2 months certainly makes a difference.
2 months ago (well, a little more, actually), I was following my food plan faithfully. I was working out 6 days a week. I was succeeding! I actually got to the point where I was ONE pound from my goal of 175.
Then it all started to unravel. First, I had an abcessed tooth. I couldn't chew anything, so I was living on pudding, ice cream, and other mushy foods (kinda hard to do high protein when you can't chew!) Still, I managed to lose, probably since I was not eating much at all. I also wasn't exercising, since I felt so horrible, and was spending lots of time at the dentist. I was probably losing muscle, not fat, but at least the scale was going down.
I got over that hurdle and it was time for my knee replacement...but wait, there's MORE! The day before my scheduled surgery, I came down with a wicked case of bronchitis. Surgery was cancelled. Too sick to exercise, too tired to do much of anything, and my eating caught up with me as I gained 5 pounds.
Surgery was rescheduled for February 18, and was a great success. Rehab went well. I came home a week and a half ago. But although I am faithfully doing my knee exercises twice a day (which is really strength training, not cardio, but at least it's exercise!), my food has only gotten worse! I've tried several times to eat my "normal" healthy breakfast, but somehow my tummy doesn't seem to like it.
Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again! I've been avoiding the scale, but I know it's up, since my undies are fitting a bit tight. It's time to do something about it. I can't go back to the gym yet, but I CAN fix the food!
Will it be easy? Nope, not nearly as easy as it was to fall back into old bad habits. But I know I CAN do it, and so I WILL do it.
Turning it all over to God, since I know I am useless at this stuff. He is the one who got me this far, so He will get me to the finish line.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
March 1, 2008 The Bionic Woman
Well, it's done. My knee replacement was a great success! All my hard work leading up to it paid off big time.
After the 3 week delay from bronchitis, I had surgery on Wednesday, February 18. I had sedation and an epidural, rather than general anesthesia. What a difference that makes! I need not have worried about the epidural, it was no problem, and it worked like a charm! I had absolutely no pain, becuase I couldn't feel my legs at all! The day after surgery they wanted to stand me up, but I couldn't feel my feet, so I just dangled at the bedside. The second night, I woke up in pain, and pushing the button for more medicine in the epidural did nothing. turned out the epidural had fallen out! Fortunately, some Percocet and a shot of Dilaudid took care of the pain and I was fine.
By the time I left the hospital on Saturday, I had more flexion in my knee than before surgery! I could also walk short distances with a walker. I had a great roommate at the hospital, which made it nice. And the hospital was awesome! Top notch in every way!
I arrived at rehab Saturday afternoon. My new roommate was 85 years old, but I'd never have guessed it. I thought mid-60s. She was a hoot! We had a great time together and I really enjoyed her. I started PT on Monday and worked my tail off. and what was impossible Monday was difficult Tuesday and almost easy Wednesday! They kicked me out on Thursday becuase I was doing so well--2 days early!
I am home now and walking with a cane. Pain is minimal. I am taking Percocet twice a day, before I do my exercises. I sleep very well back in my own bed! The nurse from the VNA came today to set up service. I'll have a home health aide 3 times a week to help with a shower (after the staplses come out). I'll have PT at home 3 times a week. The nurse will come draw blood twice a week while I'm on Coumadin (1 month). And the staples will come out Tuesday. I had planned to go to the doctor tomorrow to have them out, but since we are expecting 6-9 inches of snow, I won't be going anywhere!
They weighed me when I got to rehab and I freaked out to see 197 on the scale! Then I realized I am SO full of fluid! My legs are quite puffy. They have gone down alot since then, and I am down 10 pounds or so, but I still have a way to go. My appetite is quite decreased, which helps. Hopefully I will soon be back on program in all ways. In the meantime, I am SOOOO grateful for every pound I lost, for every leg exercise I did in preparation for surgery, and for the wonderful surgeon I had. These things combined to make this a great success. I will do the right knee in the fall, and my Mom will do hers at the same time so we can be roommates at the hospital and rehab! I will be working hard to get my leg strong before surgery (not too far to go now!), and if all goes well, I will be riding a bicycle next spring!!
After the 3 week delay from bronchitis, I had surgery on Wednesday, February 18. I had sedation and an epidural, rather than general anesthesia. What a difference that makes! I need not have worried about the epidural, it was no problem, and it worked like a charm! I had absolutely no pain, becuase I couldn't feel my legs at all! The day after surgery they wanted to stand me up, but I couldn't feel my feet, so I just dangled at the bedside. The second night, I woke up in pain, and pushing the button for more medicine in the epidural did nothing. turned out the epidural had fallen out! Fortunately, some Percocet and a shot of Dilaudid took care of the pain and I was fine.
By the time I left the hospital on Saturday, I had more flexion in my knee than before surgery! I could also walk short distances with a walker. I had a great roommate at the hospital, which made it nice. And the hospital was awesome! Top notch in every way!
I arrived at rehab Saturday afternoon. My new roommate was 85 years old, but I'd never have guessed it. I thought mid-60s. She was a hoot! We had a great time together and I really enjoyed her. I started PT on Monday and worked my tail off. and what was impossible Monday was difficult Tuesday and almost easy Wednesday! They kicked me out on Thursday becuase I was doing so well--2 days early!
I am home now and walking with a cane. Pain is minimal. I am taking Percocet twice a day, before I do my exercises. I sleep very well back in my own bed! The nurse from the VNA came today to set up service. I'll have a home health aide 3 times a week to help with a shower (after the staplses come out). I'll have PT at home 3 times a week. The nurse will come draw blood twice a week while I'm on Coumadin (1 month). And the staples will come out Tuesday. I had planned to go to the doctor tomorrow to have them out, but since we are expecting 6-9 inches of snow, I won't be going anywhere!
They weighed me when I got to rehab and I freaked out to see 197 on the scale! Then I realized I am SO full of fluid! My legs are quite puffy. They have gone down alot since then, and I am down 10 pounds or so, but I still have a way to go. My appetite is quite decreased, which helps. Hopefully I will soon be back on program in all ways. In the meantime, I am SOOOO grateful for every pound I lost, for every leg exercise I did in preparation for surgery, and for the wonderful surgeon I had. These things combined to make this a great success. I will do the right knee in the fall, and my Mom will do hers at the same time so we can be roommates at the hospital and rehab! I will be working hard to get my leg strong before surgery (not too far to go now!), and if all goes well, I will be riding a bicycle next spring!!
February 8, 2009 Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
Enough already! I haven't felt right since January 2nd! We're talking over 5 weeks of this garbage.
First it was the tooth abcess. Then the bronchitis. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm exhausted. Any movement at all makes me dizzy and lightheaded. I get short of breath walking across the room. My heart races like mad sometimes--yesterday I clocked it at 135!!! (Heck, I don't get that high during most workouts) in between, I've had some serious nausea, and a couple episodes of barfing. I have had it with this feeling crummy.
I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'd give anything to be able to hop on the elliptical right now, but I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I nearly passed out in church today, and when I made it outside to the fresh air, my breakfast came back up. I came home afterwards and slept for an hour and a half. My "lunch" was a little bit of juice and some goldfish crackers--all I could handle at that point.
I have to go to NYC Wednesday for my 2nd try at pre-admission testing. I'm not even sure they'll clear me for surgery, which is now scheduled for February 18. Am I ready? Could I handle the surgery right now? I honestly don't know. I saw my doctor on Thursday and she ordered some lab work, so we'll see how that comes back. With my luck, I'll find out I'm more anemic than usual, and they'll refuse to do the surgery regardless of how I feel.
Despite the lack of exercise, and the fact that my food is a mess, I've continued to lose weight. Probably becuase I'm losing muscle, which is NOT a good thing. I feel like I've lost all the progress I had made in the past year as far as stamina and strength. I'll probably have to start over from scratch when I finally do get back to the gym.
The other day I tried to eat my normal breakfast, the one I eat every single day most of the time. I couldn't finish it. I can eat only a little at a time, and the food that goes down easiest is not the food that's best for me. I've graduated from pudding and ice cream to PB&J and York Peppermint Patties.
So, how do I get my mojo back? How do I climb back on the wagon, when I feel so crummy? And who do I see about getting a "do-over" for 2009 so far?
First it was the tooth abcess. Then the bronchitis. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm exhausted. Any movement at all makes me dizzy and lightheaded. I get short of breath walking across the room. My heart races like mad sometimes--yesterday I clocked it at 135!!! (Heck, I don't get that high during most workouts) in between, I've had some serious nausea, and a couple episodes of barfing. I have had it with this feeling crummy.
I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'd give anything to be able to hop on the elliptical right now, but I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I nearly passed out in church today, and when I made it outside to the fresh air, my breakfast came back up. I came home afterwards and slept for an hour and a half. My "lunch" was a little bit of juice and some goldfish crackers--all I could handle at that point.
I have to go to NYC Wednesday for my 2nd try at pre-admission testing. I'm not even sure they'll clear me for surgery, which is now scheduled for February 18. Am I ready? Could I handle the surgery right now? I honestly don't know. I saw my doctor on Thursday and she ordered some lab work, so we'll see how that comes back. With my luck, I'll find out I'm more anemic than usual, and they'll refuse to do the surgery regardless of how I feel.
Despite the lack of exercise, and the fact that my food is a mess, I've continued to lose weight. Probably becuase I'm losing muscle, which is NOT a good thing. I feel like I've lost all the progress I had made in the past year as far as stamina and strength. I'll probably have to start over from scratch when I finally do get back to the gym.
The other day I tried to eat my normal breakfast, the one I eat every single day most of the time. I couldn't finish it. I can eat only a little at a time, and the food that goes down easiest is not the food that's best for me. I've graduated from pudding and ice cream to PB&J and York Peppermint Patties.
So, how do I get my mojo back? How do I climb back on the wagon, when I feel so crummy? And who do I see about getting a "do-over" for 2009 so far?
January 27, 2009 25 Surgeries And Never A Sniffle
And it looks like the "streak" has ended.
I've been having a rough few weeks, with an abcessed tooth that has kept me in pain and unable to eat solid foods. My food plan has fallen apart, exercise has been almost non-existant (due to pain, oral surgery, pain meds, and overwhelming fatigue)
I've been scheduled for knee replacement surgery this Thursday in NYC, since mid Decemberr. I've been working on the scheduling for my kids, packing healthy foods to bring to the hospital and rehab, coordinating the whole thing.
And now I seem to have come down with the flu. I have a fever of 101.3*, raw throat, raspy, chesty cough, nausea, body aches from head to toe, no appetite, and chills--can't seem to get warm no matter what. (where's a hot flash when I really need it??)
So obviously there will be no surgery for me this week. The plan was to come home from rehab the day before my son's birthday, so the delay will have to be at least 2 weeks to accommodate being home for that. Not like they're likely to want to do anything sooner anyway--probably going to be 3 weeks out at least.
So much for the best laid plans, and the vacation scheduled for Easter break.
I am SO not liking 2009...
I've been having a rough few weeks, with an abcessed tooth that has kept me in pain and unable to eat solid foods. My food plan has fallen apart, exercise has been almost non-existant (due to pain, oral surgery, pain meds, and overwhelming fatigue)
I've been scheduled for knee replacement surgery this Thursday in NYC, since mid Decemberr. I've been working on the scheduling for my kids, packing healthy foods to bring to the hospital and rehab, coordinating the whole thing.
And now I seem to have come down with the flu. I have a fever of 101.3*, raw throat, raspy, chesty cough, nausea, body aches from head to toe, no appetite, and chills--can't seem to get warm no matter what. (where's a hot flash when I really need it??)
So obviously there will be no surgery for me this week. The plan was to come home from rehab the day before my son's birthday, so the delay will have to be at least 2 weeks to accommodate being home for that. Not like they're likely to want to do anything sooner anyway--probably going to be 3 weeks out at least.
So much for the best laid plans, and the vacation scheduled for Easter break.
I am SO not liking 2009...
January 24, 2009 Climbing Out From Under The Rock
I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. The fog seems to be lifting, albeit slowly. The pain in my mouth is 95% gone. I still can't open my mouth very far, but I'm hoping warm compresses will help.
Yesterday I had planned to go to the pool, but my appointment at the Oral Surgeon ran long, and it was just too easy to turn around and go home. I didn't waste the morning though--went to the grocery store and did my major shopping for all the pre-surgery cooking. Glad I don't have a grocery bill like that every week!
From there I went to my Bible Study. It always makes me feel better. The girls in my group are awesome, and they just seem to say and do exactly what I need to cheer up. After that, I went and met an old friend for lunch. We reconnected on SparkPeople! It was wonderful to see her again and catch up. So many parallels in our lives---it's nice to talk to someone who really "gets it".
Last night, I had some girls from church over for a game night. We played Scattergories and Boggle. We had a blast! Again, so nice to have that fellowship and fun with people who understand me.
Anyway, I think it was all just what the doctor ordered. Today I got up early, went to the gym to meet with my trainer and climb on the elliptical. Wow, I got out of shape FAST!! Had to tone down both the elliptical and the treadmill, and also use a lighter weight for a couple of exercises. YIKES! And only 5 days til surgery to get it together!
Came home from the gym and started cooking. And cooking. And cooking. 5 hours of non-stop chopping, mixing, browning, stirring. When I finally sat down I thought I would never get up again! But I put 20 servings of spinach lasagna, 14 servings of Spaghetti Pie, and 20 servings of veggie and meat sauce into my freezer! Tomorrow I will make 4 Chicken Pot Pies. Along with all the chili, soup, and other foods that are already in the freezer, I think we have enough for nearly 2 months of meals! I don't think we have to worry about going hungry while I'm recovering!
Tomorrow is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. And SUPPOSEDLY my dear sister and her family will grace us with their presence for dinner. (I'll believe it when I see it...) AND today my dad called and asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital Thursday for surgery! Wow, where did THAT come from?? (No doubt from Mom, who is the one I ranted to about the whole subject) I told him Tracey is taking me, and so he asked about coming up to visit. He probably can't come up on the weekend (gotta go to wrestling...), but he thinks he can come up on Friday. So that would be nice. And the girls from church are looking into taking a field trip up to visit over the weekend, which would be awesome. So maybe I won't be totally alone up there.
Best news of all is that I called the rehab center and they DO take HSS patients. AND they have reserved a bed for me! I didn't know they could or would do that, but the nice lady offered and I said SURE!! So they are expecting me the Monday after surgery, and at least that's one issue I dont' have to worry about.
Yup, things are definitely looking up. The smile is back on my face. Now, if I could just get my food back on track, I'd be cooking with gas!!
Yesterday I had planned to go to the pool, but my appointment at the Oral Surgeon ran long, and it was just too easy to turn around and go home. I didn't waste the morning though--went to the grocery store and did my major shopping for all the pre-surgery cooking. Glad I don't have a grocery bill like that every week!
From there I went to my Bible Study. It always makes me feel better. The girls in my group are awesome, and they just seem to say and do exactly what I need to cheer up. After that, I went and met an old friend for lunch. We reconnected on SparkPeople! It was wonderful to see her again and catch up. So many parallels in our lives---it's nice to talk to someone who really "gets it".
Last night, I had some girls from church over for a game night. We played Scattergories and Boggle. We had a blast! Again, so nice to have that fellowship and fun with people who understand me.
Anyway, I think it was all just what the doctor ordered. Today I got up early, went to the gym to meet with my trainer and climb on the elliptical. Wow, I got out of shape FAST!! Had to tone down both the elliptical and the treadmill, and also use a lighter weight for a couple of exercises. YIKES! And only 5 days til surgery to get it together!
Came home from the gym and started cooking. And cooking. And cooking. 5 hours of non-stop chopping, mixing, browning, stirring. When I finally sat down I thought I would never get up again! But I put 20 servings of spinach lasagna, 14 servings of Spaghetti Pie, and 20 servings of veggie and meat sauce into my freezer! Tomorrow I will make 4 Chicken Pot Pies. Along with all the chili, soup, and other foods that are already in the freezer, I think we have enough for nearly 2 months of meals! I don't think we have to worry about going hungry while I'm recovering!
Tomorrow is Sunday, my favorite day of the week. And SUPPOSEDLY my dear sister and her family will grace us with their presence for dinner. (I'll believe it when I see it...) AND today my dad called and asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital Thursday for surgery! Wow, where did THAT come from?? (No doubt from Mom, who is the one I ranted to about the whole subject) I told him Tracey is taking me, and so he asked about coming up to visit. He probably can't come up on the weekend (gotta go to wrestling...), but he thinks he can come up on Friday. So that would be nice. And the girls from church are looking into taking a field trip up to visit over the weekend, which would be awesome. So maybe I won't be totally alone up there.
Best news of all is that I called the rehab center and they DO take HSS patients. AND they have reserved a bed for me! I didn't know they could or would do that, but the nice lady offered and I said SURE!! So they are expecting me the Monday after surgery, and at least that's one issue I dont' have to worry about.
Yup, things are definitely looking up. The smile is back on my face. Now, if I could just get my food back on track, I'd be cooking with gas!!
January 22, 2009 (Warning--LONG!!)
I wish someone would explain to me why it is that the people who are supposed to love you the most are the ones that hurt you, and the people you barely know are the ones who make you feel better?
I've been really down lately. The whole tooth mess has taken a toll on me, and even though I got back to the gym yesterday, and will go again tomorrow, my food intake is still way off. Without going into the topic of politics, suffice it to say that Tuesday was a VERY difficult day for me. And my upcoming surgery is looming large. All of this conspires to make me want to just climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and stay there.
Tonite, despite a total lack of desire on my part to do anything that involved leaving my house, I went to the monthy WLS support group meeting at a local hospital. I really didn't want to go, but I'd promised my nutritionist (who leads the group) to put in an appearance. I'm so glad I went. Somehow, I always come away with so much from these meetings. For starters, I ALWAYS learn something new. Tonite I heard about some supplements that might help me, as well as the fact that one of my meds should be taken in chewable form, not the capsules I've taken for years.
But more than that, I have learned that sharing my story, and my success, with others actually does more for ME than it does for them. Hearing a bunch of people tell me I'm an inspiration is great for my ego. Having a woman tell me that I was the reason she went ahead and had her surgery despite the fears--well, that just blew me away! Especially as I tried to figure out who the heck she was. It wasn't until she passed around her before picture that I recognized her from the meetings last spring--she's lost about 75 pounds and looks SO different!
As I spoke to a woman who will have her surgery on Tuesday, I realized that I do have something important to offer. I am a successful long term post-op patient! I've been where they are. I've done what they are doing. And I've succeeded. That gives them hope that they can succeed too, which of course, they can! I also get to tell them about SparkPeople and what a great help it's been to me. One of the girls in the group is on Sparks, and agreed with my great endorsement of the site.
I walked out with others from the group, chatting as we headed to our cars. I promised to pray for Dale, having her surgery on Tuesday. I said goodbye and assured them that I will be at the March meeting. And I will, because I NEED to be there. To give and receive encouragement and support that is so important for my success.
On the way home, I talked to my mom on the phone. We were talking about my sister, and I got very upset. My sister lives in Turkey. We are very close--at least I THOUGHT we were. When I scheduled my surgery for next week, and knew that she would be coming to the States in January or February, I asked if she could come and stay with me for a few days after surgery to help out. She agreed, and told me she would be here until the 11th or 12th. I sent her an email asking if she could extend that to the 15th. She didn't respond, and I didn't think about it again.
Until I got her travel plans and learned that she is NOT staying until the 12th, she's going back on the 5th! Before I even get out of rehab! So much for her promise to come stay with me for a few days. So, um, now what do I do? My kids are 12 and 13--they can't take care of me. I really, really do NOT want to hire a live-in helper. My kids don't like that, and neither do I. And I don't need constant help anyway. My mom will come for a night or 2, IF there is no snow or ice. She has serious orthopedic issues, and will not leave her house if there is any chance she might slip and fall (which she did several years ago and destroyed her rotator cuff). I understand this.
Anyway, my sister arrived on Saturday. On Sunday I went and spent the day with her. On Monday she came down here to get her stuff from my storage unit (she's rented one of her own), and to get her packages from my dining room, where they've been piling up for months. (she always oreders a ton of stuff online, and has it sent here). We had a nice visit, and she went back to her hotel near my parents' house. We had found a cute little Middle Eastern restaurant here in town, and made plans for lunch this Sunday with her husband and kids (who arrived tonite). My kids have been so excited to see Uncle Toni and their cousins, and keep asking when they will see them.
Well, they won't. I got an email from my dad today inviting us for Sunday brunch, which we can't do because it's during church, and I sing on the Praise Team, so I am committed to be there. Apparently my sister is having Turkish guests for the weekend and they have to leave on Sunday afternoon, so they decided to do brunch so they could all get together. Umm, hello? What happened to our lunch plans? Why am I hearing this from my dad instead of my sister? And how the heck do I tell my kids? "Gee, sorry, I guess we just aren't important enough. They flew 5000 miles to come to NJ, but they just don't have time to come the last 20 miles." Apparently their guests are coming tomorrow, so the entire weekend is taken up with that. Monday my kids are in school all day, and my daughter has an orthodontist appointment at night (which I rescheduled from this week so I could see my sister!) And they leave Tuesday for Punta Cana. Yes, while I'm having major surgery, my sister will be sunning herself on a tropical beach. They come back the following Monday, and return to Turkey that Thursday. I don't imagine there will be time to visit me at rehab, since the last few days are always a frenzy of shopping. And even if they do manage to find time to see me, my children won't be there! They will be here at home, staying with their father. Which means they will not see their uncle and cousins this trip.
So I've just been thrown aside. And that hurts. A lot. But now my kids have been thrown aside too. And that makes me MAD! Poop all over my head if you have to, but don't you mess with my babies!
I don't really know how to handle this. I have no desire to discuss it with my sister, since I hate confrontation of any time. All I know is, it's making me want to eat chocolate. I did have a few M&Ms, but they just turned my stomach. Maybe that's a good thing.
It just occurred to me that maybe all of this is becuase my sister is jealous. She's always been the skinny sisiter, usually by 200 pounds or more. But now she outweighs me by 50 pounds or so. Her husband said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I know she is sensitive about her weight. Growing up, she was not very nice to me about my weight. I would NEVER do that to her. I have avoided any gloating, commenting, or anything that could be seen as "lording it over her". I've even held back on sharing some of my success with her, in an effort to not offend her. But maybe she really can't handle my success, which maybe she sees more as her failure. I don't know.
So anyway, surgery is a week away. I have so much to do to get ready. Shopping, cooking, packing, rearrangeing. Getting myself mentally prepared. Making sure the kids are taken care of with their activites. Meanwhile, Tracey will go with me to surgery, as usual. She will be the one in the waiting room. She will be the one getting me settled into my room after recovery. She will be the one who stays overnight so she can see me again the next day before heading home--to take my kids for the weekend. Thank GOD for Tracey! If not for her, I'd be doing this whole thing alone. As it is, I will have no visitors after the first day after surgery, until I get to rehab. NYC is just too far and too inconvenient for my family to get to. (They are a little over an hour away) The plan is for me to do rehab in the town where my parents and Tracey live. At least that way they can visit. If I can't go there for rehab, I will likely be far enough away that I will not have visitors the entire week, with the possible exception of Tracey. That would be the pits.
It's taken years for me to learn how to ask for, and accept, help from others. I was always the strong one. I could take care of myself. I was always the one to do for others, to help whenever it was needed. Tracey finally pointed out that it was pretty selfish of me to deny others the pleasure of helping me! So now I ASKED for help. And the door was closed in my face.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe a little. I just know that if someone in my family was having this surgery, I'd move heaven and earth to be there for them. I'd open my home to them for recovery (more practical than having to leave my kids--I'm a single mom afer all!) I'd do whatever it took. Am I not worth the same?
I've been really down lately. The whole tooth mess has taken a toll on me, and even though I got back to the gym yesterday, and will go again tomorrow, my food intake is still way off. Without going into the topic of politics, suffice it to say that Tuesday was a VERY difficult day for me. And my upcoming surgery is looming large. All of this conspires to make me want to just climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and stay there.
Tonite, despite a total lack of desire on my part to do anything that involved leaving my house, I went to the monthy WLS support group meeting at a local hospital. I really didn't want to go, but I'd promised my nutritionist (who leads the group) to put in an appearance. I'm so glad I went. Somehow, I always come away with so much from these meetings. For starters, I ALWAYS learn something new. Tonite I heard about some supplements that might help me, as well as the fact that one of my meds should be taken in chewable form, not the capsules I've taken for years.
But more than that, I have learned that sharing my story, and my success, with others actually does more for ME than it does for them. Hearing a bunch of people tell me I'm an inspiration is great for my ego. Having a woman tell me that I was the reason she went ahead and had her surgery despite the fears--well, that just blew me away! Especially as I tried to figure out who the heck she was. It wasn't until she passed around her before picture that I recognized her from the meetings last spring--she's lost about 75 pounds and looks SO different!
As I spoke to a woman who will have her surgery on Tuesday, I realized that I do have something important to offer. I am a successful long term post-op patient! I've been where they are. I've done what they are doing. And I've succeeded. That gives them hope that they can succeed too, which of course, they can! I also get to tell them about SparkPeople and what a great help it's been to me. One of the girls in the group is on Sparks, and agreed with my great endorsement of the site.
I walked out with others from the group, chatting as we headed to our cars. I promised to pray for Dale, having her surgery on Tuesday. I said goodbye and assured them that I will be at the March meeting. And I will, because I NEED to be there. To give and receive encouragement and support that is so important for my success.
On the way home, I talked to my mom on the phone. We were talking about my sister, and I got very upset. My sister lives in Turkey. We are very close--at least I THOUGHT we were. When I scheduled my surgery for next week, and knew that she would be coming to the States in January or February, I asked if she could come and stay with me for a few days after surgery to help out. She agreed, and told me she would be here until the 11th or 12th. I sent her an email asking if she could extend that to the 15th. She didn't respond, and I didn't think about it again.
Until I got her travel plans and learned that she is NOT staying until the 12th, she's going back on the 5th! Before I even get out of rehab! So much for her promise to come stay with me for a few days. So, um, now what do I do? My kids are 12 and 13--they can't take care of me. I really, really do NOT want to hire a live-in helper. My kids don't like that, and neither do I. And I don't need constant help anyway. My mom will come for a night or 2, IF there is no snow or ice. She has serious orthopedic issues, and will not leave her house if there is any chance she might slip and fall (which she did several years ago and destroyed her rotator cuff). I understand this.
Anyway, my sister arrived on Saturday. On Sunday I went and spent the day with her. On Monday she came down here to get her stuff from my storage unit (she's rented one of her own), and to get her packages from my dining room, where they've been piling up for months. (she always oreders a ton of stuff online, and has it sent here). We had a nice visit, and she went back to her hotel near my parents' house. We had found a cute little Middle Eastern restaurant here in town, and made plans for lunch this Sunday with her husband and kids (who arrived tonite). My kids have been so excited to see Uncle Toni and their cousins, and keep asking when they will see them.
Well, they won't. I got an email from my dad today inviting us for Sunday brunch, which we can't do because it's during church, and I sing on the Praise Team, so I am committed to be there. Apparently my sister is having Turkish guests for the weekend and they have to leave on Sunday afternoon, so they decided to do brunch so they could all get together. Umm, hello? What happened to our lunch plans? Why am I hearing this from my dad instead of my sister? And how the heck do I tell my kids? "Gee, sorry, I guess we just aren't important enough. They flew 5000 miles to come to NJ, but they just don't have time to come the last 20 miles." Apparently their guests are coming tomorrow, so the entire weekend is taken up with that. Monday my kids are in school all day, and my daughter has an orthodontist appointment at night (which I rescheduled from this week so I could see my sister!) And they leave Tuesday for Punta Cana. Yes, while I'm having major surgery, my sister will be sunning herself on a tropical beach. They come back the following Monday, and return to Turkey that Thursday. I don't imagine there will be time to visit me at rehab, since the last few days are always a frenzy of shopping. And even if they do manage to find time to see me, my children won't be there! They will be here at home, staying with their father. Which means they will not see their uncle and cousins this trip.
So I've just been thrown aside. And that hurts. A lot. But now my kids have been thrown aside too. And that makes me MAD! Poop all over my head if you have to, but don't you mess with my babies!
I don't really know how to handle this. I have no desire to discuss it with my sister, since I hate confrontation of any time. All I know is, it's making me want to eat chocolate. I did have a few M&Ms, but they just turned my stomach. Maybe that's a good thing.
It just occurred to me that maybe all of this is becuase my sister is jealous. She's always been the skinny sisiter, usually by 200 pounds or more. But now she outweighs me by 50 pounds or so. Her husband said I looked like Jennifer Lopez. I know she is sensitive about her weight. Growing up, she was not very nice to me about my weight. I would NEVER do that to her. I have avoided any gloating, commenting, or anything that could be seen as "lording it over her". I've even held back on sharing some of my success with her, in an effort to not offend her. But maybe she really can't handle my success, which maybe she sees more as her failure. I don't know.
So anyway, surgery is a week away. I have so much to do to get ready. Shopping, cooking, packing, rearrangeing. Getting myself mentally prepared. Making sure the kids are taken care of with their activites. Meanwhile, Tracey will go with me to surgery, as usual. She will be the one in the waiting room. She will be the one getting me settled into my room after recovery. She will be the one who stays overnight so she can see me again the next day before heading home--to take my kids for the weekend. Thank GOD for Tracey! If not for her, I'd be doing this whole thing alone. As it is, I will have no visitors after the first day after surgery, until I get to rehab. NYC is just too far and too inconvenient for my family to get to. (They are a little over an hour away) The plan is for me to do rehab in the town where my parents and Tracey live. At least that way they can visit. If I can't go there for rehab, I will likely be far enough away that I will not have visitors the entire week, with the possible exception of Tracey. That would be the pits.
It's taken years for me to learn how to ask for, and accept, help from others. I was always the strong one. I could take care of myself. I was always the one to do for others, to help whenever it was needed. Tracey finally pointed out that it was pretty selfish of me to deny others the pleasure of helping me! So now I ASKED for help. And the door was closed in my face.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe a little. I just know that if someone in my family was having this surgery, I'd move heaven and earth to be there for them. I'd open my home to them for recovery (more practical than having to leave my kids--I'm a single mom afer all!) I'd do whatever it took. Am I not worth the same?
January 21, 2009 Time Away, But NOT A Vacation!
Well, it's been 2 weeks from H-E-double hockey sticks! The tooth saga seemed never-ending. I was away from the gym for 2 entire weeks. I lived on pudding, ice cream, mashed potatoes, noodles, and other soft, calorie dense foods. I gained about 3 or 4 pounds. I sort of crawled into a hole and covered myself up.
The tooth FINALLY came out last Thursday. Of course, then I had the "after pain" to deal with, which honestly wasn't much less than the tooth pain! I was eating Motrin like candy, supplemented with Percocet, which kept me loopier than usual. Add in the antibiotic and it was a recipe for nausea. Oh, and did I mention the allergic reaction? Yup, after my first visit to the Oral Surgeon, to have a drain put in and done under IV sedation, I developed a wicked case of hives! What caused it? The IV meds? The antibiotic? Stress? We finally narrowed it down to either a freak delayed reaction to one of the IV meds, or, more likely, a stress reaction. In any event, it has not recurred.
On Monday, I ate yogurt and applesauce for breakfast, and felt something weird in my mouth. Whatever it was, it's gone now. And my mouth feels MUCH better! Haven't needed a Percocet since then. The rough edges that were there are gone. I suspect something may have happened to the socket graft that was done to prepare for a future implant, but I'll find out when I see the OS for a followup on Friday. Meanwhile, my mouth and I are alot happier!
Last night I went out for dinner. I've been saying for several days that I am SO sick of pudding and ice cream, and I'd give my right arm for a salad. Well, a salad came with my dinner, so I decided to try it. I did ok too! Ahhh, that boring little plate of lettuce with a couple of anemic tomatoes was pure heaven. So I decided I should be able to start eating normally. (The issue has been that I can't open my mouth all the way because my jaw is so sore from being pried open for the oral surgery. And I'm not used to chewing on my right side, since the teeth don't align correctly and I usually just chew on the left. So eating harder foods has been pretty much impossible.) Anyway, I'm trying to transition back to normal eating. Don't know that I'll be munching granola or an apple anytime soon, but I'll do the best I can!
The most exciting part is that I finally went back to the gym today! Took my Aqua Boot Camp class and loved every awful minute of it! Everyone had missed me and was so glad to see me, which felt great, and even tho the pool was freezing, I just felt SO good to be there! So today I get to log some fitness minutes. WooHoo!!
Knee surgery is a week from tomorrow. I have to go up for all my pre-admission work tomorrow--I'm so glad it's going to be a "balmy" 40 degrees, instead of the teens and 20s we've been dealing with. I won't be able to get to the gym, but I will get to do alot of walking around in NYC so that will be OK. Meanwhile, the mad scramble to get ready for surgery has begun. I'll be cooking up a storm over the weekend so I will have plenty of meals frozen and ready to reheat when I get home. Have to pack me for the hospital and rehab, the kids for the 10 days at their father's, and the dog for his 10 days at "camp". SOOOO much to think of and do! I hope and pray I'll get it all done in time.
The tooth FINALLY came out last Thursday. Of course, then I had the "after pain" to deal with, which honestly wasn't much less than the tooth pain! I was eating Motrin like candy, supplemented with Percocet, which kept me loopier than usual. Add in the antibiotic and it was a recipe for nausea. Oh, and did I mention the allergic reaction? Yup, after my first visit to the Oral Surgeon, to have a drain put in and done under IV sedation, I developed a wicked case of hives! What caused it? The IV meds? The antibiotic? Stress? We finally narrowed it down to either a freak delayed reaction to one of the IV meds, or, more likely, a stress reaction. In any event, it has not recurred.
On Monday, I ate yogurt and applesauce for breakfast, and felt something weird in my mouth. Whatever it was, it's gone now. And my mouth feels MUCH better! Haven't needed a Percocet since then. The rough edges that were there are gone. I suspect something may have happened to the socket graft that was done to prepare for a future implant, but I'll find out when I see the OS for a followup on Friday. Meanwhile, my mouth and I are alot happier!
Last night I went out for dinner. I've been saying for several days that I am SO sick of pudding and ice cream, and I'd give my right arm for a salad. Well, a salad came with my dinner, so I decided to try it. I did ok too! Ahhh, that boring little plate of lettuce with a couple of anemic tomatoes was pure heaven. So I decided I should be able to start eating normally. (The issue has been that I can't open my mouth all the way because my jaw is so sore from being pried open for the oral surgery. And I'm not used to chewing on my right side, since the teeth don't align correctly and I usually just chew on the left. So eating harder foods has been pretty much impossible.) Anyway, I'm trying to transition back to normal eating. Don't know that I'll be munching granola or an apple anytime soon, but I'll do the best I can!
The most exciting part is that I finally went back to the gym today! Took my Aqua Boot Camp class and loved every awful minute of it! Everyone had missed me and was so glad to see me, which felt great, and even tho the pool was freezing, I just felt SO good to be there! So today I get to log some fitness minutes. WooHoo!!
Knee surgery is a week from tomorrow. I have to go up for all my pre-admission work tomorrow--I'm so glad it's going to be a "balmy" 40 degrees, instead of the teens and 20s we've been dealing with. I won't be able to get to the gym, but I will get to do alot of walking around in NYC so that will be OK. Meanwhile, the mad scramble to get ready for surgery has begun. I'll be cooking up a storm over the weekend so I will have plenty of meals frozen and ready to reheat when I get home. Have to pack me for the hospital and rehab, the kids for the 10 days at their father's, and the dog for his 10 days at "camp". SOOOO much to think of and do! I hope and pray I'll get it all done in time.
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