Wednesday, June 10, 2009

June 10, 2009 The Sandwich Generation

I have spent a good bit of time in the past couple of weeks helping out Mom and Dad. Let me start by saying that not only don't I mind doing this, I truly ENJOY it. I love my parents dearly, and would do anything for them.

That said, WOW! It has been sort of surreal. As if *I* am the parent and they are the kids. Mom had a knee replacement a month ago and still isn't totally back on her feet (although I think she is walking better than before the surgery!). Dad is playing nurse and housekeeper, and doing a pretty darn good job of it. Who knew he could cook?? But when I am there, I always seem to step into the caregiving role. Giving Mom a shower, changing the dressing on Daddy's ear (he had a growth removed), cooking, running errands, offering advice, etc. When did I become the parent? They are both somewhat forgetful, and between the two of them you could get a bit confused! ("I told you that already." "No, this is the first I heard of it.") But they work as a team and manage to do just fine, whether I am there or not.

All of this has caused me to think about the inevitable day that one or both of my parents will no longer be with us. If 40 minutes away seems too far now, imagine when that distance is infinite. I can't bear the thought of it! Mom and I have always been very close, and Daddy and I have gotten much closer in the past few months. I am NOT ready to let them go! Not that either of them is at death's door or anything, but between Mom's heart problems and Daddy's kidney failure, they both have issues. I find they sometimes have to be encouraged and reminded to ask the doctor a question, or even GO to the doctor. And just try to get them to TELL me what is going on! Thankfully, they are getting better at this. At any rate, I wish they lived closer, and I wish I could do more. But here I am, sandwiched between my parents and my children. I feel like a slice of salami!!

This also has affected my own life. Running back and forth to Mom and Dad means less time for the gym and other things I usually do. OK, so my gym attendance has been sorely lacking lately anyway, but I was getting up some steam, and then BOOM! Havent been there since Saturday. At least I did fit in a trip to Whole Foods, which is near them, to get some high quality produce and meats. And today I finally ate my regular breakfast again, of yogurt, Cheerios and blueberries. Last time I tried, I nearly gagged on it, but today I enjoyed it! Hooray! Back to "normal". And if breakfast goes well, it sets up the rest of the day for success too.

I will be spending this weekend at the Special Olympics, watching Laura swim. She stays in the dorm Friday and Saturday night, and I will stay at Mom and Dad's, just 5 minutes away. I am looking forward to it. Should get some good walking in on campus, although food will be weird. I will simply do my best. Heck, swimming 3 events, Laura will get in enough exercise for both of us! Hopefully she will bring home some medals to add to her collection--I just love how she beams with joy at each success! Go Marlins!

Monday, June 1, 2009

June 1, 2009 Clothing Sizes (Rant!)

What IS it with clothing manufacturers? Why can't a 12 be a 12 be a 12? Why am I a 12 one place and a 16 somewhere else, or a Medium one place and an XL somewhere else?

I went shopping for navy blue pants. Now, it is hard enough to find the color, let alone in a style that works for me, which generally means wide leg or trouser style. So off I went to Kohls to do some looking. The only place I could look was the clearance rack, as there was not another pair of navy blue pants to be had in the entire store. What, has navy gone out of fashion???

Anyway, I found a pair I liked in a 14 regular. I am generally a 14 in pants. I prefer Petites, but I can always have them hemmed. The only other pair I found was a 16 Petite. OK, so I grab them both and try on the 14s. I was SWIMMING in them! I mean they were seriously huge on me. So, why bother trying on the 16s which would be bigger, right? Well, I figured I had nothing to lose, so I did try them on, and they FIT! What?? Other than being a few inches too big in the waist, which is always the case if pants fit me right in the hips and thighs (its just how I am built), they fit great and looked perfect. So how are the 14s too big and the 16s fit?

What really galls me about this is that last summer, weighing about 45 pounds more, I went shopping for pants for Scotland. Most of what I got was 18s, but I was so excited to be able to buy a pair of navy blue pants in--you guessed it--size 16 Petite! So how does 45 pounds lost = the same size? I know, different stores, different styles, different manufacturers, but come on! How about at least a LITTLE standardization.

It's a darn good thing I am not married to the size on the tags in my clothes, or I would never have bought a 16. All I know is, they fit, they look nice, they are comfortable, and they were on sale.

Works for me.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

May 31, 2009 What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been

I haven't blogged in ages. So much has happened in the nearly 2 months I have been "gone"!

For starters, maintenance has worked out pretty well. Acutally, I am below range, at 169 now. (more on that below). I can't seem to keep weight ON these days! And this with minimal exercise. I am almost afraid to see what will happen when I step up the workouts.

When I last wrote, I was still recovering from knee surgery. I think I can safely say that I am completely recovered from that. I have full use of my knee now, I can do everything I could do pre-op, and then some. I have about 115 degrees of flexion in my knee, more than enough for riding a bike!!

Our trip to Turks and Caicos over Easter was awesome. 6 days of sun and fun was just what I needed, and a great way to celebrate reaching goal weight! We went sailing one day, and another day we rode the Aqua Trike. I had no idea I could even get ON the thing, but the 3 of us climbed on and the kids pedaled us out to sea. Then I got the idea to see what my knee would do, and lo and behold, I could pedal too!!! I do believe that was the high point of my trip! I made reservations for a return for my 50th birthday next year.

On May 8, my Mom had HER knee replacement. She is home now and doing really well, making progress every day. Daddy is taking good care of her. I have been to visit several times since she came home 10 days ago. I always enjoy their company.

On May 11, I had my 7th hernia repair. I came home the same day, as they were short on beds and I didn't relish the idea of spending the night on a stretcher in the Recovery Room. I have not bounced back from this surgery as quickly as I usually do. I had pain for a long time, and still occasionally have nausea. My appetite is still poor, hence the continued weight loss. But in the past 2-3 days I have started to feel like my old self again. The only problem is that my incision has once again opened up, and I have a huge hole in my abdomen! We are looking at Wound Care Centers to see if someone, somewhere, can help me heal. I am just praying that it WILL heal, and that treatment won't mess up my trip to Scotland, which is now just 54 days away.

Yesterday I had to take Laura over to the gym for her swim lesson. While there, I decided it was time for me to get off my butt. So I climbed up on the elliptical, and spent 30 minutes of heavenly bliss! It felt SO good to exercise again! I am hoping to go back tomorrow, and will definitely be there several times this week. Gotta get these legs strong again for all that castle climbing!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

April 5, 2009 If This Is Maintenance, Why Aren't I Maintaining?

Well, it's been an interesting week.

Adding 100 calories to my daily intake was a bit challenging, but I managed to do it. Actually, I think I did it TOO well! Although Friday was the only time I went way over (like, 300 calories over), it pulled my average for the week to 1737/day. Only an extra 37 calories each day, but it made a difference, as I gained 1.2 pounds this week.

My scale says I've gained a pound of muscle. Not hard to believe. I've been working my butt off in Physical Therapy, and I've been on the elliptical 4 times, and did some hiking up and down hills at Danny's camp yesterday, so my exercise is getting back to normal at last.

But here's the confusing part. OK, I upped my calories by 100/day. I gained weight. So, do I still up them another 100/day this week? Or do I hold it steady and see what my weight does? I did NOT add the extra 100 today. I actually did really well considering the crazy day I had. Breakfast at Dunkin Donuts (Egg White Flatbread sandwich, which was surprisingly yummy) on the way to Laura's swim meet. Chicken salad and a baked potato for lunch. Out to dinner to celebrate, and we ended up not going where I thought we were (and where I'd carefully planned out my meal). But I chose some grilled chicken with mozzarella, a salad, and a piece of their yummy homemade bread, so I ended up OK.

I think I will stay at 1500-1700 calories until Wednesday. I'll weigh myself again then and reassess. With vacation coming next week, I KNOW my calories will be higher, so I don't want to start off with another gain before that! Meanwhile, more time on the elliptical, a little more PT and strength training, and I should be all set...I hope.

Monday, March 30, 2009

March 30, 2009 How Did I Get Here, Where Am I Going, and What The Heck Do I Do Now??

I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, hoping to see a loss. I was not disappointed. I was down 2.8 pounds! I have NO idea how that happened, or why, but it did. Which is quite significant.
I have now gone BELOW my goal weight of 175. I am at 174. I am "done".
And now the hard part begins...maintenance.
This is uncharted territory for me, and I have to admit to being more than a little bit scared. I really feel like I don't know how to do this! Sure, I know I'm supposed to increase my calories by 100 a day this week and 100 more next week. But that isn't as easy as it sounds!! I had agreed with my nutritionist that I would add some nuts and some granola, keeping the rest pretty much the same. Yesterday I added the granola, and was still at the bottom of my new range! Today I ate my usual breakfast, one of my standard lunches, and added the nuts to my afternoon snack, and I still have over 600 calories to use for dinner! What on earth am I supposed to do?
I know, I know, it will take some getting used to. I've been eating the same way for so long that I could do it almost without thinking about it. Now I will have to think about it again! OK, I can do that. But still, that fear is there. WHAT IF I GAIN IT ALL BACK?
Irrational? Certainly. But it's here, nonetheless and I can't exactly ignore it! On Saturday, I must have somehow known what was coming, because at Whole Foods, I "treated" myself to a slice of cake AND a cookie. Unheard of for me. Self sabotoge for sure. But yesterday and today, no way, no "treats" for me! It's kind of like, OK, I'm here, now I have to make darn sure I STAY here.
I did some more shopping over the weekend and seem to finally have a workable wardrobe. I will need a few more shirts, but I'll pick those up as I find them. I had one salesperson tell me "you certainly don't need an XL, you are so small", and she turned out to be right--the L was fine. (so, why does my 93 pound daughter need a M in the exact same sweater?????) I also got a cute spring jacket, size 12 Petite! Talbots came through with some new styles, including wide leg jeans, which are my new favorite type of pants--so forgiving of my heavy knees! I still need to figure out my own personal "style", but for now I've got some good classics and some bright colors to work with.
It's been said that success is a journey, not a destination. I would have to agree. I may have reached the station, but my journey is really just beginning.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

March 23, 2009 The Clothes Shopping Dilemna

I went clothes shopping Saturday and was totally frustrated! Talbots had NOTHING! I tried on a dress, a blouse, and a pair of shorts. According to their size charts, I should be a size 12. Well, that's bunk! The dress fits in a 16. The shorts fit in a 14. And the blouse in a 14 is a bit snugger than I'd like. What is THAT about!!
So I went to the mall. Yes, the mall. I HATE the mall! I tried the Talbots there, and they had even less than the first (bigger) one. So I tried JCPenney. The fitting room line was ridiculously long, so I just bought some things to try on at home. I got a pair of denim capris, a pair of plaid shorts with a polo shirt to match, a pair of yellow print capris with a yellow blouse, a pink striped polo, and 2 pair of workout capris. I got everything in a 14 or L. And the only things I am keeping are the shorts and polo shirt, and one pair of the workout capris. Why? Becuase nothing else fits! Well, the blouse does, but the capris don't so I don't need the blouse. And the denim capris? What a joke! They are the same size, brand and style as the ones I got at Kohl's last week, and I can't get them over my knees! Insane!
So what is it with clothes these days? When I could only shop in the back corner that holds the fat girl clothes, I could find plenty of things to wear. Now, I have 1/2 the store to choose from, and there's nothing decent!! It's all so UGLY!! What ever happened to simple, classic styles? When I can't find anything at Talbots, something is seriously wrong!
So, still frustrated, I stopped by Target today. Finally, some success!! I found another pair of workout capris that fit great, and a coverup for my bathing suit (ugly, but it does the job). A couple pair of chinos that fit great except the waist (which will need to be taken in about 2 inches), and then the real bonanza. I found a cute pair of bermuda shorts--sort of grey with navy blue crabs on them. They look great with a short-sleeved V-neck T shirt. 2 other pair of shorts, with shirts to match, and I'm all set for shorts for the summer.
This is just so weird. My favorite store (Talbots) has NOTHING, and Target turns out to be my best source? That's just crazy! I hate the thought of further trips to the mall, but I am in serious need of clothing (other than shorts...) and truly don't know where to look.
On the positive side, the scale is back down almost to where it was in January before I had my detour. 176.8. Less than 2 pounds to go. And I will hopefully be back in the gym next week, if the doctor gives his OK.

Things are looking up at last!

March 17, 2009 Jumping For Joy!

Today I decided to hop on the scale, just to see what effect, if any, 2 days back on track would have on my weight. WOW!!! Down 5 pounds! Obviously I was holding a good bit of water. In any event, I'm back at 178, just 3 pounds from goal. I won't consider this an official weight, since it's not my weighin day, but I'm hopeful that Sunday's weight will be the same.
So, with that in mind, I planned out my food today. Now, I was allowing for a little extra. After all, it IS St. Patricks Day, the only day of the entire year when I get to eat corned beef and Irish Soda Bread, 2 of my favorite foods on earth. And I'm going to my friend June's for a meeting tonite, and she's serving...you guessed it! So, I figured I'd do my best all day, and then splurge a bit tonite. BUT, when I entered in my food for the day, including a small piece of the beef and of the bread, my calories and nutrients all came out PERFECT!!!! WooHooo!! And I'm not even skimping on the rest of the day. I had my usual breakfast, and a yummy chicken sandwich for lunch. Fruit for snacks, and I'll have one slice of pizza at dinner with Danny. The meeting isn't until 8pm. I figure that can count as my PM snack! I'll just skip my usual snack at bedtime. How cool is that?!?
So, on the way back from taking Laura to the neurologist, I decided we would stop at Kohls for a brief look around. I know I'm not up to a major shopping spree yet--still can't walk that far. But we both need some things, so I figured a quick visit would be OK.
We started out in the Juniors department, and actually found several styles of denim shorts that are long enough for her (she HATES the short shorts--Good girl!!) I also found her a really cute dress for our vacation, and a pretty pair of capris. Cool. Then we ventured over into the Misses department. This is uncharted water for me. It was so much easier when I could just go to the fat girl section back in the corner and look through their meager selection. But no, now I have like 3 whole areas to look in! YIKES!
I pulled a few things off the racks, things I liked enough to buy. But what size am I? The size charts say 14, but what will REALLY fit, especially in pants?
The size charts are right!!!!!!!!!! I got a pair of bermuda shorts, 3 pair of solid color capris (red, black, and navy), and a striped shirt (Size L, not XL!!). The pants, in 3 different brands, are all size 14, and they all fit great! WooHoo!!!
Now I can finish shopping online, and I know what size I need. I HATE shopping for clothes in the store. Maybe just from all the years I had no choice but to shop in catalogs, but I much prefer to see my clothes presented as a complete outfit, on a model, and decide that I like it, and then get it in my size, ship it here, and try it on in the privacy and comfort of my own bedroom. The only exception to that has been Talbots, where I would live if they'd let me move in! I will be going there one day next week, hopefully to find a couple of things. But, since I currently own exactly 5 items of spring/summer clothes that actually fit me (that being the things I just bought today), I think I DO need to break down and do some shopping.
Well, if it's size 14 (or even 12 at Talbots!), I think that will be OK with me!