pretty significant. And, like his, my changes are permanent. They won't go away in a week, or a month, or a year. They've become part of who I am now. I was a couch potato who ate too much of the wrong stuff, making me obese and unhealthy. Now I am an exerciser who eats healthy foods in moderate quantities, making me much slimmer and healthier.

OK, sure, my changes have been for the better, while Duke's have not, but they've still had a huge impact on both of our lives. They've changed how we live. And you know what? I think we're both adapting pretty well!

Random Thoughts About Food

Sunday, January 24, 2010
The sodium level in restaurant food is incredible. I had lunch at PF Changs today, and for a 1/2 order of a Chicken with Almonds & Cashews Lunch Bowl, there were 2085 mg of sodium! That's nearly an entire day's worth. I usually don't come close to that on a given day. I wonder what affect it will have on the scale tomorrow.

Sometimes I feel like I just have too much food to eat. I had my snack late, and even with waiting 3 hours to have dinner, I wasn't hungry. I tried to eat, starting with the protein, since I really need to get that in. I couldn't do half of it, even with eliminating the salad I had planned. It's not that I didn't try, but if I eat another bite I will literally be sick. What was that thing about eating Chinese food and being hungry again in an hour?

The next couple of weeks are going to be insane for me. Sticking to my food and exercise plan is going to really really difficult, and at times downright impossible. I am giving myself permission to do my best, even if it isn't perfect.

Why is it as I get older, so many foods I used to love (peas, shrimp, salmon for example) no longer taste good? I can see my tastes changing to healthier foods. But for my old favorites to become undesirable? Weird.

I spent time this evening making food for my dog (he has to eat homemade food for medical reasons). Ground beef with pureed green peppers, spinach, and diced tomatoes. It looked pretty good, and smelled great too. Darn dog eats better than I do!

One Week Down, A Lifetime to Go

Monday, January 18, 2010
It's been a week since I returned to SparkPeople and my healthy eating plan. I've lost 6 pounds, and I feel SO much better! I went to the gym twice last week and rode the bike a little, and did some elliptical. It went pretty well, so I am going to add the gym into my routine, and increase it slowly to my tolerance. Hopefully I can get back to my trainer in about a month.

I'm reading The Spark and enjoying it. I laughed out loud when I came to the part about your tastes changing, and all of a sudden you "get it', that healthy food tastes better. I thought, hmm, yeah, that's true. And on the very next page, under that same heading, was the quote from ME! Funny, I thought it was a new concept. Guess I was wrong.

I'm reconnecting with some old SparkFriends, and it's interesting to see that we all are struggling. I suppose that just goes to show that this journey is NOT easy, and it's all too easy to stumble off track. The important thing is that we realize we've strayed, and find our way back to the right path before we do serious damage.

16 pounds out of 113. I can live with that. That's great progress.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Back In The Saddle Again

So, I've spent the last 3-4 months eating my way into a 16 pound weight gain. Eating all the things I know are not good for me. And loving every minute of it.

But along the way, I noticed (NOT for the first time) that as much as I enjoyed eating those foods, I didn't much care for the way they made me FEEL. Tired, headachy, bloated, nauseous. It wasn't pretty. Oh, and did I mention my pants didn't fit? I even had to buy new jeans, a size bigger.

Now, I have a valid excuse for lack of exercise--I had a total knee replacement in October, and I'm still doing Physical Therapy, so going to the gym is not an option yet. But, as I've learned that I CAN ride a bike now, I am itching to get in there and actually DO it! I see the doctor in 2 weeks and am hoping he will clear me for that.

Anyway, around Thanksgiving, I decided that after the holidays I was going to return to eating no dairy, no wheat, and no eggs. As much as I don't like eating that way, I do like how I feel when I am. I figure I'll do a total elimination for a month, and then really limit how much of those things I eat while sticking to a healthy eating plan.

The holidays for me end January 7 (Russian Christmas), and we had a Sweet 16 party on the 9th, so I opted for Monday January 11 as my start day. I hopped on the scale Monday morning and was pleasantly surprised to see that I've only gained 16 pounds, and I'm only 12 pounds over goal range. I had feared it was much worse.

I am absolutely blown away by how much better I feel after only 3 days. My headache is gone, I have about 3 times more energy, I just feel better all over! I know I said the same thing in my last blog, but I really do wish I could remember this when I feel like eating garbage.