NOT At All What I Was Expecting

NOT The News I Was Expecting
Friday, July 09, 2010

I went to see the kidney doctor today. A routine follow-up visit. I'd seen him in May after my lab work from my annual physical was a bit off kilter. Nothing big, nothing expected. Check the labs (which the nurse had told me 6 weeks ago were normal except for a slight elevation in my Creatinine). Get his blessing and see him in a year. (And that was only because my dad is in end stage renal failure, on dialysis and waiting for a kidney transplant, so my risk is higher than usual)

Well, it turned out A LOT different.

For starters, my labs were NOT all normal. In fact, they were anything but. Apparently something is way out of whack with my parathyroid levels, so now I have to take a new prescription (which none of the pharmacies around here seem to carry, and I'm leaving for vacation in 36 hours.) On top of that, there are other levels that are concerning him. And these labs were done when I was very well hydrated, eating perfectly, doing everything right.

I asked him if all this could have something to do with the fact that I am retaining fluid like crazy. Nope. But he IS concerned with the fluid retention. Not nearly as much as I am--I'M the one whose clothes don't fit because I've gained over 15 pounds in 2 weeks from fluid retention! He did say absolutely not to take a diuretic, which I had quite honestly been considering. So, scratch that idea!

The long and the short of it is,, I have to go back when I return from vacation. He'll redo the labs at that time. And then he wants to see me every 3-4 months after that. A bit of a change from the once a year I'd been expecting!

Also, when I went last time, I'd been quite distressed to see that he put my diagnosis at Stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease (especially since I hadn't realized I even HAD kidney disease! I figured he was basing that on the labs from my annual, which had been done when I was NOT eating right, and not particularly well hydrated. So, with the improved labs I was expecting, I thought that might back off to Stage 1.

Wrong again. I am now listed as Stage THREE (0ut of 6).

I am beyond upset with this. Here I've spent the last 2 1/2 years losing weight, getting in shape, exercising, eating right, drinking water like a fish, and this is the outcome? And it's getting WORSE? How? Why? I've never had high blood pressure (and it's now 100/70, even WITH the fluid retention!) My cholesterol is about 130. I've been so pleased with the improvements in my general health. I stopped taking anti-inflammatories for arthritis, I stopped taking a diuretic (which I'd only needed because the arthritis meds caused fluid retention). And we thought the meds were the cause of the kidney problems. But now I've been off them for over 2 months and I'm getting worse instead of better.

I guess the worst thing of this is knowing what the future holds if this progresses. I've seen my dad and what he's gone through. He's been on the transplant list for over 2 years, and they told him he's got at least another 1 /12 to 2 years to wait. Meanwhile he's on peritoneal dialysis, which requires him to hook up to a machine for 9 hours every night. It's the best option for dialysis because you feel better with it, rather than sick 1/2 the time like with hemodialysis, and it can be done at home rather than going into a dialysis center 3 days a week for hours on end.

But I'm not a candidate for peritoneal dialysis. 7 hernia repairs have left me with an abdomen full of scar tissue, which puts me out of the running. So my only options would be hemodialysis or a transplant. And the average wait for a transplant is 2-3 years or more. I know I'm a long way off from there, but still, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I know too much, I've seen too much. Ignorance is bliss, but I don't have that pleasure.

I hate this feeling of helplessness. There is not one damn thing I can do about this. The doctor's instructions consisted of "take this medicine" and "stay hydrated". But I want more! I want to DO something to make this go away. I want to take control of this aspect of my health, as I have taken control of others! Why won't my body cooperate?

I'd go have a pity party for myself but I'm too depressed.

Getting old really sucks!

I Had Quite A Day Today

've had quite a day.

First, I get to the gym early, set up all my equipment for my fitball class, and went to do the elliptical. Came back just as class was starting, and someone had taken my things! So I had to hunt down equipment from other rooms, find a spot in the room, etc. I was not amused.

Then, I noted a "weak soreness" in my left upper hip as I was sitting on the ball. I've felt this before, so didn't worry; I did the first few exercises and realized it was really starting to hurt. By the time I needed to get up off the mat (about 30 minutes in), I realized I could barely move. My friend helped me up and kindly offered to put away all of my equipment. I just thanked her and hobbled out. Getting into the car was pure torture. By the time I got home I was in serious trouble. Getting out of the car was worse than getting in. But once home, and once I was just upright, I was much better. I decided to go to the chiropractor.

She told me my SI joint (whatever that is) is all out of whack, and some muscle down there is in spasm. I got adjusted, was told I am banished from the gym until Monday, and told to come back in the afternoon. I went to leave. Well, between the pain and all the things rushing around in my head of what I needed to do, I wasn't thinking clearly. I went to back out, looked carefully in all directions, turned the wheel and backed out. Only I turned the wheel WAY too far, and "CRUNCH"--I've hit the car next to me. I wanted to crawl under a rock at that point! I apologized profusely to the very nice elderly lady whose car I'd hit. She told me not to worry about it. Her son is her insurance agent, and said the same thing. They were so very nice about it, which I really really appreciated! What a way to blow another $500 on the deductible! Oh well, it's only metal, and no one was hurt.

Came home to get everything else done on my lengthy to-do list. And realized I am going to have to kill my sister! I assumed my niece and her friend were coming in on the Turkish Airlines flight that gets in around 2:45. We made plans for my mom and dad to come down for dinner at 6 with all of us. WRONG! They are flying Delta, which I only learned when I asked my sister TODAY where I was to pick them up. Not only are they flying Delta, they arrive at 5:30 PM!!!! In the middle of rush hour! I was really not happy about this, and called my Dad to ask how he'd feel about having only one daughter, since I was going to kill my sister. My nice Daddy offered to pick up the girls for me! It's too hot for him to play golf, so he's got time. I will gladly let him do the honors! So he will get them and bring them here, and we'll greet them with pizza for a late dinner, and a nice chicken salad sandwich for Daddy. (I offered Lobster Thermidore, but he said the sandwich was fine)

Looks like I'll have some free time tomorrow--I'm quite sure I can find something to do with it. Like, maybe, SLEEP!!! More likely, I'll find other things that have to be done for the party, and feel the need to do them.

In any case, I just can't believe my baby girl has graduated from 8th grade! I remember when she graduated from Kindergarten! Where have the years gone?

Now we just have to get things ready for the party Friday, and then Saturday and beyond, I can relax and worry about LIFE.

The Biggest Loser Challenge--The Results

I am NOT the Biggest Loser. but that's ok, because I really didn't expect to be. The winners all lost over 10% of their body weight (WOW!) and had tons of points. The guy who won lost 38 pounds!

I signed up for this challenge because I needed a kick-start. The old habits had returned and I needed to get back on track. I set a goal to lose 15 pounds. I surpassed that goal.

So no, I'm not the biggest loser. But I just might be the biggest winner!

Biggest Loser Weigh-Out, and An "Off" Day From Exercise

I got up this morning and hopped on the scale. Woohoo! Down almost 15 pounds since May 3. But I knew I had, um, a little extra weight still in me, so I went out and played around on Facebook until I felt the urge to, um, get rid of that extra. (trying not to be too graphic here!) So, I got back on the scale and WOW!!!!!! The official weight on my home scale is down 15.4 pounds. My goal was to lose 15 and I did it!!

So, I put on my shorts and a tank top and my sandals and headed off to the gym to weigh out. Now, this is considerably less clothing than I wore when I weighed in on May 3. Plus I didn't eat breakfast before going today, where I had eaten and also had alot of water before the original weigh-in. Hey, I'm no stranger to the tricks of a weigh-in!

Well, the official Biggest Loser weight is down exactly TWENTY pounds!!!! WoooooooooHooooooo!!!

I walked out of the gym with a huge smile on my face. No workout for me today--I did more than enough all week! I headed home and ate breakfast, and woke up my sleeping slaves...er, I mean, teenagers.

There was plenty of yard work to occupy my time today. First, I assembled my new power washer, hauled out the extension cords and the hose, hooked it up, and started power washing everything in sight. It was fun!!! Fences. Shed. Jacuzzi. Sidewalk. Patio chairs (16 of them!) The back of the house. The patio. I supervised weed pulling, and even pulled a few myself.

And we cleaned out the garage. Really cleaned it, as in, throwing out stuff we don't need anymore, packing up all the cardboard into my car to take to the recycling center on Monday, rearranging the Christmas stuff, the whole shebang.

Other than a break for lunch, and a short break to talk my BFF, I worked from 10 am til about 4 pm. I also did some ironing in there. When I finished outside, I came inside to do some more cleanup, and to check on the progress of the aforementioned teenagers' room cleanups. The bedrooms are still a work in progress, but the playroom is immaculate! I'd never have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes.

So, I went to log in my activity in the fitness tracker. I only put in for 3 hours, and listed it as "heavy cleaning" (which it was!). Who knew that could burn over 1000 calories? I logged my food, ordered in dinner for all of us (kids requested it, and I didn't feel like making dinner for me anyway!) I decided on a salad with grilled chicken. Always a good choice. Add some fruit and some of my yummy organic tortilla chips, and it's perfect. Plus, I got in all my water and then some.

So, even though it was an "off" day from exercise, it really wasn't after all. And right about now, I feel like I've done a whole triathalon just today!

Biggest Loser Triathalon, Day Three

It's done! I can't believe I actually did a triathalon--albeit a modified one.

I got to the gym this morning with a plan to do 30 minutes on the elliptical and then an hour with my trainer, and to come back this afternoon for the spin class and the 15 mile ride.

It didn't work out that way.

I saw the trainer who does the spin class, and asked her how crowded the class usually is. I planned to come in early to be sure I didn't get closed out of this class that I absolutely needed to take. I told her I was coming to do my 15 miles.

And then she dropped the bomb.

Oh, you do know, right, that the cycles in the spin class measure in kilometers?

WHAT?!?!?!?!?! You mean all this time I've been thinking I can do 15 MILES in an hour class, and I'm only doing 15 KILOMETERS??? Oh no, NOW what??? There's no way on earth I can do 24 km in an hour class where I usually do 15.

I went and did the workout with my trainer, and we came up with an idea. i could do the first 5.5 miles on a bike out in the gym, have it noted, and then come back in the afternoon as planned to do the other 15 km. So, I hopped on the bike. It was alot harder, and slower, than the ones in the spin class! It took me just under an hour to do the 5.5 miles!

I headed home for a snack that I hadn't planned on needing, changed into capris because it was getting hot, and headed out to do my many errands. I stopped at Wendy's for a salad for lunch, and got home just before 2 to eat and regroup. 3:00 found me back at the gym, checked in for the cycle class.

I started riding at 3:20. I wasn't taking any chances of not finishing by 4:30 when class ended. The instructor had an ear infection, so we had a sub, who is a total Nazi about spin class--even in a Beginner Cycle class! She had us working from the first minute.

I had already ridden an hour this morning, so I was not all that peppy. The clock refused to move--time wasn't passing! I covered up the readout so I wouldn't focus on how far I'd gone or how long I'd been riding. I peeked now and then. 20% done. 1/3 done. 50% done. By that time, I was pretty much done in. I didn't want to ride anymore, I just wanted to go home and sleep! I gave myself a little pep talk, and noticed that the guy in front of me was going A LOT slower than I was. Nothing like a little comparative motivation!

I pushed myself until I saw I'd done the required 15 km. But there was still 10 minutes left of the class--guess I didn't need to start early after all. At the 1 hour mark, I just tanked. I stopped. Stretched. Assured the instructor that yes, I was OK. We were down to the last few minutes of the class.

And then my display went blank.

WHAT?!?!?! Oh no! How will I prove that I did the required distance? I went up to the instructor as soon as class was over. I told her "I did 16.3 km, but the display went out.

And she then informed me that the cycles read in MILES, not KILOMETERS! Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!! She believed me on the distance though, and happily signed my paper, saying she saw me working and knew I'd done what I needed to do. I hobbled out of there feeling like a very exhilarated 90 year old woman!

So, I either rode 15.5 miles, or I rode 23 miles. Either way, I'm done. I made it! I survived!

Now, if I ever get my hands on the instructor who told me it was kilometers...

What Other People Think

I really thought it didn't matter to me anymore. If someone doesn't like me, oh well. The only opinions that mattered were people I care about.

WRONG!!! The fallacy of that belief hit me upside the head today.

Just yesterday I'd been glowing with the compliments and congratulations I've been getting from people at the gym for doing this triathalon. Plus, lots of nice comments about how great I look. Hey, a little encouragement is a good thing, right.

Well, that works both ways, apparently.

This morning in my Fitball class, I was talking with an older woman who is also doing the Biggest Loser challenge. We were discussing the triathalon and what we'd done so far. I mentioned that I had done the 50 laps yesterday. She said "did you see that woman who was walking?" I asked what she meant, and she said "some woman was doing the laps but she wasn't swimming all of it--she walked halfway and then when she couldn't touch anymore she swam, and then walked again." She said she thought that was cheating. I told her that the fitness guru lady had said it didn't matter how you did the laps--swim, doggie paddle, float, walk, run, whatever, as long as you did 50 laps. She said she still thought it was cheating because it made it easy.

I don't know if she knew I was that woman. I think she didn't, and was voicing a genuine opinion. My friend thinks she knew exactly who it was, and was being snarky. But it doesn't matter if she knew or not. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I spent the entire Fitball class wondering if maybe I should go back and swim the 50 laps again, swimming the entire way. And maybe I should redo the 8 mile walk because I did most of it on the elliptical and that's not fair either (even though the fitness guru lady said it was OK.)

The whole thing really sunk my mood. I had been feeling so proud of myself for what I'd done, and now I felt like a fake. I talked to my Mom and my BFF, and they both said I did nothing wrong, and that what I did certainly counted. Then I talked to my friend who is my massage therapist, and she really set me straight.

She pointed out that I am not doing this to compete against other people. I am doing it for ME. I am pushing myself harder than I ever have. I did the elliptical for twice as long as I ever did before. I did 50 laps in the pool, regardless of HOW I did it, which I haven't done since I was 18. I set a goal to lose 15 pounds, and I may or may not have reached that goal. But it was all about doing MY best. If someone had told me 2 months ago that I would do a triathalon of ANY type, I'd have laughed in their faces.

The truth is, I'm 49 years old, I've had 2 double knee replacements, I have arthritis from head to toe. I spent most of my life as a massively obese couch potato. For me to participate in ANY of this is a miracle! So I can't do 8 miles on the treadmill because it would destroy my knees. Fine, I did it on the ellliptical (with approval from the "boss"). So swimming 50 laps was too much for my arms. Fine, I did a walk/swim combo instead. I still did the 50 laps. I still pushed myself farther than I'd gone before.

So what if someone else doesn't think I did it the right way? I did it MY way--the way that was right for ME. That doesn't take anything away from anyone else. It's just me, doing the best I can with what I've got. I think I have a right to be proud of myself. What someone else thinks shouldn't matter.

Biggest Loser Triathalon, Day Two

Today was the day I was dreading. I am NOT a swimmer. I've got a pretty decent doggie paddle thing going, but that's it. Plus, I'm SLOW. Add to that the fact that the last time I swam 50 laps was in college, over 30 years ago....well, you can imagine.

Fortunately, the day started out alot better than yesterday. No weigh-in today. Plenty of oatmeal to make my full breakfast. The kids even behaved reasonably well. I put on my bathing suit, capris, and an old T-shirt with the words "Expect Miracles!" I thought that was quite appropriate, since it was going to take a miracle to get me through 50 laps. A miracle, and a whole lot of prayers!

I got to the gym a little before 8. I figured I'd need close to 2 hours, and I knew there was a pool class at 10, so I wanted to finish before then. My buddy Melody was joining me for the swim so we could cheer each other on. I checked in with the lifeguard, and went to assemble my equipment.

Yes, I needed equipment. Swim cap (thanks Laura!), noseplugs (never been very good about breathing when I swim), and a flotation belt. This last one was Melody's idea. She's not a swimmer either, and said she was going to use one so she didn't drown in the deep end. I decided that it was a great idea, and did likewise.

Wearing my full array of helpful extras, I waded into the pool. Not bad--not too cold, not too warm. All the lanes were taken, so I asked the person who seemed to be moving the slowest to share her lane. And I started on my first lap.

Wow. I'm really out of shape. This is harder than I feared. I will NEVER finish this alive. That's what I was thinking as I did my first 4 laps. At the end of the 4th, I paused for a drink of water, and noticed that Melody had arrived. I also saw that the end lane was empty. So we grabbed that lane for ourselves--it didn't matter if we bumped into each other!

Our speed was pretty equal, which worked out nicely. We counted together. We chatted at the turns. And I suddenly realized that I'd done 20 laps!! I stopped for a break while Melody did 2 more laps, and then started in on my next 20. The fitness guru lady had said we could swim any way we wanted, and we could even walk in the water if we wanted to. That sounded like a smart idea, so I tried it. Walk half a lap, swim the other half when the water got deeper, swim 1/2 way back, walk the last half. Well, this was great! Much better for my arms, which are not nearly as strong as my legs.

Next thing I knew, I was at 40 laps! I took another break while Melody swam the 2 laps to catch up to me. When I was ready to go again, I couldn't find my nose plugs. I was looking around in the water and didn't see them. Oh no! How will I swim 10 laps without them??

Melody asked if I was looking for them. "Yes, I think I dropped them." "Um, Wendy? They're on your head!" And there they were, sitting high enough on my forehead that I didn't feel them! DUH!

Crisis averted, we swam the last 10 laps together. Before I knew it, we were done!! 50 laps! In just under an hour! WooHoo!!!! We hauled ourselves out of the pool, got our papers signed by the lifeguard, and headed for the jacuzzi for a much deserved hot soak.

It was really nice to hear "way to go!", "I'm proud of you" "I knew you could do it!" from the lifeguard, the fitness guru lady, and my wonderful trainer, Jaime, as I was walking out of the gym. A little encouragement goes a long way with me. And that miracle I was expecting didn't hurt either! Thank you God! All that's left now is the cycling--15 miles--on Thursday. And that's the easy part!