I do believe if I have to look at oatmeal, cornmeal porridge, chopped salad, turkey, potatoes, rice, salmon or tuna EVER again, I will just scream. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! I hate food. I hate everything ABOUT food. I hate cooking it. I hate eating it. Most of all, I hate planning for it and THINKING about it. I wish I never had to eat again. Why? This certainly doesn't sound like someone who needs to lose weight. But it is. It's me. And no, I'm not anorexic or anything, where I am AFRAID to eat becuase I think it will make me fat, or anything. I am just TIRED of food, and everything related to it. For the past 2 months, I've eliminated all dairy, wheat, eggs, bananas, most beans, and malt. That's ALOT of foods. What was left was pretty slim pickin's (if you'll pardon the pun). Not only that, I've been downing 47 supplements daily, which has done a great job of filling up my pouch, leaving me un-hungry much of the day. My typical day of food has consisted of: Breakfast--oatmeal or corn porridge made with almond milk, with flaxseed and fiber powder mixed in, chicken or pork sausage (gotta get in that protein), and sometimes a fruit. AM snack--when I was still doing this (I stopped about 2 weeks ago due to lack of hunger and appetite), I was eating 2 ounces of turkey, and a fruit. Now that fruit is at breakfast. Lunch--9 days out of 10, it's been a chopped salad of celery, carrot, yellow pepper and tomato, with either tuna, salmon, shrimp, or chicken, with honey mustard dressing, and either a baked potato, barley or rice with butter, or the occasional treat of organic tortilla chips (one food I actually still enjoy) If I didn't have fruit yet, I have it at lunch. Afternoon snack--also getting uncommon these days for the same reason, an apple and 2T of mixed nuts, Dinner--salmon, chicken, turkey, or beef cooked in some boring manner, some peas or green beans (or a V8), and another starch from the list at lunch. OR, a still-somewhat pleasant option of sauce made from 10 different veggies with turkey, beef, and turkey sausuage, served over rice. Evening snack--granola, the nuts if I didn't have them earlier, and raisins. This is the ONLY meal/snack I still enjoy every day, but it's getting harder and harder to eat becuase I'm really not hungry.
All my life I've been told "don't eat unless you're hungry", "stop eating as soon as you are full", etc. Well, now, I'm concentrating so hard on getting in 90 grams of protein a day, and 25+ grams of fiber a day, and 1400-1600 calories a day (it was 1500-1700 until today...), not to mention the 47 supplements, that I was NEVER hungry, usually stuffed, and totally lacking in appetite.
So, today I went to see a new nutritionist. She is my new best friend. For starters, she eliminated most of my supplements, changed a few, and kept a few. Many were changed from huge horse pills to chewables, that can actually be absorbed in my pounch, rather than going right down the toilet. I haven't done the new count yet, but I know it's alot better, and since many of the ones I still have are chewable or sublingual, they won't take up any space. Next, she gave me a TON of ideas for foods. She also convinced me to try soy protein powder. I am not making any promises, becuase when I've tried it before I hated it, and my tummy has never been a big fan of soy. But she gave me a smoothie recipe I am willing to try, with soy powder, almond milk, blueberries, pineapple, and ice. Who knows, I might almost like it. And if not, it's 8-10 ounces, and I can drink that right up (or down...) She also gave me other guidelines, like which supplements to take with others, or away from others. I have to get 90 grams of protein daily. Well, the smoothie would give me 26. I can't drink while I eat. I knew that, but what are you gonna do when you have a big handful of supplements to take? So, now I'll take the few remaining ones 30 minutes AFTER I eat.
I called the doctor up at Canyon Ranch to schedule a consult with him about the changes, my new labs, and the hope of resuming at least SOME dairy and wheat. He is away all this week, but I will talk to him next Monday. My labs are a mess. For some odd reason (idiocy, perhaps?), my friends at LabCorp ran DOUBLE tests on several things. I had 2 doctors prescriptions, and there were some overlaps (one from my PCP, one from my bariatric surgeon). So what do they do? They run 2 CBCs, 2 Vitamin D levels, etc. And I'm willing to bet that my lovely HMO is not gonna pay for those! Great, just what I need. Anyway, some test I never heard of is giving me dire warnings that if my levels stay low for 3 months it means I have CKD. Huh? What's CKD? Only thing I can think of is Chronic Kidney Disease, and my kidneys are just fine, thank you very much. My iron saturation is so low that they put an ALERT message on it. This is after 3 or 4 IV iron infusions. Guess I'll be getting some more of those... Oh, and one Vitamin D level is only 2/3 of the low end of normal, while the other is at the high end of normal. From the same blood, the same day, the same time. If my labs are to be believed, I should probably expect to be dead within days. Of course, I don't necessarily believe them. I mean, they reported one blood glucose as 85 (which is about right for me), and the other as 107, which is high enough to concern anyone regarding insulin resistance, diabetes, etc. Well, duh, turns out the 107 was drawn the next day at the hematologist's office, NON FASTING, so it's normal, but it was listed as a fasting glucose.
In other news, I got the name and number of an orthopedist at the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. He specializes in knee replacements, specifically complicated cases and difficult revisions. Umm, yeah, that would be me. So I'll call him tomorrow and see when I can get in to see him. I rescheduled my CT scan too. I'm going Thursday, with or without approval from my HMO. I may have to pay for it out of pocket (and it's not cheap), but darn it, I need this test, and I'm going to have it! I'll fight them for the money later. (I mean seriously, what moron declines a CT scan for someone in my situation?) I wish to God I could find different insurance that wasn't insanely expensive. (yeah, me and how many million other Americans?) So, anyway, tomorrow is scale day. I have no idea what to expect. I've been feeling thinner, which means I will probably gain 3 pounds. I know, that makes no sense, but it's usually how it goes. Also, with 3 straight weeks of 4 pound losses, I'm due for a letdown. Not being a pessimist here, just a realist. And really, it's a number. Nothing more. I KNOW I'm doing the right things. One small (?) concern I do have is that yesterday when I was walking around the camp where I'd taken my daughter for an interview, we were going up some hills, and I got very tired, and more than a bit winded. This is not usual for me. Granted, neither is climbing hills, but still, I don't get winded at the gym when I'm working out for 45 minutes or more, why would a short walk up the hill be so hard? I wonder if it's related to my low hemoglobin (which shows the oxygen carrying ability of the red blood cells). Could be. Just want to be sure it isn't related to the sky high cardiac CRP levels I'm showing. Like I said, dead within days according to my labs.
Well, 110 days until Scotland. After that, I can die happy, having realized my life-long dream. My knee can give out, my body can refuse to do anything, just not until after August 6.
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