Well, it's been an interesting week.
Adding 100 calories to my daily intake was a bit challenging, but I managed to do it. Actually, I think I did it TOO well! Although Friday was the only time I went way over (like, 300 calories over), it pulled my average for the week to 1737/day. Only an extra 37 calories each day, but it made a difference, as I gained 1.2 pounds this week.
My scale says I've gained a pound of muscle. Not hard to believe. I've been working my butt off in Physical Therapy, and I've been on the elliptical 4 times, and did some hiking up and down hills at Danny's camp yesterday, so my exercise is getting back to normal at last.
But here's the confusing part. OK, I upped my calories by 100/day. I gained weight. So, do I still up them another 100/day this week? Or do I hold it steady and see what my weight does? I did NOT add the extra 100 today. I actually did really well considering the crazy day I had. Breakfast at Dunkin Donuts (Egg White Flatbread sandwich, which was surprisingly yummy) on the way to Laura's swim meet. Chicken salad and a baked potato for lunch. Out to dinner to celebrate, and we ended up not going where I thought we were (and where I'd carefully planned out my meal). But I chose some grilled chicken with mozzarella, a salad, and a piece of their yummy homemade bread, so I ended up OK.
I think I will stay at 1500-1700 calories until Wednesday. I'll weigh myself again then and reassess. With vacation coming next week, I KNOW my calories will be higher, so I don't want to start off with another gain before that! Meanwhile, more time on the elliptical, a little more PT and strength training, and I should be all set...I hope.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
March 30, 2009 How Did I Get Here, Where Am I Going, and What The Heck Do I Do Now??
I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, hoping to see a loss. I was not disappointed. I was down 2.8 pounds! I have NO idea how that happened, or why, but it did. Which is quite significant.
I have now gone BELOW my goal weight of 175. I am at 174. I am "done".
And now the hard part begins...maintenance.
This is uncharted territory for me, and I have to admit to being more than a little bit scared. I really feel like I don't know how to do this! Sure, I know I'm supposed to increase my calories by 100 a day this week and 100 more next week. But that isn't as easy as it sounds!! I had agreed with my nutritionist that I would add some nuts and some granola, keeping the rest pretty much the same. Yesterday I added the granola, and was still at the bottom of my new range! Today I ate my usual breakfast, one of my standard lunches, and added the nuts to my afternoon snack, and I still have over 600 calories to use for dinner! What on earth am I supposed to do?
I know, I know, it will take some getting used to. I've been eating the same way for so long that I could do it almost without thinking about it. Now I will have to think about it again! OK, I can do that. But still, that fear is there. WHAT IF I GAIN IT ALL BACK?
Irrational? Certainly. But it's here, nonetheless and I can't exactly ignore it! On Saturday, I must have somehow known what was coming, because at Whole Foods, I "treated" myself to a slice of cake AND a cookie. Unheard of for me. Self sabotoge for sure. But yesterday and today, no way, no "treats" for me! It's kind of like, OK, I'm here, now I have to make darn sure I STAY here.
I did some more shopping over the weekend and seem to finally have a workable wardrobe. I will need a few more shirts, but I'll pick those up as I find them. I had one salesperson tell me "you certainly don't need an XL, you are so small", and she turned out to be right--the L was fine. (so, why does my 93 pound daughter need a M in the exact same sweater?????) I also got a cute spring jacket, size 12 Petite! Talbots came through with some new styles, including wide leg jeans, which are my new favorite type of pants--so forgiving of my heavy knees! I still need to figure out my own personal "style", but for now I've got some good classics and some bright colors to work with.
It's been said that success is a journey, not a destination. I would have to agree. I may have reached the station, but my journey is really just beginning.
I have now gone BELOW my goal weight of 175. I am at 174. I am "done".
And now the hard part begins...maintenance.
This is uncharted territory for me, and I have to admit to being more than a little bit scared. I really feel like I don't know how to do this! Sure, I know I'm supposed to increase my calories by 100 a day this week and 100 more next week. But that isn't as easy as it sounds!! I had agreed with my nutritionist that I would add some nuts and some granola, keeping the rest pretty much the same. Yesterday I added the granola, and was still at the bottom of my new range! Today I ate my usual breakfast, one of my standard lunches, and added the nuts to my afternoon snack, and I still have over 600 calories to use for dinner! What on earth am I supposed to do?
I know, I know, it will take some getting used to. I've been eating the same way for so long that I could do it almost without thinking about it. Now I will have to think about it again! OK, I can do that. But still, that fear is there. WHAT IF I GAIN IT ALL BACK?
Irrational? Certainly. But it's here, nonetheless and I can't exactly ignore it! On Saturday, I must have somehow known what was coming, because at Whole Foods, I "treated" myself to a slice of cake AND a cookie. Unheard of for me. Self sabotoge for sure. But yesterday and today, no way, no "treats" for me! It's kind of like, OK, I'm here, now I have to make darn sure I STAY here.
I did some more shopping over the weekend and seem to finally have a workable wardrobe. I will need a few more shirts, but I'll pick those up as I find them. I had one salesperson tell me "you certainly don't need an XL, you are so small", and she turned out to be right--the L was fine. (so, why does my 93 pound daughter need a M in the exact same sweater?????) I also got a cute spring jacket, size 12 Petite! Talbots came through with some new styles, including wide leg jeans, which are my new favorite type of pants--so forgiving of my heavy knees! I still need to figure out my own personal "style", but for now I've got some good classics and some bright colors to work with.
It's been said that success is a journey, not a destination. I would have to agree. I may have reached the station, but my journey is really just beginning.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
March 23, 2009 The Clothes Shopping Dilemna
I went clothes shopping Saturday and was totally frustrated! Talbots had NOTHING! I tried on a dress, a blouse, and a pair of shorts. According to their size charts, I should be a size 12. Well, that's bunk! The dress fits in a 16. The shorts fit in a 14. And the blouse in a 14 is a bit snugger than I'd like. What is THAT about!!
So I went to the mall. Yes, the mall. I HATE the mall! I tried the Talbots there, and they had even less than the first (bigger) one. So I tried JCPenney. The fitting room line was ridiculously long, so I just bought some things to try on at home. I got a pair of denim capris, a pair of plaid shorts with a polo shirt to match, a pair of yellow print capris with a yellow blouse, a pink striped polo, and 2 pair of workout capris. I got everything in a 14 or L. And the only things I am keeping are the shorts and polo shirt, and one pair of the workout capris. Why? Becuase nothing else fits! Well, the blouse does, but the capris don't so I don't need the blouse. And the denim capris? What a joke! They are the same size, brand and style as the ones I got at Kohl's last week, and I can't get them over my knees! Insane!
So what is it with clothes these days? When I could only shop in the back corner that holds the fat girl clothes, I could find plenty of things to wear. Now, I have 1/2 the store to choose from, and there's nothing decent!! It's all so UGLY!! What ever happened to simple, classic styles? When I can't find anything at Talbots, something is seriously wrong!
So, still frustrated, I stopped by Target today. Finally, some success!! I found another pair of workout capris that fit great, and a coverup for my bathing suit (ugly, but it does the job). A couple pair of chinos that fit great except the waist (which will need to be taken in about 2 inches), and then the real bonanza. I found a cute pair of bermuda shorts--sort of grey with navy blue crabs on them. They look great with a short-sleeved V-neck T shirt. 2 other pair of shorts, with shirts to match, and I'm all set for shorts for the summer.
This is just so weird. My favorite store (Talbots) has NOTHING, and Target turns out to be my best source? That's just crazy! I hate the thought of further trips to the mall, but I am in serious need of clothing (other than shorts...) and truly don't know where to look.
On the positive side, the scale is back down almost to where it was in January before I had my detour. 176.8. Less than 2 pounds to go. And I will hopefully be back in the gym next week, if the doctor gives his OK.
Things are looking up at last!
So I went to the mall. Yes, the mall. I HATE the mall! I tried the Talbots there, and they had even less than the first (bigger) one. So I tried JCPenney. The fitting room line was ridiculously long, so I just bought some things to try on at home. I got a pair of denim capris, a pair of plaid shorts with a polo shirt to match, a pair of yellow print capris with a yellow blouse, a pink striped polo, and 2 pair of workout capris. I got everything in a 14 or L. And the only things I am keeping are the shorts and polo shirt, and one pair of the workout capris. Why? Becuase nothing else fits! Well, the blouse does, but the capris don't so I don't need the blouse. And the denim capris? What a joke! They are the same size, brand and style as the ones I got at Kohl's last week, and I can't get them over my knees! Insane!
So what is it with clothes these days? When I could only shop in the back corner that holds the fat girl clothes, I could find plenty of things to wear. Now, I have 1/2 the store to choose from, and there's nothing decent!! It's all so UGLY!! What ever happened to simple, classic styles? When I can't find anything at Talbots, something is seriously wrong!
So, still frustrated, I stopped by Target today. Finally, some success!! I found another pair of workout capris that fit great, and a coverup for my bathing suit (ugly, but it does the job). A couple pair of chinos that fit great except the waist (which will need to be taken in about 2 inches), and then the real bonanza. I found a cute pair of bermuda shorts--sort of grey with navy blue crabs on them. They look great with a short-sleeved V-neck T shirt. 2 other pair of shorts, with shirts to match, and I'm all set for shorts for the summer.
This is just so weird. My favorite store (Talbots) has NOTHING, and Target turns out to be my best source? That's just crazy! I hate the thought of further trips to the mall, but I am in serious need of clothing (other than shorts...) and truly don't know where to look.
On the positive side, the scale is back down almost to where it was in January before I had my detour. 176.8. Less than 2 pounds to go. And I will hopefully be back in the gym next week, if the doctor gives his OK.
Things are looking up at last!
March 17, 2009 Jumping For Joy!
Today I decided to hop on the scale, just to see what effect, if any, 2 days back on track would have on my weight. WOW!!! Down 5 pounds! Obviously I was holding a good bit of water. In any event, I'm back at 178, just 3 pounds from goal. I won't consider this an official weight, since it's not my weighin day, but I'm hopeful that Sunday's weight will be the same.
So, with that in mind, I planned out my food today. Now, I was allowing for a little extra. After all, it IS St. Patricks Day, the only day of the entire year when I get to eat corned beef and Irish Soda Bread, 2 of my favorite foods on earth. And I'm going to my friend June's for a meeting tonite, and she's serving...you guessed it! So, I figured I'd do my best all day, and then splurge a bit tonite. BUT, when I entered in my food for the day, including a small piece of the beef and of the bread, my calories and nutrients all came out PERFECT!!!! WooHooo!! And I'm not even skimping on the rest of the day. I had my usual breakfast, and a yummy chicken sandwich for lunch. Fruit for snacks, and I'll have one slice of pizza at dinner with Danny. The meeting isn't until 8pm. I figure that can count as my PM snack! I'll just skip my usual snack at bedtime. How cool is that?!?
So, on the way back from taking Laura to the neurologist, I decided we would stop at Kohls for a brief look around. I know I'm not up to a major shopping spree yet--still can't walk that far. But we both need some things, so I figured a quick visit would be OK.
We started out in the Juniors department, and actually found several styles of denim shorts that are long enough for her (she HATES the short shorts--Good girl!!) I also found her a really cute dress for our vacation, and a pretty pair of capris. Cool. Then we ventured over into the Misses department. This is uncharted water for me. It was so much easier when I could just go to the fat girl section back in the corner and look through their meager selection. But no, now I have like 3 whole areas to look in! YIKES!
I pulled a few things off the racks, things I liked enough to buy. But what size am I? The size charts say 14, but what will REALLY fit, especially in pants?
The size charts are right!!!!!!!!!! I got a pair of bermuda shorts, 3 pair of solid color capris (red, black, and navy), and a striped shirt (Size L, not XL!!). The pants, in 3 different brands, are all size 14, and they all fit great! WooHoo!!!
Now I can finish shopping online, and I know what size I need. I HATE shopping for clothes in the store. Maybe just from all the years I had no choice but to shop in catalogs, but I much prefer to see my clothes presented as a complete outfit, on a model, and decide that I like it, and then get it in my size, ship it here, and try it on in the privacy and comfort of my own bedroom. The only exception to that has been Talbots, where I would live if they'd let me move in! I will be going there one day next week, hopefully to find a couple of things. But, since I currently own exactly 5 items of spring/summer clothes that actually fit me (that being the things I just bought today), I think I DO need to break down and do some shopping.
Well, if it's size 14 (or even 12 at Talbots!), I think that will be OK with me!
So, with that in mind, I planned out my food today. Now, I was allowing for a little extra. After all, it IS St. Patricks Day, the only day of the entire year when I get to eat corned beef and Irish Soda Bread, 2 of my favorite foods on earth. And I'm going to my friend June's for a meeting tonite, and she's serving...you guessed it! So, I figured I'd do my best all day, and then splurge a bit tonite. BUT, when I entered in my food for the day, including a small piece of the beef and of the bread, my calories and nutrients all came out PERFECT!!!! WooHooo!! And I'm not even skimping on the rest of the day. I had my usual breakfast, and a yummy chicken sandwich for lunch. Fruit for snacks, and I'll have one slice of pizza at dinner with Danny. The meeting isn't until 8pm. I figure that can count as my PM snack! I'll just skip my usual snack at bedtime. How cool is that?!?
So, on the way back from taking Laura to the neurologist, I decided we would stop at Kohls for a brief look around. I know I'm not up to a major shopping spree yet--still can't walk that far. But we both need some things, so I figured a quick visit would be OK.
We started out in the Juniors department, and actually found several styles of denim shorts that are long enough for her (she HATES the short shorts--Good girl!!) I also found her a really cute dress for our vacation, and a pretty pair of capris. Cool. Then we ventured over into the Misses department. This is uncharted water for me. It was so much easier when I could just go to the fat girl section back in the corner and look through their meager selection. But no, now I have like 3 whole areas to look in! YIKES!
I pulled a few things off the racks, things I liked enough to buy. But what size am I? The size charts say 14, but what will REALLY fit, especially in pants?
The size charts are right!!!!!!!!!! I got a pair of bermuda shorts, 3 pair of solid color capris (red, black, and navy), and a striped shirt (Size L, not XL!!). The pants, in 3 different brands, are all size 14, and they all fit great! WooHoo!!!
Now I can finish shopping online, and I know what size I need. I HATE shopping for clothes in the store. Maybe just from all the years I had no choice but to shop in catalogs, but I much prefer to see my clothes presented as a complete outfit, on a model, and decide that I like it, and then get it in my size, ship it here, and try it on in the privacy and comfort of my own bedroom. The only exception to that has been Talbots, where I would live if they'd let me move in! I will be going there one day next week, hopefully to find a couple of things. But, since I currently own exactly 5 items of spring/summer clothes that actually fit me (that being the things I just bought today), I think I DO need to break down and do some shopping.
Well, if it's size 14 (or even 12 at Talbots!), I think that will be OK with me!
March 9, 2009 Turning It All Around
2 months certainly makes a difference.
2 months ago (well, a little more, actually), I was following my food plan faithfully. I was working out 6 days a week. I was succeeding! I actually got to the point where I was ONE pound from my goal of 175.
Then it all started to unravel. First, I had an abcessed tooth. I couldn't chew anything, so I was living on pudding, ice cream, and other mushy foods (kinda hard to do high protein when you can't chew!) Still, I managed to lose, probably since I was not eating much at all. I also wasn't exercising, since I felt so horrible, and was spending lots of time at the dentist. I was probably losing muscle, not fat, but at least the scale was going down.
I got over that hurdle and it was time for my knee replacement...but wait, there's MORE! The day before my scheduled surgery, I came down with a wicked case of bronchitis. Surgery was cancelled. Too sick to exercise, too tired to do much of anything, and my eating caught up with me as I gained 5 pounds.
Surgery was rescheduled for February 18, and was a great success. Rehab went well. I came home a week and a half ago. But although I am faithfully doing my knee exercises twice a day (which is really strength training, not cardio, but at least it's exercise!), my food has only gotten worse! I've tried several times to eat my "normal" healthy breakfast, but somehow my tummy doesn't seem to like it.
Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again! I've been avoiding the scale, but I know it's up, since my undies are fitting a bit tight. It's time to do something about it. I can't go back to the gym yet, but I CAN fix the food!
Will it be easy? Nope, not nearly as easy as it was to fall back into old bad habits. But I know I CAN do it, and so I WILL do it.
Turning it all over to God, since I know I am useless at this stuff. He is the one who got me this far, so He will get me to the finish line.
Stay tuned.
2 months ago (well, a little more, actually), I was following my food plan faithfully. I was working out 6 days a week. I was succeeding! I actually got to the point where I was ONE pound from my goal of 175.
Then it all started to unravel. First, I had an abcessed tooth. I couldn't chew anything, so I was living on pudding, ice cream, and other mushy foods (kinda hard to do high protein when you can't chew!) Still, I managed to lose, probably since I was not eating much at all. I also wasn't exercising, since I felt so horrible, and was spending lots of time at the dentist. I was probably losing muscle, not fat, but at least the scale was going down.
I got over that hurdle and it was time for my knee replacement...but wait, there's MORE! The day before my scheduled surgery, I came down with a wicked case of bronchitis. Surgery was cancelled. Too sick to exercise, too tired to do much of anything, and my eating caught up with me as I gained 5 pounds.
Surgery was rescheduled for February 18, and was a great success. Rehab went well. I came home a week and a half ago. But although I am faithfully doing my knee exercises twice a day (which is really strength training, not cardio, but at least it's exercise!), my food has only gotten worse! I've tried several times to eat my "normal" healthy breakfast, but somehow my tummy doesn't seem to like it.
Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again! I've been avoiding the scale, but I know it's up, since my undies are fitting a bit tight. It's time to do something about it. I can't go back to the gym yet, but I CAN fix the food!
Will it be easy? Nope, not nearly as easy as it was to fall back into old bad habits. But I know I CAN do it, and so I WILL do it.
Turning it all over to God, since I know I am useless at this stuff. He is the one who got me this far, so He will get me to the finish line.
Stay tuned.
March 1, 2008 The Bionic Woman
Well, it's done. My knee replacement was a great success! All my hard work leading up to it paid off big time.
After the 3 week delay from bronchitis, I had surgery on Wednesday, February 18. I had sedation and an epidural, rather than general anesthesia. What a difference that makes! I need not have worried about the epidural, it was no problem, and it worked like a charm! I had absolutely no pain, becuase I couldn't feel my legs at all! The day after surgery they wanted to stand me up, but I couldn't feel my feet, so I just dangled at the bedside. The second night, I woke up in pain, and pushing the button for more medicine in the epidural did nothing. turned out the epidural had fallen out! Fortunately, some Percocet and a shot of Dilaudid took care of the pain and I was fine.
By the time I left the hospital on Saturday, I had more flexion in my knee than before surgery! I could also walk short distances with a walker. I had a great roommate at the hospital, which made it nice. And the hospital was awesome! Top notch in every way!
I arrived at rehab Saturday afternoon. My new roommate was 85 years old, but I'd never have guessed it. I thought mid-60s. She was a hoot! We had a great time together and I really enjoyed her. I started PT on Monday and worked my tail off. and what was impossible Monday was difficult Tuesday and almost easy Wednesday! They kicked me out on Thursday becuase I was doing so well--2 days early!
I am home now and walking with a cane. Pain is minimal. I am taking Percocet twice a day, before I do my exercises. I sleep very well back in my own bed! The nurse from the VNA came today to set up service. I'll have a home health aide 3 times a week to help with a shower (after the staplses come out). I'll have PT at home 3 times a week. The nurse will come draw blood twice a week while I'm on Coumadin (1 month). And the staples will come out Tuesday. I had planned to go to the doctor tomorrow to have them out, but since we are expecting 6-9 inches of snow, I won't be going anywhere!
They weighed me when I got to rehab and I freaked out to see 197 on the scale! Then I realized I am SO full of fluid! My legs are quite puffy. They have gone down alot since then, and I am down 10 pounds or so, but I still have a way to go. My appetite is quite decreased, which helps. Hopefully I will soon be back on program in all ways. In the meantime, I am SOOOO grateful for every pound I lost, for every leg exercise I did in preparation for surgery, and for the wonderful surgeon I had. These things combined to make this a great success. I will do the right knee in the fall, and my Mom will do hers at the same time so we can be roommates at the hospital and rehab! I will be working hard to get my leg strong before surgery (not too far to go now!), and if all goes well, I will be riding a bicycle next spring!!
After the 3 week delay from bronchitis, I had surgery on Wednesday, February 18. I had sedation and an epidural, rather than general anesthesia. What a difference that makes! I need not have worried about the epidural, it was no problem, and it worked like a charm! I had absolutely no pain, becuase I couldn't feel my legs at all! The day after surgery they wanted to stand me up, but I couldn't feel my feet, so I just dangled at the bedside. The second night, I woke up in pain, and pushing the button for more medicine in the epidural did nothing. turned out the epidural had fallen out! Fortunately, some Percocet and a shot of Dilaudid took care of the pain and I was fine.
By the time I left the hospital on Saturday, I had more flexion in my knee than before surgery! I could also walk short distances with a walker. I had a great roommate at the hospital, which made it nice. And the hospital was awesome! Top notch in every way!
I arrived at rehab Saturday afternoon. My new roommate was 85 years old, but I'd never have guessed it. I thought mid-60s. She was a hoot! We had a great time together and I really enjoyed her. I started PT on Monday and worked my tail off. and what was impossible Monday was difficult Tuesday and almost easy Wednesday! They kicked me out on Thursday becuase I was doing so well--2 days early!
I am home now and walking with a cane. Pain is minimal. I am taking Percocet twice a day, before I do my exercises. I sleep very well back in my own bed! The nurse from the VNA came today to set up service. I'll have a home health aide 3 times a week to help with a shower (after the staplses come out). I'll have PT at home 3 times a week. The nurse will come draw blood twice a week while I'm on Coumadin (1 month). And the staples will come out Tuesday. I had planned to go to the doctor tomorrow to have them out, but since we are expecting 6-9 inches of snow, I won't be going anywhere!
They weighed me when I got to rehab and I freaked out to see 197 on the scale! Then I realized I am SO full of fluid! My legs are quite puffy. They have gone down alot since then, and I am down 10 pounds or so, but I still have a way to go. My appetite is quite decreased, which helps. Hopefully I will soon be back on program in all ways. In the meantime, I am SOOOO grateful for every pound I lost, for every leg exercise I did in preparation for surgery, and for the wonderful surgeon I had. These things combined to make this a great success. I will do the right knee in the fall, and my Mom will do hers at the same time so we can be roommates at the hospital and rehab! I will be working hard to get my leg strong before surgery (not too far to go now!), and if all goes well, I will be riding a bicycle next spring!!
February 8, 2009 Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
Enough already! I haven't felt right since January 2nd! We're talking over 5 weeks of this garbage.
First it was the tooth abcess. Then the bronchitis. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm exhausted. Any movement at all makes me dizzy and lightheaded. I get short of breath walking across the room. My heart races like mad sometimes--yesterday I clocked it at 135!!! (Heck, I don't get that high during most workouts) in between, I've had some serious nausea, and a couple episodes of barfing. I have had it with this feeling crummy.
I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'd give anything to be able to hop on the elliptical right now, but I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I nearly passed out in church today, and when I made it outside to the fresh air, my breakfast came back up. I came home afterwards and slept for an hour and a half. My "lunch" was a little bit of juice and some goldfish crackers--all I could handle at that point.
I have to go to NYC Wednesday for my 2nd try at pre-admission testing. I'm not even sure they'll clear me for surgery, which is now scheduled for February 18. Am I ready? Could I handle the surgery right now? I honestly don't know. I saw my doctor on Thursday and she ordered some lab work, so we'll see how that comes back. With my luck, I'll find out I'm more anemic than usual, and they'll refuse to do the surgery regardless of how I feel.
Despite the lack of exercise, and the fact that my food is a mess, I've continued to lose weight. Probably becuase I'm losing muscle, which is NOT a good thing. I feel like I've lost all the progress I had made in the past year as far as stamina and strength. I'll probably have to start over from scratch when I finally do get back to the gym.
The other day I tried to eat my normal breakfast, the one I eat every single day most of the time. I couldn't finish it. I can eat only a little at a time, and the food that goes down easiest is not the food that's best for me. I've graduated from pudding and ice cream to PB&J and York Peppermint Patties.
So, how do I get my mojo back? How do I climb back on the wagon, when I feel so crummy? And who do I see about getting a "do-over" for 2009 so far?
First it was the tooth abcess. Then the bronchitis. Now I'm not sure what it is. I'm exhausted. Any movement at all makes me dizzy and lightheaded. I get short of breath walking across the room. My heart races like mad sometimes--yesterday I clocked it at 135!!! (Heck, I don't get that high during most workouts) in between, I've had some serious nausea, and a couple episodes of barfing. I have had it with this feeling crummy.
I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'd give anything to be able to hop on the elliptical right now, but I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I nearly passed out in church today, and when I made it outside to the fresh air, my breakfast came back up. I came home afterwards and slept for an hour and a half. My "lunch" was a little bit of juice and some goldfish crackers--all I could handle at that point.
I have to go to NYC Wednesday for my 2nd try at pre-admission testing. I'm not even sure they'll clear me for surgery, which is now scheduled for February 18. Am I ready? Could I handle the surgery right now? I honestly don't know. I saw my doctor on Thursday and she ordered some lab work, so we'll see how that comes back. With my luck, I'll find out I'm more anemic than usual, and they'll refuse to do the surgery regardless of how I feel.
Despite the lack of exercise, and the fact that my food is a mess, I've continued to lose weight. Probably becuase I'm losing muscle, which is NOT a good thing. I feel like I've lost all the progress I had made in the past year as far as stamina and strength. I'll probably have to start over from scratch when I finally do get back to the gym.
The other day I tried to eat my normal breakfast, the one I eat every single day most of the time. I couldn't finish it. I can eat only a little at a time, and the food that goes down easiest is not the food that's best for me. I've graduated from pudding and ice cream to PB&J and York Peppermint Patties.
So, how do I get my mojo back? How do I climb back on the wagon, when I feel so crummy? And who do I see about getting a "do-over" for 2009 so far?
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