April 5, 2008 Climbing Up Out Of The Pit

Hard to believe I haven't written here in 11 days. It's been a loooooonnnnnnnggggg week. Seems like juggling 37 flaming batons wasn't enough, so I had to try juggling about 137. Eventually it felt like they were raining down on me, leaving me ducking for cover. It just kept coming and coming and coming. Here's the Readers Digest version:

1) my daughter is living in an alternate universe. In her world, everything is as she wishes it to be. This week, she has a 2nd cell phone--a golden Razor that cost $500,000. And she met her boyfriend in the park. And we spent last week in Turks and Caicos (just her and me, we left Danny home with his father.) OK, NONE of that is true, obviously, but this is what she is telling people. And while they may believe alot of it, the cell phone is over the top, and now everyone is laughing at her and calling her a liar. The really scary part is that I truly do not think she can distinguish from reality and fantasy. She asked me the other day if Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet drowned on the Titanic or if they survived. She doesn't GET that they were in a MOVIE, not on the actual ship...

2) My dear son seems to believe that he is KING of not only his sister's universe, but also the real one that the rest of us live in. I have been cursed at, ordered around, and treated with an utter lack of respect for so long, and nothing works. Now he has started doing it to my mother. OOOOOOHHHHHH NO! We do NOT go there!!! So I asked his father to let him stay there for awhile. Well, he's still here. 'nuff said. But we both read him the riot act, and I told him he has NO priveleges, effective immediately, unless I decide he has earned them by good behavior. I stopped his guitar lessons. I was going to stop his cooking classes, but we have to go anyway with Laura, so he'll stay--for now. And starting Monday, he will go to afterschool care until 6 pm except on days where he has counseling or cooking. That will give me a break from him, and also eliminate the "I'm done with my homework, why can't I have unlimited time on the computer/Wii/PSP/TV, etc?" So, now he has NONE of that.

3) my ex is a total jerk. (see above)

4) On Monday, I saw the surgeon about the "bump" in front of me. He ordered a CT scan. It was scheduled for yesterday. My dear insurance company denied it! what the ???

5) As I think I mentioned, that same surgeon has informed me that I need a skin graft to close this 5 year old draining abdominal wound.

6) That surgery will require 5 days in the hospital.

7) My hematologist is scratching his head because even though my ferritin levels are normal (whatever THAT means), my iron level is still too low, and I am still VERY anemic. So the IV iron isn't doing what it supposed to do. Why? Maybe because of the open wound (see #5)

8) my psycho dog has become a thief! Every day we leave him in the mudroom, and he has his little doggie door so he can go in and out as he pleases, and the backyard is fenced so he can't go beyond that. Well, he's been taking shoes, coats, etc from the mudroom and bringing them out through his door and leaving them all over the back yard! He has destroyed a sweater and a sweatshirt of mine, and yesterday he took Danny's new sneakers out in the rain and they are saturated!

9) I spent 5 hours at the dentist Tuesday, under sedation. The aftereffects were not pleasant this time--very tired and groggy, but also just "off". AND my teeth hurt where he worked on them, I still can't chew on the right side, and I have to take antibiotics for 10 days which make me nauseous!

10) And the best of all, the straw that broke the camel's back. I went to see the ortho that did my knee replacements 13.5 years ago. The one that has said at EVERY annual visit "they look as good as the day I put them in!", and told me we don't know how long they will last, they could last forever, but they still look great, has now told me that they have learned that the plastic parts (knee cap and others) BREAK DOWN AND TAKE THE BONE WITH THEM!!!!!!!!! And that you don't know when this is happening. Sometimes you get pain (which I AM), sometimes not, but if you wait too long, you can blow out your knee like you blow a tire. And then they open it up and find that the bone is gone too. WHAT???? He says I'm walking on borrowed time--they hoped for 10 years and it's going on 14. HUH??? This is news to me. Anyway, now it seems that I need two Total Knee Replacements, and I need them like, in a year. If the pain gets worse, I have to call him. If not, next spring we will set up for the surgeries (yes, that's plural, 2 knees=2 surgeries--I am NOT doing them both at the same time like i did before!)

This is SOOOOOO not the life I signed up for!!

By Wednesday I was a mess. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I wanted to run away and join the circus! I couldn't talk to anyone, I was too miserable. Which set my BFF into a tizzy, because she wanted to come rescue me (oh, if only she could!!), so then I had to worry about HER too!! I went to my PCP and when she walked in the door, she stopped dead in her tracks and asked "what on earth happened to you?!" To which I responded by bursting into tears! She said she just saw me a week or so ago and I was the happiest person on earth, and now the total opposite. So, after a long discussion, she started me on Prozac. A low dose, but she said it should help the anxiety and irritability along with the depression. (I was really a raving rhymes with witch--ready to bite off the head of anyone who was foolish enough to get that close!)

Sooo, the update. Danny has been pretty much an angel since Wednesday night. Laura is still happily traveling in her alternate universe, but to the best of my knowledge, from the time she got up this morning until she left for Sylvan 45 minutes later, she didn't tell a single lie!! The dog has been sorely chastised, and nothing has been missing today...yet. And me? Well, lets just say I'm getting used to the idea of what's to come, and I'm looking into where I can go for a 2nd (and maybe 3rd) opinion on the knee issue. I am calmer. I am feeling pretty normal (whatever MY normal is, anyway) And what has had the biggest impact on that change? Just a chat I was having with my physical therapist yesterday, talking about summer vacations. I just realized that, my entire world may be falling apart around me,I may have 500 flaming batons to juggle, but in only 112 days, I AM GOING TO SCOTLAND!!!!

See, it's all a matter of perspective!!

So, I took advantage of no kids and BEAUTIFUL weather, and went for a long walk in the park. Home for lunch, ice on the knee, and some Spark time, and then I'm off to WalMart for a much needed pedicure. (Yup, our WalMart does nails!!)

So nice to be back in the land of the living. Although Laura's alternate universe is looking pretty good--just think, I'd have an intact abdomen, healthy knees, AND thin thighs!! Hmmmm, she may have the right idea here...And the good news is that the scale at least has been nice to me--4.2 pounds this week. It's just falling off of me!