What's WRONG With These People???

OK, I just want to know one thing. Who is the sadistic bastard who invented the bicycle seats for the Spin class I took this morning????

The instructor is a friend of mine from church, and she's been after me for over a year to take her class. I promised I would get there someday. Today is someday.

I've signed up for the Biggest Loser challenge at my gym. I desperately need the incentive and motivation to get my big butt in gear and back on track. One of the things you can get points for is taking 3 classes, one in each of 3 different fitness areas (Cardio, Aqua, Cycle, Strength, and Mind/Body) each week. So this morning I went to my first ever Spin class.

What a nightmare! The seats are about the size you'd expect on a toddler's tricycle, and they are hard as a rock. I sat down on it, and right away it went to places I didn't want it to go. I tried to find a comfortable position, but such a thing apparently doesn't exist.

Class began, and I noticed that the room was nearly full, with only a couple of empty cycles. Everyone else had been there before. We started off and I seemed to be doing OK. I looked in the mirror and noticed that most people seemed to be resting comfortably on their forearms. Mine felt like I was trying to hold back the water behind Hoover Dam. The other cyclers seemed perfectly happy to plant their skinny little butts on the tiny little seats. My butt was not amused.

The instructor called out instructions with a peppy CD playing in the background. Apparently, this was an interval class, so she was switching things up alot. Cool, I like the interval thing. Only, not there! She said we should be doing an "easy" ride, at about 75-80 RPM. I looked down and saw that I was at 52. Next, she tells us to stand. Huh? Stand up on those little pedal things? OK, I ried it, and it's ALOT harder than the other people made it look! They all seemed to be enjoying the break from that sadistic seat, but I felt like my legs would fall off after about 5 revolutions of the pedals!

So, I sat back down. Ouch. That's a bit tender there...

Next, she upped the intensity. Faster song. "Now you should be at a little over 100 RPM". I looked down. I was at 63. And I was getting VERRRRY uncomfortable. I shifted a bit on the seat, hoping to relieve the, um, pressure. Great, now I'm just as uncomfortable, but in a different part of "down there".

I checked out the timer and noted that I had survived exactly 5 minutes and 31 seconds of this horror. And it was an hour long class! I started praying. "Please God, just get me through this". The teacher told us to close our eyes, and I did so, hoping to not lose my balance and fall off the bike in front of everyone. (I'd taken a seat up front, right near the door.) "Now, pedal as fast as you can, and don't worry about the rate until you open your eyes and see where you are". OK, so I pedaled as fast as my stubby old legs would go. I opened my eyes and saw that I was at...73. And I was starting to get numb in my hands, shoulders, and that other place.

At 15 minutes, I decided, to hell with the speed, I'm just going to DO this. I'd been dutifully raising the resistance every time she told us to, and that seemed to be going well. I was all the way up to 10, right along with the crowd. I was sweating like a pig, something I NEVER do. (My warmup jacket had been tossed off at about 2 minutes into the class). I was taking a drink from my water bottle as often as I felt I could reach it, waaaaay down by my shins. I was wondering what ever posessed me to think that this would be a good class to take.

At 20 minutes, I made a decision. There was just no way in hell I was going to survive that entire class. I told myself that I could stop at 30 minutes. Assuming I lasted that long. Meanwhile, the rest of the class is happily pedaling along without a care in the world. What's wrong with these people? Have they NO feeling? Or is that it--they've been at this so long that they've lost all sensation of pain?

At 25 minutes, I had lost all feeling in my hands and shoulders. If only I'd had the good fortune to lose feeling elsewhere...

At 27 minutes, I was watching the timer on the bike. It seemed to me that it was moving verrrrry slowly. At 28 minutes, I was just praying for it to be over, and at 29 minutes, I began my countdown and my cooldown.

At 30 minutes, I stopped. I shot an apologetic look at my friend, the teacher, and somehow managed to disengage my feet from the straitjackets on the pedals. It took me a minute to figure out how to get OFF the bike, but I managed. I picked up my jacket and my water bottle and hobbled out the door, as the teacher said "great Wendy, you did 30 minutes. Next time you'll do 35".

Next time?!?! You mean I'm supposed to do this AGAIN???